having children after a loss

[skyesmom]

Hi ladies, i've already posted this in another session, but i need some advice and encouragement from you, as you are now expecting your beautiful miracle rainbows after your lost angels, for which i am really sorry for.

i have a really weird thought going on in my head for the last couple of days and i don't know what to do with myself: i don't know if i want to have children at all anymore in my life.

the fact is, i've spent the last year and a half of my life wanting a baby and a family with my man more then anything, we conceived at the first attempt - how lucky and innocent were we - and then lost our angel Skyler about a year ago. The entire year, there was one only wish in my heart - to have my angel baby back, to have our rainbow baby finally and be happy, truly happy again.

our relationship suffered a lot after the mc, as we were both devastated beyond our means and received very poor support in the first months especially, i went into depression and my OH shut down in denial.

what i am thinking and feeling now is that maybe i don't want to have children anymore. that this was it for me. i am not ready to go through another loss and devastation again. i am not ready for this relationship to go through any further damage of that kind, i am tired of breaking up, making up and wishing for a family that never comes.
let alone thinking that i may meet someone else in the future and have babies then, i literally feel like vomiting to that thought.

did anyone of you went through something similar and then by some miracle of the universe changed her mind and decided to have a family in the end?

both OH and me are 30 by the way... i even managed to think that just to make sure to never get pregnant again, i won't even dare having sex until the end of my fertile years.

 

[Pretty Please]

Oh honey it's really hard isn't it.

Why don't you try conselling together?

Mc are really tough, I think they make you into a different person.

Yep after my mc it distroys me ( and turns me into a crazy woman ) but I was stubborn in the end and now I have 2 fab babies.

Take care honey, time is the best thing to heal . Only you can decide if you want babies xxxxx

 

[Hopefulagain]

I am so very sorry for your loss and for the stress that it has caused in your relationship. We lost our second daughter in December at 21 weeks to preterm labor. I am 36, my husband is 37 and our daughter is 7. We were married 5 years before we became parents and waited another 6 years to begin trying for our second child. After over a year of trying we became pregnant and within 5 month, poof...she was gone . I felt lost, empty, and dumbfounded; we were suppose to be bring home a baby in April (this month) but instead, we were still a single child family, that wasn't the plan. Thankfully, the hospital offered a free support group for parents who had recently suffered infant loss. We attended group for 7 weeks with 5 other couples who all lived in our area and had loss infants roughly around the same time. It was extremely helpful and brought my husband and I closer together.
Like you, at first we were both terrified at the thought of putting ourselves in a similar situation to ever experience pain like that again, but the reality was we still wanted another child, Zoi was not coming and I'm nearly 37. If we were going to move on with life, we needed to get moving. I had convinced myself for years that I was okay with only having one child but I knew that wasn't really true. My heart would sink everytime someone announced their new pregnancy on Facebook or posted pictures of their newborn. It bothered me...I wanted that.
Everyone is different and you have to do what is going to be best for you, but please do not let fear be your deciding factor. You may also want to look around your area for any infant support groups that you both can attend. Your local hospital (labor and delivery) may be your best resource. I wish you all the best .