Have I the right to be annoyed?

[Willow82]

I don't know if I've been unreasonable or whether I have a genuine reason to be annoyed.

Basically my mother has recently joined Facebook and added me as a friend. The other day I went on her profile and discovered that she had been through all my pictures of the children (admittedly not many) and had shared them all with her friends. I was a bit peeved with her doing this as it would have been nice to ask me first. I don't have many friends on Facebook as I only add people that I genuinely know. Only my friends can see the pictures. I'm not really comfortable with strangers being able to see pictures of them so I basically asked my mum whether it was ok to ask me before sharing the pictures on future.

She's got really defensive as a result and says she's never going to share any again (even though that wasn't what I was asking her). She also claimed that she only had 5 friends on there even though when I checked it was 31. One person is the bloke who did her garden up recently so hardly a 'friend'.

They were supposed to be visiting this weekend but they've cancelled citing illness. I think they do have a cold but usually they will ring and discuss whether to come up. Instead I get a text saying that they're not coming two days before they were supposed to come. At least give yourself a chance to get better before making the decision!

If they are ill, then I am fine with them not coming. I do think a lot of it is this disagreement though. My brother found out what gender his baby was yesterday and my mum had said she would let me know but I've heard nothing from her so she is definitely annoyed.

It's my birthday next week and me and OH were supposed to be going to the cinema and for dinner somewhere which we've now had to cancel. My eldest is also going to be really disappointed that his grandparents aren't visiting as well.

So, should I have been annoyed or have I just caused an upset over nothing?

 

[jodilee6]

If you have your privacy settings set to friends only then your mum can share your photos to her hearts content and they will still only be visable to your friends only as they keep the original privacy settings. If she re uploads them then her friends will be able to see them

I'm in the view that if you put something on the Internet then you're happy for others to share it so I personally wouldn't be annoyed especially if it's not something you've previously said not to do

 

[KBP]

I would absolutely be annoyed. We are living in a time where everyone expects everyone else to document their lives in social media.

I do not have kids yet, but when I do, one of the very first things I will ask (mainly to DH family) is for them not to post any pictures of our baby on social media. To me, there is nothing sacred left in this world when you are posting everything on social media.

When I was married I had the JOP make an announcement asking that no pictures be uploaded on social media-I mean, anyone who I wanted to be a part of my special day was there-I didn't feel the need for random people on my attendees "friend list" to see my wedding pictures.

I get it, your mom is proud and wants to show off her grand kids...but you are the mom and if you don't want that that's your call.

Give it s few days and then try explaining your feelings to her.

 

[Rainbow82]

This really annoys me in my OHs family, I can't count the number of times we have asked them not to have pictures of DS all over their fbook when we have no idea who they are for ends with and quite frankly neither do they. I make the settings on my photos private so even if they share them only people that are also on my friends list can see. So in my mind no you haven't been unreasonable.

 

[Scout]

I would be annoyed. I don't put photos of lo on fb and I'd be highly upset if someone else did. I'd never post or share a photo of a child without asking first.

 

[Zephram]

I would be annoyed. I don't put photos of lo on fb and I'd be highly upset if someone else did. I'd never post or share a photo of a child without asking first.

This. OH and I do not post pictures of our kids to Facebook, we have made a conscious decision not to, so I would be highly annoyed if someone was going around sharing pictures of our kids. I have almost had to say something to MIL about it as a couple of years ago she put up a few pics of our eldest - luckily she hasn't done it since as OH had a quiet word with her that we would prefer to keep our kids off Facebook.

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Must admit I don't like my mum uploading pics of the kids. I don't like it one bit as she adds complete strangers from other countries!

 

[.Mrs.B.]

I would be OK with it, anything I put on facebook (I have limited friends also) I am happy with a stranger seeing. So no bath/private pictures etc. I always assume that pictures could get out one way or another.
That being said, your request to your mother was reasonable, they are your pictures after all.
I would just call her and have a chat, it's not worth falling out over.

 

[staralfur]

If you have your privacy settings set to friends only then your mum can share your photos to her hearts content and they will still only be visable to your friends only as they keep the original privacy settings. If she re uploads them then her friends will be able to see them

I'm in the view that if you put something on the Internet then you're happy for others to share it so I personally wouldn't be annoyed especially if it's not something you've previously said not to do

Agree with this.

That said, I think your mom is overreacting. I can see her being disappointed that she can't share pictures of her grandchild with her friends, but it doesn't seem like something to get upset about.

 

[Larkspur]

I think she's overreacting to your preference, even though I personally can't see the harm in her sharing pictures of her grandchildren with her friends on Facebook.

Complete strangers see my children every single day, live and in person in shopping malls, at kindergarten, on the street, at the playground, etc etc. I can't understand why complete strangers seeing a photo of them on the internet would be any different, or somehow worse.

 

[SpringCrane]

My dad does this! And he has a billion friends. He full on DOWNLOADS the photos I post and re-posts them (and gets them printed onto every Shutterfly-type of memorabilia--mugs, canvas, mousepad...). We don't have a great relationship (it's VERY superficial), so my attempts at, "Um, hey, don't do that..." haven't gotten me anywhere, and I don't really know how to talk to him. He even announced one of my pregnancies on Facebook, and it ended in a miscarriage. Joke was on him. (It was before I was on Facebook, so I didn't have to do any damage control.)

I don't post much of my kiddos, and nothing that I would be uncomfortable being seen my strangers (no shaming, naked, embarrassing as an adult, etc.), but it still really irks me. Admittedly though because it makes it seem like he's this awesome involved father/grandfather, and, well, he's not.

You have a right to be annoyed by anything that annoys you. But, it probably wouldn't hurt to talk to your mom when neither of you are really wound up about it and come to a solution together. Maybe on the photos you're comfortable with her sharing you can just tag her in them?