Hard time coping: Milk drying up 17 wks pp

[MoBaby]

Hi all! I have had a time with my breastmilk. All was fine and baby was gaining weight and eating well despite some palate issues (bubble palate) and eating extremely slow (45 mins). I was still able to exclusively breast feed him through 10 weeks. Prior to that maybe around 8 weeks he started slowing down weight gain and he also started to have few wet diapers and BMs were taking several days to occur so I knew something was up. Went to LC after trying several things at home to increase milk and was officially diagnosed with low supply. He got 2 oz of milk after nursing for 20+ minutes. He was diagnosed as inefficient nurser due to his palate (he was latched but wasn't sucking hardly at all) which caused my supply to tank and I could not get it back up despite reglan, fenugreek and other herbals, power pumping, pumping after feedings, oatmeal, water, you name it. I then went back to work so had to start pumping. I decided to exclusively pump because at this point I was already giving frozen breast milk (and now formula) in the bottle and it was easier to pump and feed then to nurse, pump, feed. I ended up collecting 18-22 ounces daily but then the chaos of work life started and I went to making 16-18oz daily. Then to 15oz daily and now this week at 17 wks pp I am making 12-14 oz daily. His difference is made up of organic formula. I have been nothing but devastated and heart broken since I had to give him formula. I sobbed and sobbed for a few days and the thought of it made me so sad. Then baby stopped nursing altogether (sometimes I would nurse him if he was having a bad day) and sucks me like a bottle and this breaks my heart. I so miss having him on me and spending time with him even if it was 45 minutes. Now this week I am realizing my ability to produce breastmilk for him is coming to an end and I am getting really depressed over this. I keep trying to remind myself I tried everything I could to increase my supply and nothing worked and keep telling myself I made it this far which is very good for the baby. But I always thought I would be the mommy who would nurse/pump for 1 year min and formula would not be given. Here I am now giving formula How do you cope. This hurts me so bad! But nothing else I can do.

 

[BigAl]

I really feel for you. The important thing is that your lo feels loved and cared for, and he will get this from you whether he drinks breast milk or formula.

You did what you could, and I hope you manage to find peace.

 

[parrotlover]

I feel for you too. I am starting to struggle with the pumping at work. I am thinking in about a month, I will have to supplement my breastmilk with a bottle of formula a day, since I can't pump enough at work (i have the time, but I just can't keep up with my baby). You aren't alone. You did great breastfeeding this long, and that is something to be proud of.

 

[MoBaby]

Thank you both for your kind words who knew bfing would be such a struggle. I dreamed of making buckets of milk and bfing for a year. So this really stinks!

 

[Sarah lo]

I'm sorry it didn't work out hun

I know exactly how you feel when you say it breaks your heart to see LO sucking you like a bottle, I failed to breastfeed my daughter after 4 soul destroying months of trying everything. It killed me to see her sucking on the bottle like it was a breast.

But honestly, its not the end of the world. I actually found that once my milk dried up and those hormones were gone, that it suddenly didn't matter to me anymore, she was healthy and happy. We still had a fantastic bond, she got her feed from a bottle but we still had snuggles. And I knew that I'd done the best I possibly could for her, I'm proud of myself for giving her 4 months of breast milk despite all the troubles we faced. In fact, my daughter and I are still very close and I doubt it has anything to do with how she was fed as a baby.

You've done a fantastic job, soldiering on where others have given up long ago. You've given her a great start in life, you should be proud of yourself xx

 

[MoBaby]

Aww thank you Sarah the hormones are killer! Sorry it didn't work for you either past 4 months.. I'm pumping 2 times per day to try to get ever last drop out now and I feel a little better about that because I get more time to spend with him. I keep telling myself I tried very very hard to make it happen and I should be proud of that. I'm trying to be 100% okay with what is happening.

 

[Sarah lo]

Give it time, hun. I was devastated when it happened with DD. It was only looking back on it later that I finally came to terms with it.

That's great you're still managing to pump some though xx

 

[MoBaby]

I'm down to about 11-14 oz now (on a good day!) so it won't be much longer I had 15-18 oz pumping 4-5 times per day... I'm actually much happier with twice daily as I get to spend more time with him.