Happy birthday to me: unplanned surprise, a little bit nervous. Advice needed!

[frankie_]

Hi, I'm new here!
I'm 25 (as of today!) and have just found out I'm pregnant.
I was on birth control, so it was very much unplanned and I'm not sure how far along I might be. (Blood tests came back with 604iul HCG...the doctor estimated a couple of weeks)
I have been with my partner for over 5 years, we've had a very stable relationship but neither of us were/are really 'ready' for children.
He currently lives with me at my parents house, due to a medical condition I have. The backstory? (I'll try to be as brief as possible!)
Over a year ago I was diagnosed with extreme panic disorder and it took me a long time to leave the house. I can now drive around only on my own and only to places that are close to home (ie 10 minutes away) Prior to being diagnosed with this, I had a full time job, went overseas often, and basically lived a normal life! I never had issues with panic/anxiety until last year when this all happened out of the blue.
I'm currently attending therapy fortnightly and I study from home.

So fast forward to now, as you can imagine this pregnancy was a bit of a shock!
While being nervous/afraid/unsure, I also found myself feeling a little bit happy about it...I've become accustomed to 'rolling with the punches' so to speak, as my life has certainly thrown me some curveballs over the year. I'm a believer in the old adage 'everything happens for a reason', so I am thinking I can do this!

My reason for advice... I have told my partner, and obviously he wasn't overjoyed. He feels I should consider the situation carefully, but has said he'll support me either way. My mother is flying home from a trip today, so I will be telling her then. I'm extremely nervous about telling her, which sounds silly because I'm 25 years old and an adult, but at the end of the day I live under their roof and I'm very dependent on them due to my condition. (I finance myself via disability payments, I buy my own food/do own washing/cook for self etc..but I'm still the little girl in the family I suppose!)

Can anyone offer some wise words? On telling mum...(how did your parents react if it was unplanned?) On tackling pregnancy with an anxiety issue, anything in general??

Both OH and I are still considered the babies of our respective families, so I imagine this will come as a shock to everyone if we announced it.
(I hope I haven't painted a picture of us being completely useless..we are just young and unprepared.)

Sorry for the long winded story, I will very much appreciate any advice you can offer!!

 

[RaspberryK]

Well I think you have to go into telling family in a positive way, and make some plans.
Under normal circumstances a 25yo couple together for 5 years would probably be quite ready, and you're 25 not 15, not young at all.
I'd be speaking to your doctor and therapist asap and looking into how you and your partner can support yourselves and move into your own house together.
Good luck.
Xz

 

[Happy happy]

Couldn't have put it better than RaspberryK. Congratulations and Good Luck xoxo

 

[frankie_]

Well I think you have to go into telling family in a positive way, and make some plans.
Under normal circumstances a 25yo couple together for 5 years would probably be quite ready, and you're 25 not 15, not young at all.
I'd be speaking to your doctor and therapist asap and looking into how you and your partner can support yourselves and move into your own house together.
Good luck.
Xz

Thank you Raspberry! I am seeing my therapist next week so I will definitely be discussing it with her. I think approaching my family in a positive way is very good advice.
The only thing I'd have to disagree with is 'under normal circumstances'...where I live, it is extremely uncommon for anyone my age to be getting engaged, let alone having a baby! We would most certainly be the first out of our friends to have a child. Although to look at it from another perspective, I can also understand where you are coming from with that statement. Many people would probably be more than ready at my age! It's just considered very young among our social group.

 

[Mintastic]

Same way where I am - no one here/in my family or social circle really gets married or intentionally pregnant before 30 but I have learned on BnB that this is not the norm worldwide.

I am not pregnant yet and have different issues than you but I did just go off my psychiatric meds to try to get pregnant. I am working with a team of doctors (psychiatrist, psychologist, nutritionist) to make sure I am in a good place for pregnancy and parenthood. Your therapist should certainly be able to help. Mine helped me come up with a game plan and strategies for wellness (such as going to bed earlier, improving my diet, starting an exercise plan and more).

Congratulations and good luck.

 

[RaspberryK]

We were one of the first to settle down and married at 21&24 in our friendship group however it is really only the ones who settled laterv or are very career minded who seem to wait that long to face kids ...that I know.
I was 27 on Monday and felt old to be only just on my ssecond pregnancy sincea lot of our families had finished baby making by now. You have made me feel better about that.
Having children younger does have it's advantages and it may really help you get back on your feet with regards to your illness/recovery.
There really is a lot of help and support out there to be had from professionals, peer groups, I'm sure your current care providers will put you in touch with them all or get a little research done.
In our area the sure start centres are full of groups for expectant parents with a range of needs for example young parents (only under21 here), single parents, parents with illness abs disability.
Also your midwife will probably go through everything with you too.
Take everything that they offer, maybe get yourself a very supportive friend or your partner hopefully to fully be behind you 100% in everything.
Don't forget to get excited!
Xx

 

[swampmaiden]

Id like to add: everything happens for a reason, and if you decide you don't want this pregnancy, can you live with the guilt, regret, the what-ifs for the rest of your life? Also, for those of us that DID wait... it only gets harder and harder the older you get to be successfully pregnant. I wish I would've started the babies when i was 25, but thats my personal opinion.
Also, consider the fact that for many women who have anxiety problems... the pregnancy hormones actually help stop many of those feelings and can serve to 'reset' your body balance.. who knows if this baby may be your cure?
I'd go with mother nature, and let the cards fall where they may. Many blessings on you, and best of luck.

 

[IrishTwins]

There seem to be a couple of issues on your list. Living with family may prove to be helpful until you and oh can get on your feet. That could be in a year or 5. Either way I wouldn't rush to move out.

As you said you're 25. Not 16. so age doesn't seem a factor at all

You have a medical issue - unless it goes away completely (unlikely) then this is really a path you'd have to cross as some point anyway. So you'll just cross it sooner than later.

I think you'll do just fine should you decide to move forward. .

 

[frankie_]

Wow, I'm overwhelmed by all the support in this forum!
Thank you all.

Mintastic: I'm glad you understand the social circumstance. And it sounds like you have an excellent plan to move forward! I was on pristiq however my doctor has told me to switch to lexapro while pregnant. I'm not sure how I feel about being on an antidepressant medication while pregnant so I think I may get a second opinion on this.

RaspberryK: your comment has actually made me a little bit excited! I don't think you should feel bad at all for only being on your second pregnancy. I definitely consider 27 to still be a rather young age I will accept any and all help offered to me, and I'm sure you're right, there is probably a whole lot of support out there that I was previously unaware of!

Swampmaiden: That is a very valid point. My doctor also said he feels the pregnancy hormones will do great things for my anxiety. Also maybe the fact that I'll be focusing on something with a forceful feeling behind it, it might give me the push I need to drive further and confront my issues.

IrishTwins: thank you for your vote of confidence! and you are right, I will have to deal with the anxiety one way or another, this will just give me a deadline!

Again, thank you all for your kind words, you really have eased my fears.