Having a rough couple of days...

[Semanthia]

Tuesday we went to picked our daughter remains up from the funeral home. We decided to get her cremated since we will be moving back the where we are from originally soon and we didn't want to leave her where we are now. Plus as weird as this may sound I am not ready to let go of her yet. It breaks my heart that my baby girl fits inside such a tiny little box.

Wednesday we had our two week check up with my doctor and was able to ask some questions regarding my pregnancy and what she did to help...or not help I should say. Well I felt some relief for being able to confront her, yet some things we found out has only opened a whole new world of "what if's". Also my doctor felt it would be some comfort to tell me that she had a patient who lost her baby but just two weeks ago delivered a healthy baby boy. I know this may sound bad but it kind of made me sick to my stomach and my heart ache. It doesn't really help that I lost my baby while that lady delivered hers. I want so bad to just wake up and realize it was all a dream but as each day goes by it further proves how real this is.

I swear everywhere I turn there are babies or baby related things and today it seems the worst. I miss having her in there, I feel empty without the firmness of my stomach and the movements. I am obsessing over IC and my baby girl. I find myself sitting online searching but I don't really know for what.

When I have a "good" day I feel guilty for not having that sick to my stomach grief. I keep thinking it has only been two weeks and I'm already having a good day.

 

[Semanthia]

To top it off we received her social security card. now we just have to wait for her birth and death certificate

 

[lost-mum]

aww hun my heart goes out to you. I still to this day hold on to my little girls ashes i have them in the most gorgeous sort huggable Urn. If you would like to chat please feel free to PM me. xoxox

 

[babesx3]

I still have Charlies ashes at home... i keep them on a high shelf with a guardian angel ornament and candle... see my profile page..
I don't want to bury him, it feels better to have him at home with his family, and i can talk to him if i want....
Its 6 months today i gave birth to my little boy and i still have days i could cry all day for him... Mostly my life goes on and i'm happy, but he is always in my heart as your angel is.. never feel guilty for being happy, your Angel will be smiling on u to see u happy