Have I done the right thing?

[Dezireey]

So my FOB is still not contacting me and now I have turned the tables and got all cold and factual on him. Last night was a bad night for me and I sometimes wake up from sleep having dreamt about him and what we had. I get very, very upset when people I know look at me in shock when I say the father has left me whilst pregnant, they rightly look repulsed and saddened by his behaviour. I get the 'oh you poor, poor thing' all the time and it makes me angry that he has done that.

Today I sent him an e-mail message that was unemotional, to the point and it mentioned when his son is due to be born, his name and that I would like to organise some form of child support with him directly before going to the CSA as my last resort. I told him I never wish to communicate with him anymore unless it is about his son and if he does not respond between now and when baby is born, I will have to go through CSA direct.

He has always said he has no money yada yada, but if he had only just kept in contact, asked about his child, asked if he could do anything whilst I was pregnant, I would have been less angry about the whole thing. To just never call and ignore some of my texts is just out of line. I hope I have done the right thing now. I hate having bad feelings and arguing with anyone but I just feel he has left me no choice?

 

[Lemonflower]

Hi hun

I think I replied/quoted you in another thread as we are in the exact same situation. FOB leaving - them wanting the baby and not us......

Try and think hard why you were unemotional when obviously you are in a lot of pain. Are you are expecting to shock him into "coming back" ??? Are you doing it so you can have some space and grieve for the loss of him ? If he hasn't contacted you then what were you supposed to do? I believe what you said was fair.

As I've said numerous times in these threads, FOB proposed to me in June and planned this baby with me.
We were happy then rowed a bit when I was 11-13 weeks pregnant (it was a stressful time we were buying a house and I had bad MS)
FOB then cancelled our house - losing me over £1000 of my money and left me. :sad:
Since then he's lied, theived been spiteful but I remained calm and begged for him back - I would have forgave him for everything.
I sent updates, tried to laugh and talk about baby (as for discussing the money side of things he blanked me on - they soon shut up when it comes to money)

Eventually his behaviour and the hurt he was doing to me was too much so I text him a long text basically saying - leave me alone to try to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy (HAHA!!!!), the baby is fine and that he had my word that someone will tell him (god forbid) if anything happens - I said he will not hear from me again except in a few days to tell him the sex of the baby.
I text him 3 days later and he replied - I had an emotional outburst . . . All the things I'd been holding in came out - such as the anger over how he has treated me and we rowed. I told him again not to contact me and he hasn't since......
I'm really hurt by this but at the same time I'm confused as it's what I asked for..... so I dunno !!
I dunno what I wanted, I think I wanted some emotion from him that he cared about me and the baby. I didn't get it.
He's now with another girl and mutual friends say he's "happy" and never talks about baby. Just really hurt.

In way i'm glad we don't have contact cos I'd be tempted to ask questions. however when our LO's are here we'll have no choice but to communicate with them - just hoping we'll be stronger then.

How many weeks pregnant are you ?

xxxxx

 

[Dezireey]

I am 25 weeks pregnant at the moment and everything is going really well. Baby is kicking lots.

Well, he actually responded. Funny how the word 'money' gets men to perk up their ears damn quick. He started off by saying his hours in work have been cut and then....he is saving up to live abroad as he cannot afford his flat anymore. I just said that it would be good for him to start afresh abroad and I wish him well...not what he wanted me to say at all.

He then proceeded to say how much he really missed me and that he thinks of me all the time (yeah right, that's why you are leaving the country?). I guess that's that then. He is going to live abroad because he is losing his home and I'll be damned if I am going to ask him to stay here or ask for him back.

My story for baby now will change to 'Daddy lives abroad' which I guess, if he follows through with that, will be the truth.

 

[Lemonflower]

Aww glad to hear that pregnancy is going well

Mmmm, how random that he says he's going to live abroad. Do you think he will or was he just saying it to see how you'd respond ?

xxx

 

[peapod11]

my situation is very similar. i was with my ex for 4years, met while working away then i moved from ireland to england to be with him. we lived in his parents house for over 3years, there was talks that we were going to buy a house together but.... when i found out i was pregnant, we were in shock, his one and only supportivish comment was 'i guess we should embrace this then' but that was that, never any support since. i had 2early scans which both times went alone.. then he spins on me 'get rid of the baby and i will pay for a holiday for you to get over it' when i said i couldnt he asked me to leave. his mum also asked the same as him.
after 4years together he leaves me homeless with no family whatsoever around, with the choice of leaving my job when pregnant and going home to my mum. kindly a girl from work organised me to stay at her family members home. he had no idea where i was, if i was safe or not and didnt bother to contact me. he then sents me a message an hour before i go to my scan basically begging i dont go and consider not having the baby, playing he wants to spend his live with me. i sent him the picture and my response was why did you send me that?? since then i have seen him out once when i was out for a meal for work and blanked me like he never knew me, i seen him leave with another girl, which knowing him, i guess hes been with her a while, not one to kiss strangers. if he messages me its only because i messaged him first and its a stupid response.

its heartbreaking that the person i imagined id spend my life with, has treated me so badly. i still dont have anywhere to live and have 5short months to find somewhere to live, pay for funiture etc and pay for things for a baby all alone. hes ruined my first experience of being a parent and left me very hurt.

thank u for reading if u got to the bottom

 

[Dezireey]

Aww glad to hear that pregnancy is going well

Mmmm, how random that he says he's going to live abroad. Do you think he will or was he just saying it to see how you'd respond ?

xxx

I don't know hun He has a tendency to say dramatic things like this when he feels stressed. He does have a brother who lives in Sweden, so its quite possible that he may go and live over there. Was funny how the conversation suddenly turned to him missing me when I didn't try and stop him going though. On the one hand, I think it may help me to get over him as if he is abroad there will be no chance for us and he can't hurt me again, on the other, this will mean that when his son is born he won't possibly come around to the whole birth thing or probably see him ever. So a bit of a pickle really.

 

[Dezireey]

my situation is very similar. i was with my ex for 4years, met while working away then i moved from ireland to england to be with him. we lived in his parents house for over 3years, there was talks that we were going to buy a house together but.... when i found out i was pregnant, we were in shock, his one and only supportivish comment was 'i guess we should embrace this then' but that was that, never any support since. i had 2early scans which both times went alone.. then he spins on me 'get rid of the baby and i will pay for a holiday for you to get over it' when i said i couldnt he asked me to leave. his mum also asked the same as him.
after 4years together he leaves me homeless with no family whatsoever around, with the choice of leaving my job when pregnant and going home to my mum. kindly a girl from work organised me to stay at her family members home. he had no idea where i was, if i was safe or not and didnt bother to contact me. he then sents me a message an hour before i go to my scan basically begging i dont go and consider not having the baby, playing he wants to spend his live with me. i sent him the picture and my response was why did you send me that?? since then i have seen him out once when i was out for a meal for work and blanked me like he never knew me, i seen him leave with another girl, which knowing him, i guess hes been with her a while, not one to kiss strangers. if he messages me its only because i messaged him first and its a stupid response.

its heartbreaking that the person i imagined id spend my life with, has treated me so badly. i still dont have anywhere to live and have 5short months to find somewhere to live, pay for funiture etc and pay for things for a baby all alone. hes ruined my first experience of being a parent and left me very hurt.

thank u for reading if u got to the bottom

It's just bad enough when they leave you isn't it? But to leave you homeless or to not show compassion if you are in need of help is just so low.

I sometimes think that most of these men are like wolves in sheeps clothing. We all think that they are nice and kind and then the real wolf surfaces and they became nasty and cruel. There is no need for it really. I understand if a man doesn't want kids but there are ways of making the whole situation/break-up/baby issue more bearable for the mother.

Just keep telling yourself that not all people are like this and there are good men out there who look after their children. Sometimes our path in life gets twisted and it doesn't turn out how we wanted. But you have to make the best out of a bad situation. I keep telling myself there will DEFINITELY be a day when I have my babba in my arms, when I will just llok at him and think 'oh god he was so worth all the heartbreak'. At least I will have my little man