Hating BF, in constant pain and need support

[victoria1987]

My baby is 2 weeks tomorrow and BF has been a nightmare this entire time. I thought it would improve by now but it hasn't and I am becoming exhausted and depressed. I feel like I cannot even enjoy my baby because I am always anxious and counting down the next time I have to feed him. I dread every feed.

He has a slight tongue tie but my mw doesn't think it is a major issue. It breaks my heart to think of clipping him (I guess I am overly sensitive) so I want to avoid it if at all possible. Mw isn't pushing for it as she doesn't think that is the problem. BF has been agonising from day 1, our first night home he had a bad latch which caused my nipples to become cracked and bleeding. The mw came for a home visit on day 2 and prescribed a cream, told me to let them heal and pump in the meantime which I did. Once I was healed (day 4) she came and corrected my latch and showed me to use nipple shields.

I began nursing again with the shields and continued using the cream but every feeding was still agony. I have been pumping most of my feeds and trying to nurse when I can handle it but that is exhausting as he is eating about 100ml of expressed milk per feed and I only produce around 30ml from both breasts combined per pumping session. So I am pretty much having to pump non stop and still top up with formula if I don't nurse.

When I do nurse he is satiated but he will feed for around 35-45 mins per 2 hours and I am in pain the whole time. The pain is at the point of needing to use my labour breathing to get through it and all my muscles are sore from being so tense. I was just at the mw yesterday and she said my latch was good, posture was good and he is getting milk so had no real advice!

I experience a sharp pain every time he sucks and afterward it feels like my nipples have been rubbed with sand paper. If I nurse all day each subsequent feeding is more painful as my nipples are so sore. The pain does subside slightly over a feeding, being worse at the beginning when he sucks almost continuously but better once he settles down and takes breaks between sucking. It is ALWAYS painful though, I have never had a feed that did not hurt.

I have been checked by my mw and have no blocked ducts, mastitis ect. Please help me, even just some words of support as I worry I may be at risk for PPD due to this. I want so much to make this work, I feel like less of a mother when I have to give him a bottle of expressed milk and I hate myself when it has to be a bottle of formula. I do not want to give up but it is getting so hard and I worry that I am missing out on my son's newborn days!

 

[CandyDay]

I would consider getting the tongue tie clipped. I know you said you didn't like the idea. But really it could be the issue. And having it done is really minor. They swaddle LO so they can't move. Then they freeze under the tongue and clip it. Stop the minor bleeding and then you BF right away. I had it done to my LO I was hesitant as all I could think of was they are going to hurt my little tiny baby. It was harder on me then it was on her. When they were done I thought..............that is it???
If you think its a supply issue you could pick up some blessed thistle and fenugreek and take at least 3 of each 3 times per day. It helps with supply
Lanisoh is great for sore nipples. Let your nipple air dry as much as possible.
You can check out https://www.breastfeedinginc.ca/content.php?pagename=videos
Some good videos on position and what BFing should look like

You are doing great with keeping at it for as long as you have while being in pain.

If there is a La leche league in your area then I would go to a meetup so that you can some more support and tips that could help you. Seeing as you are in Ontario you will likely find one in your area.

And if it does turn out you can't do it formula is not the end of the world. As long as you are both healthy and happy that is what is important.

 

[Maxy1]

Check for raynauds or vasospasm?

What does your nipple look like before and after each feed? Is it normal colour (like the same colour it was before you gave birth) or look flush with blood (really pink). Is it flat looking after feeding, pink/red/purple or white after feeding. If you have any other colour than normal and/or flat nipples you should consider vasospasm. This can be treated holistically (hot room, B vitamins, special breast pads) or with medication prescribed by your dr.

Check for thrush, although this was probably canvassed by your MW. If you can, see a qualified Lactation Consultant that only does that for a job. They are much more likely to be up on the play on what can be done for you.

 

[Sarah lo]

I think it might be the tongue tie too. I know your midwife said she doesn't think it a problem but it's not normal to feel pain throughout feeding sessions and a tongue tie would cause this to happen. I would see a lactation consultant and ask them what they think of the tongue tie.

It isnt a very nice thought getting it snipped but it's really not that bad and only about on par with having an injection, a little pain at first then its quickly all forgotten about.

 

[Eegee]

Jasmine had her tongue tie snipped at 5 days old, but feeding didn't improve. I had numerous midwives and NHS breastfeeding counsellors tell me that everything was fine - the latch was perfect - and it would improve with time.

It didn't. I convinced myself that there must be something else wrong but that it couldn't possibly be tongue tie because it had been sorted! Sometimes the pain was so bad that I'd cry, but it got slightly more tolerable as the weeks progressed. I describe it as feeling like sandpaper on my nipples, exactly like you said. But then someone told me that the ENT who snipped her tongue tie doesn't believe in posterior tongue tie and won't even check for it.

A week ago an HV told me she had minor posterior tongue tie. A GP confirmed this. I was lucky because the majority know little to nothing about it. Both said it wouldn't be likely that it was causing many issues with feeding.

Yesterday I went to see an NCT breastfeeding advisor. She listened to a feed and told me the PTT was almost certainly the problem. We've got a bit lazy with our latch (the NCT woman thinks it might be because she was reluctant to open her mouth wide, but we've got to the point of her slurping my nipple in. Either way, the exact same problems were happening when she would open her mouth a little more), but Jasmine slides down the nipple during a feed as she keeps losing suction. She ends up with just the end in her mouth and it comes out squashed, and she swallows a ton of wind which leads to her writhing around the bed at night as even if I burp her, I don't seem to catch it all.

I'm hoping to get referred to a hospital that will treat it (even the other ENT here in Leeds is unlikely to do anything so it may mean a trip to London) or save to go private. I just want us to both enjoy breastfeeding!

So, I can say with almost complete confidence that tongue tie is your issue. It doesn't matter how insignificant it looks, it's how it affects the feeding, and they shouldn't be fobbing you off.

 

[Maxy1]

J

but Jasmine slides down the nipple during a feed as she keeps losing suction. She ends up with just the end in her mouth and it comes out squashed, and she swallows a ton of wind which leads to her writhing around the bed at night as even if I burp her, I don't seem to catch it all.

This sounds like lip tie too, did they check for that?

 

[Eegee]

J

but Jasmine slides down the nipple during a feed as she keeps losing suction. She ends up with just the end in her mouth and it comes out squashed, and she swallows a ton of wind which leads to her writhing around the bed at night as even if I burp her, I don't seem to catch it all.

This sounds like lip tie too, did they check for that?

Yes she has a bit of lip tie but the advisor was not sure whether it was enough to affect feeding. If we go private we'll get both done though as it's the same price for two procedures and whilst I don't want to have her treated unnecessarily, I don't fancy finding out afterwards that it is affecting feeding and have to pay again to have it done.

 

[Maxy1]

It looks like a decent lip tie. Both my babes had lip tie and it made a massive difference having it snipped in both of them - especially with that slipping off thing. DS couldn't even use a bottle because of his- it would just go everywhere!! I recommend getting it done if it is an option.

 

[cupcaker]

My son had a tongue tie (diagnosed at birth but fobbed off as likely be ok) feeding was how you describe. But all sources said good latch and excellent weight gain. At four weeks old I got a second opinion and she snipped it immediately (he didn't even wake up) unfortunately even when snipped I didnt see much improvement, which I put down to being SO knackered, sore and damaged and him possibly having developed a funny suckle habit or something due to accommodating his previous tongue tie. I ended up formula feeding by six weeks and it felt heavenly. I hated breastfeeding through and through.

Cue my daughter, born two weeks ago, and another tongue tied baby. I pushed for it to be snipped immediately. Feeding felt just as bad as before at first. But only for around ten days. I've turned a corner and can't quite believe it. Huge difference I do not feel in pain.