Hard to deal

[mrsstreet0417]

I had my third miscarriage on Feb. 13th,2009 ,the day before Valentine's Day, and am really finding it so hard to deal. On the outside I am trying so hard to be strong for my DH and I am failing miserably. I managed to smile and be lovey-dovey on Valentine's Day (our first Valentine's as a married couple) but I am just so depressed. Everything reminds me about the baby-The chocolates, greasy food, and sweet tea I am allowed to have now, the pregnancy symptoms that are still hanging on, the horribly big blood clots and bad cramps I have been dealing with, all of it makes me just want to cuddle up in bed and never go out or talk to anyone again. On top of that, I had a falling out with the church I went to before and I had disagreements about some things with a lot of the church members there so I don't even have a church family to turn to. I don't have any friends, except for an old boyfriend I talk to sometimes, but he is in love with me still and it does not help the situation. Then, also, I had to deal with telling my parents, which I had not done. We got a positive test the morning before Valentine's Day, and after we FINALLY got our positive test (I had symptoms for weeks and weeks before that) later that morning I was in horrible pain and was miscarrying I love my DH so much but I just wish I had more people I could talk to I hardly have anyone other than him and my ex, and the closest female friend I have lives in Texas and I hardly get to talk to her..and my cousin I talk to her sometimes but she is far away too and I hardly get to talk to her. When I did talk to my cousin she asked me if I had gone to the doctor to see if I needed to have a D&C, but we do not have the money DH was laid off recently and we don't have any insurance...at 8 weeks, would I have needed a D&C? Gosh, I hope not. We already have DH's college loans to pay off and we have no money... Sorry this is a book y'all...I just don't know what else to do or where to turn...

 

[Las78]

Oh hun, so sorry about your loss.

Please don't try and pretend you're ok and put on a brave face (I'm also guilty of trying that one), it's ok for you to grieve and you need to let OH know how you feel so that he can support you through this. I know what you mean about never going out again, I just wanted to hide away and not talk to anyone, luckily OH made sure he took all the phone calls to start with until I was ready. Ask your OH to do that if you're not ready to speak to anyone or just unplug your phone.
Try and do something for you now, read a nice book, something you enjoy.
the first few days for me were a weekend so I could just hide away and I needed to do that for those couple of days, come monday I had to take my kids to school so I had to go out there was no option and in a lot of ways I am glad because if I hadn't I would never have left the house. It was really hard the first couple of days and I would put on that everything is ok, I'm fine face then come home and break down, spending hours crying. I went to work today, my first day back and got sent straight home as I couldn't stop crying, it is hard hun, there's reminders everywhere, it's just about taking that first step, could you perhaps go out for a walk, even just for 5 mins or a drive, somewhere close to home so that you know you can get back if it all gets too much?

You mentioned the D&C, I think from reasding other posts that a lot of women chose to m/c naturally and therefore have no medical intervention. I partly m/c naturally and had to have a D&C becasue the placenta would not budge, others chose to have a D&C as natural m/c can be so painful and it's easier for some to have that closure. I think it's important to see your Doctor about this as you may need a D&C if there is anything remaining, it is important hun because if there is and you leave it, you may end up with an infection.

You know, I joined this site a week ago and I honestly believe this is what got me through, knowing I wasn't alone and that what I felt was completely normal, I also found supporting other people who had / were going through the same helped me. The ladies on here are all lovely so please keep coming on line and talking to us because we are here for you hun. If you need to talk or just someone to listen please feel free to pm me.

Take care of yourself hun

 

[Rebaby]

Hi there. I'm sorry i can't help you with your questions about a d&c, i am waiting to find that out for myself really, seeing my doctor tomorrow. I am hopeful however that things will happen naturally without needing any intervention, and i wish the same for you too if that is what you'd prefer

I only found this place 2 days ago after frantically searching the net during one of my better hours, for some information and support, this being both my 1st pregnancy and 1st miscarriage.

I had no idea what to expect but some of what you said in your post struck a chord. I haven't left the house since i started to miscarry and i have only spoken to one person on the telephone. I have some moments where i feel okay ish and others where i sob so loud i am afraid my neighbours will hear and wonder what is going on. I have been lucky, i'm not expected in work until wednesday but i am not sure if i will make it in. I am just taking a minute at a time and trying to do/say/feel whatever comes naturally.

I know i have probably been no help to you but i just wanted to send you love and hugs. I am sorry for your loss

 

[mrsstreet0417]

Thank you ladies-you have both been very helpful...I think I will try taking a walk and I am sure that will help...Thanks for the advice about the D&C also...It is so comforting to know that I am not the only one that feels this way and that this website and you ladies are here when I need to talk (or type)...Thanks!