Having a bad day, just needed to talk

[smurff]

Hi, my dd is nearly 4, she's very delayed. At the mo she is at an 8mth old stage, every health care professional and peadeatrition has told us that she is Autistic and she is being tested in the next year. I'm 100% she's Autistic and have known for a long time but a month ago when for the first time someone said it to me out loud that they thought she was Autistic I broke down and cried for days, not that I would change a thing cause it's what makes emily emily and she is perfect the way she is. I'm very lucky in the fact that she eats normally, loves her sleep and from the age of 2mths she has slept through the night, she's very happy and content, loves kisses and cuddles and is extremely well behaved. But my God the forms we are now having to rush through so she can get extra funding for school. She goes to a nursary which is part of an academy so it was a given she'd be following on to school there and she is very popular and the other kids really look after her and she loves going there. Now we've been told she would never cope in a normal school environment so she'd either have to have a helper with her all through school or attend a different school with a special needs add on. Prob is the deadline has passed for applying to schools now and we only put down for where she is now, plus the special school has about 6 places for the whole county. As funding has been cut I'm not hopeful of her getting the funding which means the school won't take her even if there was a place.
My only option then would be to home school which I'm worried would cause resentment with her younger brother.
I was watching tv this morning and a little girl Emilys age was watching fireworks talking to her mum and I just broke down, I don't know if I'll ever get to a stage of being able to have a conversation with my daughter, she has only a few words. Everywhere I look I see little girls playing and laughing with thier friends but emily doesn't know how to play and won't join in. Then this morning I got a letter to say they are considering our request for funding and I just broke down again. My little boy also may have a slight heart condition which we are in the muddle of finding out about aswell.
My husband works away all week and we only see him fri nights sat and sun mornings and everything is just getting on top of me. I keep worrying that if something happens to me or my husband who's going to take care of emily and what does the future hold for her.
Ok I'm finished, sorry I went on a bit but sometimes it just all needs to come out and this is the only place I can go where everyone understands and are probably feeling or have felt the same as me at some point.
Thanks for listening

 

[Thurinius]

Hugs to you.

She may well pick up more words. My asd son said not a word until he was 3.5. He know chatters away. A year ago I couldn't have envisaged hearing him sing through a whole song like I heard him do today.

Your daughter will progress too I'm sure.
But I know how you feel. Unusually last weekend we had meltdown city where everything was wrong and he just screamed and screamed.
I cried a lot that weekend despairing as to whether he will be able to live independently

 

[sethsmummy]

I just want to give you the biggest hug in the world. its such a hard thing to come to terms with and worrying about the things they might never do.
/*****************************
I used to have the same speech worries with my asd son, he spoke not a word till 3, then he used a handfull of words.. at 4 he managed three word sentences. at 5.5 he seemed to just come out of himsefl and now at 6 we can have a full blown conversation with him i hope that gives you a little hope

I really hope you can sort seomthing with the school hun so that she can stay there

 

[smurff]

Thank you, it's weird cause I've known for a long time something just wasn't right and autism has always been in the back of my mind but nothing could have prepared me for someone saying it to me out loud. Even though it's not an official diagnosis I know and so does everyone else that it's autism. I look at her and just want to understand everything she's feeling, I want to know she's happy and we're not letting her down. I'm bring stupid really I don't know why even writing this why I'm getting upset, I'm so proud to be her mum, autism or no autism. She's my little princess and I just want her to have opportunity's like everyone else but most of all I want her to feel safe and happy and to know just how much she is loved

 

[alibaba24]

Hi smurff. I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling. I also find it hard to see my daughter struggle with certain things and hear things from doctors or therapists...whatever it may be. I think its important to have a little cry and then move on from it. you wouldnt be human if you could keep it together all of the time. I know its hard to imagine but I am sure you will be able to have a conversation with your daughter in time to come. my daughter wasnt conversational at age 4 either and I really didnt realise how delayed her language was. But we can chat away fine now. the fact there is so many involved with your daughter now is a good thing because its through these people hopefully you can access the support she needs it sounds like shes already got a lot of good things going on. sleeping well. eating well popular. these are important things. hope you feel better soon about everything and use the board to vent as much as you need to x

 

[lusterleaf]

Aw I know exactly how you feel. It is tough to hear when you get a diagnosis at first. I got my son evaluated at 18 months and the psychologist confirmed what I already knew. My husband was in denial for a while until over time he came to accept the diagnosis. I am not sure where you live but where I live a diagnosis got us ABA therapy. My son has been in therapy since he was 19 months old. He is going to be 4 in August and attends a special needs pre-school. I try not to think about the future because it gets overwhelming.. my husband gets depressed thinking about it. I tell him, we have to take it one day at a time. We can't worry if my son will ever talk, be able to take care of himself, etc. I can only hope that he reaches the little achievements day by day. Anyway if you ever want to talk or vent I am here...

 

[smurff]

Ah thankyou, I to can't think about the future, my biggest fear is what would happen if something happened to me or my husband. That's one thing I can't dwell on to much.. My daughter is in a special needs nursery at the moment but is due to finish there in July unfortunately.