Having finance fears - need some advice!

[Mrs. October]

Ladies,
I really need some objective advice. Hubby and I have been talking about having a baby for the last five years but I have delayed due to finances. I have student loan debt and wanted us to focus on getting a home and savings together first; however hubby feels differently.
Anyways, recently we started talking about having a baby again (as I will be 30 in November - and hubby is now 33), and despite the fact that our finances still aren't where I would like them to be, we decided that I would come off BCP in September, and start really TTC in November/December.
As the time draws near for me to come off BCP I am starting to get VERY NERVOUS and have some serious doubts about my decision. I guess I want to know if my fears are really just normal and happen to everyone before TTC or if it is an indication that maybe I am really NOT READY and should wait until finances are more stable? For those of you that may be in a similar financial situation how are you handling the whole TTC thing and is your SO supportive? If you already have children, did you wait until you were financially stable? If you didn't do you wish you had? HELP LADIES - I feel so incredibly indecisive!!!

 

[Mrstobe]

I think it's quite normal to feel like that, it is a big decision after all! Most people these days have student loan debt so I wouldn't worry too much about that...obviously I don't know how much yours is and how much it effects your finances but if it was me I wouldn't regard my student loan as something to stop me from TTC.

My mum always says "there's never a right time", especially when it comes to money!! If I was going to wait until after we've paid off our student loan debt, we'd be waiting forever and i'm quite good with money, it's just that my student loan from uni was huge!! However, I think it's great that you're planning to have everything sorted and in place before a baby comes along, you just need to ask yourself if you're really ready because you can always think of a million different reasons to hold off TTC??

x

 

[stargirl69]

I understand how you feel. Is it the government student loan you have? If so - don't worry about that - it just comes off your wages each month like a tax. Mine is huge but I don't even count that. We have an od that needs paying off but will be paid off by december and we are ttc in october/november so doesn't matter too much.

Just make sure you have some savings to fall back on and you'll be fine.

 

[lori]

I definitely felt this way before we started TTC. Some of our reasons were valid (husband was still a student, our apartment had only one bedroom), but as these problems passed, we just made up more and more reasons to delay it (brother in law's destination wedding this winter, we'll moving into our house in Sept and it might be too stressful). In the end, we just realized that we wanted children and there was never going to be a perfect time. We're financially stable, but if we made it a criteria that we had to have a huge sum in the bank and every debt paid off, we might miss the opportunity to have children completely.

Sometimes you just have to jump in. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide

 

[Mrs. October]

Thanks ladies for responding!

Lori - I definitely feel what you are saying about there always being a reason to delay having a baby. My hubby says the same thing; that the time will never be absolutely PERFECT - it will always be something that will make it seem like it's not a good time. I dunno - it seems like some women just KNOW that NOW is the right time and they have no doubts about it whatsoever. I am just wondering if I'm supposed to have that "feeling" of complete CERTAINTY in my decision or if that is somewhat of a myth, and you just have to bite the bullet and do it.

stargirl69 - I actually have a government AND private loan (I know - damn grad school!!). I've been paying them for the last 7 years. I had really hoped to be done with them by now but it's taking FOREVER. My friend who has two children actually has student loans from law school and she is constantly tell me not to let the student loans deter me - but I just think of all the expenses that come with a child and how much easier it would probably be to handle those expenses if I didn't have the student loans to pay. On the other hand, I'm not anywhere near paying off all my student loan debt and probably won't be for another few years. I dunno if I want to wait THAT long to have my first child <sigh>.

 

[trynitey]

People say that if you wait to be financially ready to have kids, you'll never have them. I believe this to be very true. Our finances aren't perfect but we have 2 kids and we make all of our payments, can afford groceries, etc. I woudn't worry about having the debt, I'd just make sure that each month you have money for groceries, formula and diapers, after bills are paid. My husband has a TON of student loan debt, and is continuously adding more to it. Due to the market, etc we also now have a lot of credit card debt too. We can pay what we owe each month and still care for our kids and make them happy, and at this point, that's the only thing I care about.

 

[xjodiekissesx]

Its no problem the government gives me all the wages i need for my baby and my shopping

 

[Mrs. October]

^^LOL! Well lucky you- unfortunately I don't think I'll be as lucky.

 

[Mrs. October]

People say that if you wait to be financially ready to have kids, you'll never have them. I believe this to be very true. Our finances aren't perfect but we have 2 kids and we make all of our payments, can afford groceries, etc. I woudn't worry about having the debt, I'd just make sure that each month you have money for groceries, formula and diapers, after bills are paid. My husband has a TON of student loan debt, and is continuously adding more to it. Due to the market, etc we also now have a lot of credit card debt too. We can pay what we owe each month and still care for our kids and make them happy, and at this point, that's the only thing I care about.

I have a girlfriend that tells me this ALL THE TIME. She has two kids and both she and her husband have a lot of student loan debt (she went to law school, he has a PhD). Somehow they are able to provide for their two girls, send their oldest to a private school, and they've even purchased a house in the process. I know it can be done - I guess I just want to make sure that we are making a smart decision and not setting ourselves up to be completely stressed out and overwhelmed.

 

[Sarahkka]

You are smart to ask the hard questions about money. It can always be managed, but no one needs crazy financial stress on top of a new baby. That's not much fun at all.
We saved for our mat leave year and did a lot of budgeting beforehand to figure out how we were going to live off one income plus mat leave $$. We actually started doing this as soon as we got pregnant, so we got used to living on a tighter budget and we banked the difference in case we found ourselves short during mat leave. That strategy really worked for us.
I also found that it really helped me to have solid numbers in front of me. I worked out what we could spend on baby stuff, weekly grocery bills, student loan repayments, etc - every little thing got put into my calculations, so that I knew exactly how tight things were going to be. And how much extra I needed to put aside so that things weren't so tight.
Babies dont have to cost a fortune. If you can meet all your regular expenses on mat leave, you can definitely get by on a shoe string when it comes to baby gear. Go secondhand, shop sales, look for promos and freebies. There's no need to break the bank over a baby.
Good luck with your decision!

 

[Mrs. October]

WOW! That is actually a really great idea - and one I think I would definitely try. You're right; if hubby and I could learn to live off of his salary from now we would EASILY be able to make it (plus we'd be able to bank a LOT of cash!!). Thanks Sarahkka!!

 

[kit603]

I think you're smart to be thinking about all of this in advance, but don't let it keep putting you off for too long or you'll be putting it off forever!

My aunty (three years younger than you), has been putting off having a baby for years for the same reason and they finally decided to start TTC 4 months ago and her partner (32) was diagnosed with testicular cancer and because of all the treatments is now unable to have kids. They froze some sperm and then discovered that my aunty actually has developed problems too, and it looks very unlikely that they'll have children now without adopting or possibly using the last of the frozen sperm with a surrogate.

For the last 4 months, the two have been looking back and wishing they'd started earlier because it would have been much more likely they'd have conceived.

 

[Mrs. October]

Oh my gosh!!! That is so sad! I am very sorry to hear about your aunt and uncle's situation. WOW - that really put things in perspective.

 

[kit603]

I don't mean to scare people, but its really put things into perspective for me too (even though i'm young myself). Both of them have always been desperate for kids but have wanted to have good jobs and own their own house and things first. Now that they've finally decided they can afford it...

Yet, they've been on a salary that's probably at least double what most people bringing up kids have for quite some time.