Have i offended him? What does he want?

[LilFlower08]

Right so back along me and the OH had a scare... I panicked alot but we came back from test with a negative. I was absolutely convinced i was pregnant and bf said he'd be so suprised if i wasn't so when it came back negative i think we were shocked but relieved because we wanted it planned. I really did get so happy about it at first and i almost overjoyed and threw a party (not literally but just could get over the relief all evening). I just was like this out of shock because i was so worride but then didn't no how to show how i was feeling.
Then that same evening Si, the OH, said "okay calm down, you don't have to be pleased about it! Anyone would think you didn't want my baby!"
Ever since then whenever the scare is mentioned he seems really off and down about it. almost gutted because of the negative. he always says how things wud be if the test had come back different and how nice things could be with "our family".
I jsut think to myself i really must of offended him by seeming so happy when really i was just relieved because of how scared i had been. it was never the fact of not wanting his child it was a case of not now. but all he comments on now is that and almost instigating it. do you think that was what he wants? and this is his way of asking? i don't want to bring up convo cos i dont want to offend him again. he is a very sensitive bloke and takes some things v. personally when others would see it as harmless?

Help cos i do love him and feel like i let him down! xxx

 

[moomin_troll]

well first off if u dont want a baby right now u should be using protection. and im not sure a pregnancy and ttc forum is the best place for u to be posting this!

 

[Charlotte-j]

try explaining to him that its not that u wouldnt want a family with him one day, its just at this point in your lives your not ready for it.

 

[LilFlower08]

We are using protection. and why not? i guess you didn't have to respond or read it. but never mind. most people on here could or would help?

 

[Rachiebaby24]

I think this post should be in family/relationships section

 

[Rachiebaby24]

oh and explain to him that you cant wait to have HIS baby but that you were just happy as you are not ready just yet but when the time comes and you are both ready...that he is the only person you would want to have a baby with....should make him feel better.

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Right so back along me and the OH had a scare... I panicked alot but we came back from test with a negative. I was absolutely convinced i was pregnant and bf said he'd be so suprised if i wasn't so when it came back negative i think we were shocked but relieved because we wanted it planned. I really did get so happy about it at first and i almost overjoyed and threw a party (not literally but just could get over the relief all evening). I just was like this out of shock because i was so worride but then didn't no how to show how i was feeling.
Then that same evening Si, the OH, said "okay calm down, you don't have to be pleased about it! Anyone would think you didn't want my baby!"
Ever since then whenever the scare is mentioned he seems really off and down about it. almost gutted because of the negative. he always says how things wud be if the test had come back different and how nice things could be with "our family".
I jsut think to myself i really must of offended him by seeming so happy when really i was just relieved because of how scared i had been. it was never the fact of not wanting his child it was a case of not now. but all he comments on now is that and almost instigating it. do you think that was what he wants? and this is his way of asking? i don't want to bring up convo cos i dont want to offend him again. he is a very sensitive bloke and takes some things v. personally when others would see it as harmless?

Help cos i do love him and feel like i let him down! xxx

Hello Lilflower08
First of all that really wasnt a nice welcome by Moomin_troll. You have just as much right as any other person to be on here who is concerned about pregnancy and most people on here are willing to be as helpfull as they can as we have all got our own problems, and like they say a problem shared is a problem halfed.
Your OH probably had really thought you were going to get a positive so set his hopes and plans on that result but as you got a negative he may deep down felt a bit gutted, But you know how guys can be some times, dont really show their emotions like us girls.
If I were you Id try to explain to him that you were just pleased as you would much rather have a planned pregnancy,where you both would be looking forward to it and in the right situation.He must know you would love to have his baby,But say you would rather it was just you and him untill the time is right to try to concieve.
I hope i helped a little bit
Good luck hun,Keep your chin up i bet everything will be fine in no time!
x x x
Ash
x x x

 

[LilFlower08]

Thanks guys. I jsut posted here becuase i had posted on this one before and guess maybe someone may already have read previous happenings.

I have taken all those things you've said and your right. he is just being a bloke and trying not to show how he feels in the way women do. I do sit back alot of the time and think how lovely it would be but i know very whole heartedly that hindsight is a wonderful thing and it may all look picturesque now but reality of having a child is very different thing. it's not easy and all pretty and easy going. he knows this too. We both agreedbefore the scare we'd want to give our chilren the best start in life and provide for them with whatever they want. things like financial stability are a must have to do this, (for me personally others are different a GO THEM!! )

but i think the chat will happen this evening and ill pamper him a little to make him feel love cos he openly admits he loves to be made a fuss off!! hahaa! silly lil bugger. but thankyou for all your nice comments (and some rather blunt ones) but i now realised that your insight really helps because you can't always see the wood for the trees can you? outside people looking in always helps and since my scare i think i've found a little sanctuary on this forum. i know im not looking to get pregnant and im not a mother as of yet, but i've had experiences and im sure there will be more with a long term relationship... but thankyou for giving me somewhere to turn is what im trying to say... without all the blablablah to go with it....

i tend to babble when im trying to get emotions and thanks out!!

Thanks again ladies...much appreciated advice and help xxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Just wanted to say that i hope you manage to talk to him and make him understand how you feel. If he thought that you were pregnant it may have been a shock to him to find out otherwise and perhaps you just need to make him see that you do want his baby just not right now as the other ladies have said. xx

 

[LilFlower08]

Thanks hun, God, Your all so great on here. It's such a breathe of fresh air from the usually people you meet that have no decent explanations or care to take time and help... much love! x

 

[princess_x0]

Right so back along me and the OH had a scare... I panicked alot but we came back from test with a negative. I was absolutely convinced i was pregnant and bf said he'd be so suprised if i wasn't so when it came back negative i think we were shocked but relieved because we wanted it planned. I really did get so happy about it at first and i almost overjoyed and threw a party (not literally but just could get over the relief all evening). I just was like this out of shock because i was so worride but then didn't no how to show how i was feeling.
Then that same evening Si, the OH, said "okay calm down, you don't have to be pleased about it! Anyone would think you didn't want my baby!"
Ever since then whenever the scare is mentioned he seems really off and down about it. almost gutted because of the negative. he always says how things wud be if the test had come back different and how nice things could be with "our family".
I jsut think to myself i really must of offended him by seeming so happy when really i was just relieved because of how scared i had been. it was never the fact of not wanting his child it was a case of not now. but all he comments on now is that and almost instigating it. do you think that was what he wants? and this is his way of asking? i don't want to bring up convo cos i dont want to offend him again. he is a very sensitive bloke and takes some things v. personally when others would see it as harmless?

Help cos i do love him and feel like i let him down! xxx

Hey!
Well huni, he may well want a baby with you by the sounds of things. But I think you need to explain to him that you were relieved because the timing wouldn't have been right. There's no need to feel bad if you offended him because it sounds like he's hurting you with all these comments? Just sit him down and explain to him you love him and would love to start a future family with him, just not right now.
xxx

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

Hey hun, I must say wow, I'm very surprised at the responce you got too, but in an open forum you are likely to get a few differences in opinion. I think you're doing the sesible thing in waiting until you and your partner are both emotionally and financially ready to have a child. Maybe he saw your relief as you not wanting his child, you just need to re-affirm to him that you do want his child and you care about him a lot, but the timing just isn't right yet. Maybe make some plans with him like "maybe we can try once we get to this point in our lives" it doesn't have to be a date, just maybe after you've achieved some things you both want / got a certain ammount of security. It's refreshing to see someone taking a sensible outlook rather than thinking about the consequences afterwards.

And with you being 17, there's probably a lot of others around your age in this section of the forum that would be able to give you their opinions / thoughts being a similar age to you too.

And BTW, I hope the talk goes well