Having a Miscarriage and need to talk

[MamaBearEl]

So a week and a half ago I found out my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Despite brown spotting, dropping HCG levels and a repeat scan showing no heartbeat I held onto hope. Today it seems it really is all over. I am having pretty severe lower back cramps and the spotting is now bright red.
The thing is I don't feel supported in any way by anybody. My husband works offshore and did not request t come home because he says this is common and it would not look good. My parents are unreachable by phone today and my sisters have declined to offer help.
I have panic disorder and all the stories online are scaring me. I am so terrified of what is to come and so so sad for my little baby who didn't make it.
The doctors are so relaxed about everything. There doesn't seem to be any real concern or compassion. I know they see this all the time, but the nurse who delivered the news about my HCG levels seemed dang near upbeat!
They are closed now for the weekend and I have four kids who need dinner. My son needs help getting his goat registered for show. Right now we are at mountain bike practice! They don't understand obviously and they shouldn't have to, but what about the people who do? I guess I just need someone to hear my fears.

 

[MrsHudson]

I wish I could give you a hug. I had a mc at 12 weeks and it is very scary. I took cytotec to speed things along and it was the same as labor followed by a few weeks of bleeding. It makes me very angry that Drs are so nonchalant about it. Yes it is more common than we think, but that's our baby regardless of how far they made it. My advice is to take care of yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself to get things done. I never found anyone who understood either. I just allowed myself the right to cry and be upset and not be ashamed of it. You have to grieve. That was almost a year ago for me and I'm currently pregnant with what appears to be a healthy baby but I still cry about that first mc.

Sending you lots of love and hugs. I hope you find some support.

 

[MamaBearEl]

Thanks Mrshudson. I am so happy to hear that you have a healthy baby this time!! I read to expect that I would be jealous and angry toward mamas who have healthy pregnancies. Well so far not at all. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I wonder if this is normal to have had a full week of brown spotting, then red, then brown again. It doesnt seem healthy. Like my body is trying to let go but it can't.

 

[MrsHudson]

To be honest I was a bit jealous of other mom's. I had to hide friends with similar due dates on Facebook. But I agree I would NEVER wish it upon someone else.

Here's more detail about mine.
When I was 5 weeks I had a day of brown spotting. It went away and all was fine. Saw a heart beat at 8+6. When I was 12 weeks, I started spotting again. Coincidentally we got in a car accident the next day that was very horrific. I went to er and they said the baby was fine but it turns out that wasn't the case. I had a mw appointment the next day and she didn't find a heartbeat and ordered an ultrasound for me asap. The bleeding was spotting for a few days and then got really heavy and bright red. I went in for the ultrasound and they did not find a heartbeat. The baby passed at 9 weeks. I think er didn't tell me because I was already in shock from almost having died myself. I was very angry about that for a long time but now I understand I wouldn't have been able to handle the news. The bleeding continued on and I had decided to do it naturally. Sometimes it was heavy and sometimes it was light. After 2 weeks I finally said enough and had my ob put in a rx for cytotec. I took it vaginally the day after thanksgiving so I would have a long weekend with dh home to help me with ds. It took all day to kick in. Just when I gave up sitting around and decided to go out it finally kicked in. I had full blown labor contractions for about 4 hours. I basically laid on the bathroom floor the whole time. I decided to get in bed and it got worse. I went to go to the bathroom because I got the urge to push and my water broke! My ob later said that was normal since I was farther along. Bleeding was very severe after that but the contractions stopped. I passed the baby in the wee hours of the morning. I saved it in a box and we buried it the next day. I bled for about 2 more weeks and the third week was spotting and then it finally ended.

My understanding is that letting it happen naturally can take up to 4 weeks. I think your body is doing just fine it's just a long process. Our bodies are usually pretty smart about what they have to do.

Sorry that was so long. I hope it helps though. I know exactly what you're feeling.

 

[MamaBearEl]

That does help. I was worried that the weeks of spotting meant greater risk of infection, but I guess it's pretty normal.
I am worried about the pain, but I have some left over hydrocodone from when I had an infected tooth. Hopefully that will help. I figure if it gets too scary I will just go to the ER and do this whole thing there. I am afraid of something happening while I am home alone with the kids.
I want to find the baby and do something like you did, but I think It may be hard since at six weeks it will be so tiny. I will try.
Your story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for what you went through.

 

[MrsHudson]

I took hydrocodone after the cytotec. It definitely helped. From what I've heard having a natural mc isn't near as painful. You won't have contractions or anything but more like severe period cramps. Its just hard waiting around to pass the baby when you have kids to take care of. I totally get that. I'm sorry you don't have more help. I hope you can find the baby. Mine was about the size of a golf ball because tissue started growing around it. I passed the tiny placenta pretty early on which is am image I'll never forget. Burying my baby brought me great peace so i hope you can do that too. I might take a drive to go see it soon actually (we buried it in the mountains).

 

[becsboo]

just sending big