Hard to "pretend" your okay with using contraception

[londonbird]

Hope its okay to post in here guys

Had a miscarriage begginning of September, OH said thats enough and that I was to have the implanon fitted asap. I had this done on tuesday. I am just so fed up..and it seems since I had it fitted there are babies everywhere!! In the shops..supermarket..on tele... its driving me barmy

I understand the rational, wating 3 years etc. Just I dont want to use contraception or wait. I am desperately trying not to take it out on my OH. He nearly walked after the miscarriage, I know not having the implant isnt an option.

Anyone got any wise words for me??

Thanks in advance guys, just so upset, keep crying, feel like its so final

TTFN

xxx

 

[PeanutBean]

I'm sorry I don't fully understand the post. Perhaps your history is somewhere else on the forum I've not seen?

Why do you have to wait three years? Why do you have to have an implant?

 

[lozzy21]

Dont pretend your ok, a relationship is about sharing and being truthfull and if you cant tell him the truth then i would have a think about your relationship.

By the sounds of it he said you needed to have it in and you went with it, im gessing there was no discusion?
For me if my OH said i had to do some thing i dident want to do with no discusion about it, i would tell him where to go.

 

[princess_bump]

of course making the decision to have a baby has to come from both of you, i too have to question why haven the implant is non-negotiable? there are lots of other forms of contraception that perhaps you would feel comfortable with? i too don't no your situation xxx

 

[londonbird]

My oh has three grown up kids, its very much financial about waiting till the perfect time etc etc. Although he was happy when I was pregnant before, he dosent want to go through another loss. So... it was the implant or abstinence. He knows I didnt want to use anything, I wasnt prepared to go back on the pill. At least with the implant, its in, I dont have to do anything or take anything.

Just upset and frustrated at having this stupid implant, hopefully the feeling will pass. He said we could try after I have it removed, but time isnt on our side in that way, I have a feeling when time comes he will say....ah he's too old to do it all again.

Sorry for the rant guys

 

[lozzy21]

Id make it very clear to him that if he says no after the 3 years you will walk.

Im gessing hes older than you? Just because he is older, dont let him be in control of the relationship

 

[londonbird]

yes he is twice my age! I have explained to him I will not be with him and not have children. I just feel like everything is a constant reminder that I have to wait right now!!

I found it hard not to feel resentfull when I took the pill, this is just as bad.. just want the feeling to go away

 

[fairygirl]

Was your prevous pregnancy planned? I can only think that he said 'that's enough' if he took the loss hard? Also sounds like he is being selfish at the moment to protect himself and not taking your feelings into account. Give it a little time and then sit down and really talk it out?

 

[londonbird]

Thank you for all the kind replies guys

It wasnt planned, but he very much supported me and looked after me when going through loss. He isnt the strongest but he really kept it together for me for a fortnight

He said he dosent want to hear/speak about the loss again. draw a line and forget it. He couldnt understand why I was upset for so long.

Think I just have to suck this one up, just feels right now like 3 years is a lifetime away, and I dont want to wish my life away either

Thanks so much guys, really helps, cant really talk to him or my family(very religious) about things. Thank you

xxx

 

[princess_bump]

please don't apologise for the rant honey, thats what we're here for xx

 

[kissingtoast]

Hi,

Just thought i'd mention that when I first had the Implant the hormone surge made me very depressed which i was told was normal - this might not be helping your mood hunny! The good news is it does wear off - took about 3-4 weeks with me but this can vary Hope it doesn't last too long & who knows maybe your OH will change his mind in a year or so - FX'd!

 

[calm]

Thats a tough one. As he has already had kids, are you completely sure he wants them in the future? What will be different in 3 years time? I would get matters very clear. If you keep resentment in you, you could end up getting ill and depressed. Make sure you do have the same goals and that he is just not trying to gain time. Good luck!

P.S. I hate the way he kind of ordered you to put the implant in, don't let him boss you around. If he doesn't want a baby, let him wear condoms!

 

[londonbird]

aah thank you kissing toast, that may explain, maybe the hormones are making me gaga!! .. just feels like I am being tortured atm... first period after miscarriage, then stupid implant..and it seems babies...are literally everywhere I go!!

Finance he says is the only thing in his way. Once hes dug himself out some, and I have finished my MA and have a better job, then..it would be feasible moneywise... when I can afford it basically..

Yeah I tried that whole..well if you want contraception you wear some.. but that just meant 3 weeks of no sex and arguing.. not worth it..completly loosing all intimacy for being stubborn.

Thanks guys, feeling a lil better now, gonna go down the gym and beat the boxing bag

Xxx

 

[bunnyg82]

It's very frustrating, but if you really are not happy about taking the contraception yourself, I would have the discussion about him about him using condoms instead! If it was me and I was that unhappy, I would not be pleased about pumping hormones into my body and would be asking my OH to be the one in control of contraception.

It's a hard old journey WTT, especially when you really don't want to be waiting x

 

[londonbird]

Thanks bunny, I tried shifting things back to him, that just ended up being..well then..no sex..or withdrawal....was just sucky and ruined any intimacy.

I am feeling a bit better today, cried myself silly last night, trying to focus on the good stuff.. we are going out all day today should take my mind off things

Thanks for being so sweet guys

 

[needausername]

Hope you have a good day xx

 

[lillysmum]

Hi there, firstly hugs to you, it does seem like there are babies everywhere and when I wanted to get pregnant again when lilly was 8 months old my OH was completely against it for sensible reasons, but that didn't make it feel any better, i felt so angry towards him that he was stopping me from having a baby. A few months later when it was more sensible for us to have another we did

I know it sounds really cheesy but maybe talk to him about how you feel about it and how he feels about it, try and work something out that suits both of you