having DD at home when i'm in labour

[sweetthang24]

If all goes well i will be having a home water birth, my only issue is that my OH wants our DD to be at home with us so she can meet her Little brother straight away.

In theory this sounds lovely but i just know we are going to have problems.

Firstly - if my DD sees any water she's stripping off straight away to get in - obviously she cant do this.

Secondly - my DD hates whenever my Midwife has to take my BP or when i lie down for her to listen to the heartbeat etc. She goes nuts and tries to get me to sit up, no matter how much i try to convince her everything is ok. so for her to be around when i'm actually having the baby it will be a nightmare. add to the fact that it will mean my OH not being there for my support.

MY OH doesn't see this and is positive she will be fine throughout the labour.

How can i convince him that unless i labour through the night when she is asleep that it would be best for all of us if my mum or sister had her until he was born?

help please xx

 

[anita665]

I can see both sides of this. You know your child best and whether having her at the birth is right for you.

I'm planning a home birth too & I have two children already (4 1/2 & 22 months at the time of the birth). We will hopefully have the inlaws across the road to sit with them but I'm happy for them to be in the room if thats where they want to be. My youngest will pay little attention anyway and my eldest is well prepared after watching birth videos with me. I know he won't play up. As for OH, as long as I have his hand for when I'm pushing I will be ok.

Perhaps you could also share some home birth videos so she knows what to expect. I used this website.

If not, maybe your sister of mum could sit in another room with your DD so that she was close by.

 

[elohcin]

Maybe you can buy some special new things for her and he can get them out one at a time during the labor to keep her distracted.

For me, even though I went into labor in the night (2/3 a.m. each time) and hoped it would work to my advantage, my children always woke up and STAYED awake. And the water thing made me laugh, because the girls were distracted during my son's birth (I had him in our bathtub) but they watched him when he came out (I was upright so they didn't see much) and then my youngest daughter was sticking her foot in the tub so I let her get in (the water was clear, FYI! lol). It was actually really precious. But I wouldn't have wanted her there DURING the labor, for sure.

 

[missmayhem]

i've never met your little lady, but how will she react when mummy is in pain, crying, panicking an screaming, or being sick?

we all hope we have an easy birth, but thats not always the case.


i' love my DD to be there as well but if something goes wrong i don't want her to remember the stress an panic, or develop a free of medical persons

 

[elohcin]

i've never met your little lady, but how will she react when mummy is in pain, crying, panicking an screaming, or being sick?

we all hope we have an easy birth, but thats not always the case.


i' love my DD to be there as well but if something goes wrong i don't want her to remember the stress an panic, or develop a free of medical persons

This doe bring up a good point. I'm a very quiet, keep-to-myself birther, so my kids don't think much of what is going on.

 

[aliss]

I have it arranged so that he will be with my mother BUT if I am not 'scary' then he is more than welcome to participate!

But tbh I think he'd be much happier playing at the park with his grandmother

 

[sweetthang24]

i've never met your little lady, but how will she react when mummy is in pain, crying, panicking an screaming, or being sick?

we all hope we have an easy birth, but thats not always the case.


i' love my DD to be there as well but if something goes wrong i don't want her to remember the stress an panic, or develop a free of medical persons

this is what i fear. with my DD i was silent throughout the whole labour but i cant guarantee that it will be like it this time around.

i like the idea of having a special gift that amy can play with so i'll look into that thanks

 

[rainkat]

Another thing to consider is what happens if you need to be transferred. We all hope everything will go smoothly but if there is an emergency situation will DH plan to stay with your daughter while you are rushed off in an ambulance?

Just trying to help you think of points to argue I believe whatever makes you comfortable is most important when you are in labour. It's nice to try to compromise with your partner on some points but this is one where what you say should go.

When DD was born DS was 18 months. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to focus properly if he were there. I'm not particularly loud but I was worried he might try to get my attention and be confused if I pushed him away. We decided to have a friend come to the house to be solely responsible for him. If he became distracting at all she would scoop him up and leave. As it was he went down for his morning nap and slept through the action.

 

[Athomemum]

My 3 year old was at home when I gave birth but he slept through. I did arrange for my aunt to be at my house for it though so had OH, my aunt & the MW and I was prepared for OH to possibly miss the actual birth (which did happen) so he could comfort DS1 should he wake up and it meant someone coukd be with me if I needed anything or if I had to be transferred.

 

[fionar]

My three year old (he'll be almost 4 when baby comes) will be at home while we have this one, but a good friend of mine is coming over to JUST be there for him. If he thinks it's boring or doesn't want to be there, she'll take him to the zoo or out for a movie or something, but if he's doing okay, she'll be there to answer questions and help guide him as much as he needs. Or to just color at the kitchen table or go to the park.

We figure that way there's someone to stay with him if there's need for a transfer, and if not, there's at least someone to keep him out of our hair a bit if needed.

We'll see how well that works out in the end, but that's our plan.

 

[ljo1984]

i had dd1 with me right up until i had to transfer, my pool was up and full. DD is the same as yours, she loves water and swimming and had a good go in the pool when i did a trial run. but she didnt bother at all on the day, which shocked me. its like she knew and just left me to it.