Having a negative day :o(

[Hopefulk]

What is wrong with me today?!

I had two mmc last year (found out at 10 and 9 weeks... Baby had stopped at 7 and 8 weeks). This pregnancy I had scans every 10-14 days Fromm 5-12 weeks. My last scan was on 22nd may and baby was measuring perfectly at 12+2 so I was told everything is fine and that consultant didn't need to see me again until next week (Friday 15th).

Today I've lost all confidence again! Instead of saying and thinking "when baby arrives" I'm saying if. Instead of discussing Christmas with baby I'm saying "depending on what happens, Christmas could be very different"

I wonder if it's because at 15 weeks symptoms have reduced and I've not seen the baby for what seems like forever after having such regular scans? I just feel as though I need a scan today! Like now! I know I can't continue to have scans every week but they're the only thing to settle me!

I have a Doppler but haven't heard hb yet... That isn't adding to my fear because I have a backwards tilting uterus so even my 12 week scan was a tv one for clarity which makes me think I won't find hb for a while (although it would allay my fears if I could hear it!)

Sorry... This more of a vent than anything. My husband said I should just be positive and confident and relax until the scan so I can't say it out loud. I don't think he realises that I don't choose to feel this worried!

Hope you're all ok and having positive days!

K.x

ps: does the worry ever stop after a previous loss? I thought I'd be ok after the time of other losses, then I thought I'd be ok after 12 weeks... Now I'm not sure I'll ever believe a pregnancy can go right for me (

 

[duckytwins]

oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I think when you are PAL, you never really stop worrying. I had two mcs before we got pg with our boys, then I had a 2nd trimester loss in December. I am scared to death, but trying so hard to be optimistic. Every once in a while, I get these feelings of dread and doubt too. I think it's prefectly normal (albiet unfair).

I wish I could tell you everything will be okay, but I can't even tell myself that without a tiny bit of doubt in there. Just try to believe and hope that you'll be okay and will have your rainbow.

I wish there was more I could say, but if it helps, I can be here if you need to talk, vent, cry or anything else. And offer lots of

Good luck, sweetie. I hope Friday comes fast for you, so you can at least get some relief.