Having a Meltdown and need a shoulder to cry on

[Mommy's Angel]

I just received a phone call from my mom who told me a relative is 5 months pregnant. She's in her late teens and extremely immature. I'm extremely upset because we've been trying for 9 years.....before losing our son preterm, she made some remarks about not ever wanting to lose her figure.

5 months ago she was put in the hospital to come off drugs and alcohol while trying to commit suicide. Now we're finding out she's pregnant.

I'm trying to keep her and especially the baby in prayer but I feel like crap. My baby is buried and we've tried to do everything the right way for 9 years. Not that I'm perfect by any means.....but I'm so angry that she willingly put her baby at risk for birth defects or even drug addiction.

I mean, is God mad at me??

Even right now, I feel guilty feeling this way because it's not about "me".

This month is our second cycle since we said goodbye to our son in October. I think what's really making it hard is she could be due near my son's birthday. A child wanted for 8 years. Then there's her beautiful child who will be born into a series of generational bondage that won't seem to quit where responsibility is concerned. She can't even take care of herself right now and she's pregnant?!

Sorry, I'm just frustrated, sad, angry, confused...you name it.


Thanks for listening...

Rebekah

 

[goddess25]

I hope you feel better soon, I am sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. Its pretty tough at times, you hear about certain situations and it drives it home.

 

[MissMaternal]

sending you xxx

 

[heart tree]

Rebekah, when you get news like this, it is impossible not to feel everything that you are feeling. It is devastating news on so many levels. If you take a step back and take the "me" out of the scenario, I start to think about this poor baby's future. But, honestly, it is impossible to take the "me" out of the picture. This actually is also about you. To get news like this stirs up everything inside of you. It makes you question life, God, the universe. It brings up memories of your own baby that won't come to pass. None of it is fair.

You don't have to be happy or supportive of this pregnancy. You don't need to feel guilty about thinking about yourself. You have experienced one of the greatest traumas a person can experience. I personally believe that we all have a bit of post traumatic stress disorder following our losses. When someone has PTSD, they can be triggered back into their trauma by events that are somehow related to the initial trauma. This news that you got definitely qualifies as a a trigger.

I don't believe God is mad at you. I believe that bad things happen to really good, wonderful people. There is no picking and choosing. All people experience joys and wonders, and deep grief and sadness. None of us can escape either. I truly believe you will get your turn to feel joy and wonder again. I'm so very sorry you are feeling the opposite right now. I hope you have people around you who can understand what you are feeling and can give you lots of hugs and love.



xoxo ~ Amanda

 

[Lucina]

Please dont feel guilty about feeling this way, its perfectly natural after your loss and Im sure most of us here have had those kind of thoughts at one point or another. We are all here for you whenever you need to vent

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Thank You all so much for your comments.

Amanda, I think your right. It's been awhile since I've cried like this. Last night was one of them. As you said, the saddest part that keeps going over and over is this poor little baby.

The wise thing for her to do would be to put the baby up for adoption. She isn't mature enough to handle her own life right now and her mother is just as bad sadly. Its the generational bondage I speak of. It's a learned behavior and sadly instead of doing whats right for the baby, they'll take the selfish route and keep him/her instead of giving the child a brighter future with stability, love, nurturing and good health. Sadly, if this child needs medical care. Good medical care for potential birth defects, the child won't have it. Yes, the taxpayers will pay...in this case I'd pay anything to save a childs life.....but it's still not the best possible care she could give her child.

You know, there are women that say "you may be mad at others having babys in the future".

I don't think that's my issue. I love to hear stories of little ones coming into the world and wouldn't wish what we've all been through on anyone. I think the stories that bug me are ones like these, with women knowing their having unprotected sex while on drugs and alcohol which in my opinion, intentionaly sets out to harm a child. Or the women who bash their kids against a door and say the F*word , breaking their little spirits. THOSE are the moments and people I get angry with.

I woke up this morning and prayed for my own heart. As you said, I don't have to support this. I most certainly don't. But I really want things to be good for the child. Prayer is the most powerful thing I have to give both to the child and to my own heart.


Thank you all so much. I appreciate the support more than you'll know.

Rebekah

 

[hayley x]

everything seems so much harder to deal with after going through what we have. i just hope this woman has a reality check and count her blessings.

its normal for you to have a million and one questions and to feel bitter. lots of love xxx

 

[BastiBee]

Oh, Rebekah, I understand exactly what you're saying.
I have a good friend of our family (we know each other since kindergarten) and the story is just mind boggling.

She got pregnant in a rocky marriage (husband was abusive) and gained a lot of weight. (I think she was 21 at the time). He divorced her, and moved in with some low-life who had 2 kids already. Then she started dating some guy, who comitted suicide later, and by the time she found the next guy her son was already 5. She completely neglected this child, and often her mother was taking care of him. The latest "catch" she had was a complete druggie and somehow, although she was type II diabetes, and does drugs herself, managed to get pregnant and deliver a baby. She is now considered "not fit for employment", stays home with these two little children, I feel she really doesn't care too much about, and is on the internet looking for another partner. Why? Because this "father" is now in jail, I suspect because of his drug problem.

Look at it this way, Rebekah. It may take longer for you, but when that little one comes, it will be so worth it. If I had a choice between my life TTC now, or hers with 2 children like that, I'd rather be TTC, to be honest.

The happiest people in the world, aren't those who have a lot, necessarily, but those who are grateful for what they already have. And, from the looks of it, you have a lot to be happy for. When your little one comes along, it will be all that much better because think about what you can offer that child! I know you will get your BFP soon, and you'd better post it here when you do!

 

[Mommy's Angel]

Thank You so much everyone for your kind support. I really appreciate it more than you'll know. Bastibee. I thank you for your wisdom and I hope to share with everyone here when I get a bfp. I look forward to getting to know you all.

Rebekah