HCG declined then stabilized rising a little bit.

[coffeemom333]

I'm having complications with my miscarriage which started Oct, 7, at 5 weeks along. For some reason my miscarriage is prolonging. Right now the doctor is trying to make sure my situation isn't an ectopic pregnancy. My situation is complicated, because I stopped bleeding for a week in a half, so I figured the miscarriage was over. Also I had a late ultrasound which showed my uterus was clear, but then another ultrasound (after an emergency bleed on Nov. 7) at the hospital showed I had cyst on my ovary (which may or may not be normal).

Anyhow I was wondering if anybody has had a similar situation where nothing was ever seen (no sac) in the uterus but their hcg increased anyways? After the major bleed on Nov 7, my hcg dropped from 4000 to 2700. Then another hcg test was done just this past Thursday and it showed it was at 2800. My doctor said my situation is in the gray right now but we need to try to make sure it is not ectopic. So my hcg is being monitored. It sure is confusing because I don't understand how it could be ectopic if my hcg already dropped significantly from the major bleed last Friday. I was wondering if anybody else out there went through a similar situation and what your result was? I thought my miscarriage was over so this has been really tough, it is being drawn out. I thought the worst was already over
Thank you for your thoughts/comments in advance.

 

[skyesmom]

i'm so sorry for your loss. there is another lady here who posted something similar to you, HCG dropping then rising again and neverending bleeding and doctors unable to give her a reply.

have they checked you for molar pregnancy? how is your HCG now?

 

[FarfromHome]

Hey...just read this and wanted to say it sounds almost identical to the ectopic pregnancy I just had. I was convinced I had miscarried because of a bleed but my betas were continuing to rise. Eventually my betas started to plateau, then fall, and then start to rise again. That's pretty typical behavior with an ectopic especially when combined with an ultrasound which nothing was seen in the uterus. I had two ultrasounds about a week apart in which nothing was seen, and then finally on the second ultrasound my OB said my left ovary looked cystic and with nothing in my uterus still he was confident it was ectopic. Turned out one of the "cysts" was actually baby in my left tube. Keep a close eye on things and absolutely not to scare you but be very careful with any pain. I had the methotrexate shot but my tube ended up rupturing 2 days later and I was in the ER and then in surgery. I wasn't in massive pain but my Dr. had said to head to the ER if I had any pain and im glad I went straight away because the situation with ruptures can get pretty serious pretty quickly. My internal bleeding was pretty minimal because I got the hospital so quickly. So sorry all this is happening...it absolutely sucks.

 

[coffeemom333]

i'm so sorry for your loss. there is another lady here who posted something similar to you, HCG dropping then rising again and neverending bleeding and doctors unable to give her a reply.

have they checked you for molar pregnancy? how is your HCG now?

Thank you Skyesmom. I actually went to ER last night, for severe bleeding and palm sized clots from 3pm to midnight. My husband and I were concerned so headed to ER again. Still, they aren't able to tell me exactly what is going on, so it is frustrating. The good thing is my hcg fell to 1490 from 1900. So that is good. But even though they released me and sent me home because my I was stable and uterus looked clear, I still clotted more today (medium clots, sorry for tmi). So I don't understand where it is coming from. Eeeks. I updated my Ob, and she just wants me to get another hcg tomorrow. I'm wondering if I should get a second opinion now, because this has been so confusing.
You mentioned Molar pregnancy. How do you get checked for that specifically, do you know? Thanks for writing.

 

[coffeemom333]

Hey...just read this and wanted to say it sounds almost identical to the ectopic pregnancy I just had. I was convinced I had miscarried because of a bleed but my betas were continuing to rise. Eventually my betas started to plateau, then fall, and then start to rise again. That's pretty typical behavior with an ectopic especially when combined with an ultrasound which nothing was seen in the uterus. I had two ultrasounds about a week apart in which nothing was seen, and then finally on the second ultrasound my OB said my left ovary looked cystic and with nothing in my uterus still he was confident it was ectopic. Turned out one of the "cysts" was actually baby in my left tube. Keep a close eye on things and absolutely not to scare you but be very careful with any pain. I had the methotrexate shot but my tube ended up rupturing 2 days later and I was in the ER and then in surgery. I wasn't in massive pain but my Dr. had said to head to the ER if I had any pain and im glad I went straight away because the situation with ruptures can get pretty serious pretty quickly. My internal bleeding was pretty minimal because I got the hospital so quickly. So sorry all this is happening...it absolutely sucks.

Hi, thanks so much for sharing your story. It does make me worry some, but I really want to be safe you know. Better safe than sorry. So I am so glad you shared. Hey if you don't mind me asking, How far along were you? And was your hcg extremely high? What is really bad about my situation is my Ob didn't do an early ultrasound when I knew I was pregnant and miscarrying early. So we don't have the exact evidence of whether the baby was ever in the uterus or not. I also had a cyst on my ovary though and that was odd. In last night's ultrasound (because I went to ER again, for massive bleed and palm size clots) the cyst wasn't there anymore. So I really hope it isn't in my tube now, but I would think that if it was the embryo that went into my tube that you would see the bulge. Well hopefully it was the kind of functional normal cysts that come and go on the ovary. I did a lot of reading and saw that those were normal. The odd thing is that the new discovery in last night's ultrasound is that there is a fibroid, which wasn't there in the last two ultrasounds. So I am totally confused. Like, are they discovering new things because they don't see them or are they confusing what they see on the ultrasounds for things they aren't. You know what I mean? If you don't mind me asking, did you have huge palm sized clots by any chance during your ectopic miscarriage? I had such a heavy big bleed for first 3 weeks of this miscarriage, then it stopped for 9 days. Then I had a gush episode. Then I had the emergency episode which kept going and I almost passed out. Then the bleed started stopping until I had a procedure where the doctor tried to biopsy my uterus tissue to see if by any chance she could get some embryonic cells this way confirming miscarriage is in the uterus. After I had that procedure I started bleeding really bad and the worst was last night when I went to ER again. Sorry for all the details. I am just wondering if any of the details seem similar to you too. I know our general details seem similar. But I guess I am wondering mostly if you had any major clots? I am hoping this is just the end to a very long month in a half of emotional/physical pain I have been enduring. I am so ready to move on. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. Thanks for writing and sharing.

 

[FarfromHome]

Hey...just read this and wanted to say it sounds almost identical to the ectopic pregnancy I just had. I was convinced I had miscarried because of a bleed but my betas were continuing to rise. Eventually my betas started to plateau, then fall, and then start to rise again. That's pretty typical behavior with an ectopic especially when combined with an ultrasound which nothing was seen in the uterus. I had two ultrasounds about a week apart in which nothing was seen, and then finally on the second ultrasound my OB said my left ovary looked cystic and with nothing in my uterus still he was confident it was ectopic. Turned out one of the "cysts" was actually baby in my left tube. Keep a close eye on things and absolutely not to scare you but be very careful with any pain. I had the methotrexate shot but my tube ended up rupturing 2 days later and I was in the ER and then in surgery. I wasn't in massive pain but my Dr. had said to head to the ER if I had any pain and im glad I went straight away because the situation with ruptures can get pretty serious pretty quickly. My internal bleeding was pretty minimal because I got the hospital so quickly. So sorry all this is happening...it absolutely sucks.

Hi, thanks so much for sharing your story. It does make me worry some, but I really want to be safe you know. Better safe than sorry. So I am so glad you shared. Hey if you don't mind me asking, How far along were you? And was your hcg extremely high? What is really bad about my situation is my Ob didn't do an early ultrasound when I knew I was pregnant and miscarrying early. So we don't have the exact evidence of whether the baby was ever in the uterus or not. I also had a cyst on my ovary though and that was odd. In last night's ultrasound (because I went to ER again, for massive bleed and palm size clots) the cyst wasn't there anymore. So I really hope it isn't in my tube now, but I would think that if it was the embryo that went into my tube that you would see the bulge. Well hopefully it was the kind of functional normal cysts that come and go on the ovary. I did a lot of reading and saw that those were normal. The odd thing is that the new discovery in last night's ultrasound is that there is a fibroid, which wasn't there in the last two ultrasounds. So I am totally confused. Like, are they discovering new things because they don't see them or are they confusing what they see on the ultrasounds for things they aren't. You know what I mean? If you don't mind me asking, did you have huge palm sized clots by any chance during your ectopic miscarriage? I had such a heavy big bleed for first 3 weeks of this miscarriage, then it stopped for 9 days. Then I had a gush episode. Then I had the emergency episode which kept going and I almost passed out. Then the bleed started stopping until I had a procedure where the doctor tried to biopsy my uterus tissue to see if by any chance she could get some embryonic cells this way confirming miscarriage is in the uterus. After I had that procedure I started bleeding really bad and the worst was last night when I went to ER again. Sorry for all the details. I am just wondering if any of the details seem similar to you too. I know our general details seem similar. But I guess I am wondering mostly if you had any major clots? I am hoping this is just the end to a very long month in a half of emotional/physical pain I have been enduring. I am so ready to move on. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. Thanks for writing and sharing.

I totally understand the feeling of the prolonged pain...we were "in the dark" for about 3 weeks after I initially thought I miscarried until I was finally diagnosed and treated. It was really difficult, scary, challenging...not an easy time at all. It's still really hard to think about all those feelings.

I did have clots with my bleed...which is why I was convinced I was miscarrying. I got a BFP on 12dpo and then started massively bleeding with pain and cramps about 5 days later. Bled really heavy with clots ( but only about golf ball size at largest) for about 4 days. Went to my OB who ordered 3 HCGs...expecting them to be very low and falling. 1st HCG was 199, 2nd 530, 3rd 930. By this time I was supposed to be in the 5wk range and I was concerned about the low numbers but my Dr. wasn't. He said they looked good, were rising appropriately, and I was probably just slightly earlier than I thought. So he wanted us to give it a couple weeks and then we'd do an ultrasound. During that time I spotted on and off, but never bled that much again. I did have the dark brown blood though that often is associated with EP as well as some other brown spotting.

So, I went in for my ultrasound when I should have been 6+ weeks. Dr. couldn't see anything in my uterus except a very thickened lining and my tubes and ovaries looked clear and healthy. I did have a functional cyst on my left ovary...but everything there looked normal. So, at this point my Dr. started to lean more towards a incomplete miscarriage (but did alert me that it could be EP) and ordered more HCG tests...again expecting them to be falling. HCG that day came back around 5700. Then, two days later they had risen again to 6300. My Dr. seemed hopeful that this was the "beginning of the end" ( we all knew at this point the pregnancy wasn't viable ) and that I wouldn't need any medical intervention but that my betas would start to fall now that they were plateauing and eventually I would finish the miscarriage naturally. I was still extremely nervous that I hadn't seen a sac in the uterus but I was trying to stay positive.

I had my betas done 2 days later again ( Dr. wanted me to be monitored every 48hrs to be safe) and finally my betas fell from 6300 to 5900. I was sad but relieved and prayed they would continue to fall and that I would be able to have a natural miscarriage and avoid any surgical or medical intervention.

Things changed after that though. My next HCG draw was on a Saturday and I didn't get the results until Monday. HCG was back up to 6700. So, my Dr. rushed and scheduled me for an ultrasound the next morning ( Tuesday). My uterus was still empty but my normal looking corpus luteum cyst on my left ovary has turned into a clump of cysts. My Dr. felt confident at that point (esp. with what my HCG was doing) that I was having an EP. He thought one of the "cysts" could have actually been my tube all ballooned out from the pregnancy ( he was right).

I had the option of the Methotrexate shot or surgery and in an effort to try and save my tube I had the shot at the hospital that afternoon. My tube ruptured 4 days later on Saturday afternoon. I was supposed to be 8+5 but I don't know how high my HCG was at that point.

I hope this helps a little

 

[skyesmom]

coffeemom, if the did a biopsy in your uterus that should show them if there is a molar pregnancy as well as the retained tissue. biopsies are invasive techniques so no wonder if you started bleeding even more after it.

molar pregnancy happens when either an egg without DNA gets fertilized by a sperm, or one egg gets fertilized by two sperms. so the embryo doesn't develop like a normal one but forms strange growths in the uterus and keeps giving early pregnancy symptoms, bleeding, enlarged uterus etc... a biopsy should definitely detect that, but ultrasound as well. i think if they did a good ultrasound at this point, it should be clear. it is an extremely rare condition though.

getting a second opinion is always good. it could have as well been an ectopic that has resolved by itself instead of bursting (that can happen as well), which would explain the lack of the cyst in your ovary and the second gush of bleeding and the drop of your HCG as well.

 

[coffeemom333]

Hey...just read this and wanted to say it sounds almost identical to the ectopic pregnancy I just had. I was convinced I had miscarried because of a bleed but my betas were continuing to rise. Eventually my betas started to plateau, then fall, and then start to rise again. That's pretty typical behavior with an ectopic especially when combined with an ultrasound which nothing was seen in the uterus. I had two ultrasounds about a week apart in which nothing was seen, and then finally on the second ultrasound my OB said my left ovary looked cystic and with nothing in my uterus still he was confident it was ectopic. Turned out one of the "cysts" was actually baby in my left tube. Keep a close eye on things and absolutely not to scare you but be very careful with any pain. I had the methotrexate shot but my tube ended up rupturing 2 days later and I was in the ER and then in surgery. I wasn't in massive pain but my Dr. had said to head to the ER if I had any pain and im glad I went straight away because the situation with ruptures can get pretty serious pretty quickly. My internal bleeding was pretty minimal because I got the hospital so quickly. So sorry all this is happening...it absolutely sucks.

Hi, thanks so much for sharing your story. It does make me worry some, but I really want to be safe you know. Better safe than sorry. So I am so glad you shared. Hey if you don't mind me asking, How far along were you? And was your hcg extremely high? What is really bad about my situation is my Ob didn't do an early ultrasound when I knew I was pregnant and miscarrying early. So we don't have the exact evidence of whether the baby was ever in the uterus or not. I also had a cyst on my ovary though and that was odd. In last night's ultrasound (because I went to ER again, for massive bleed and palm size clots) the cyst wasn't there anymore. So I really hope it isn't in my tube now, but I would think that if it was the embryo that went into my tube that you would see the bulge. Well hopefully it was the kind of functional normal cysts that come and go on the ovary. I did a lot of reading and saw that those were normal. The odd thing is that the new discovery in last night's ultrasound is that there is a fibroid, which wasn't there in the last two ultrasounds. So I am totally confused. Like, are they discovering new things because they don't see them or are they confusing what they see on the ultrasounds for things they aren't. You know what I mean? If you don't mind me asking, did you have huge palm sized clots by any chance during your ectopic miscarriage? I had such a heavy big bleed for first 3 weeks of this miscarriage, then it stopped for 9 days. Then I had a gush episode. Then I had the emergency episode which kept going and I almost passed out. Then the bleed started stopping until I had a procedure where the doctor tried to biopsy my uterus tissue to see if by any chance she could get some embryonic cells this way confirming miscarriage is in the uterus. After I had that procedure I started bleeding really bad and the worst was last night when I went to ER again. Sorry for all the details. I am just wondering if any of the details seem similar to you too. I know our general details seem similar. But I guess I am wondering mostly if you had any major clots? I am hoping this is just the end to a very long month in a half of emotional/physical pain I have been enduring. I am so ready to move on. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble. Thanks for writing and sharing.

I totally understand the feeling of the prolonged pain...we were "in the dark" for about 3 weeks after I initially thought I miscarried until I was finally diagnosed and treated. It was really difficult, scary, challenging...not an easy time at all. It's still really hard to think about all those feelings.

I did have clots with my bleed...which is why I was convinced I was miscarrying. I got a BFP on 12dpo and then started massively bleeding with pain and cramps about 5 days later. Bled really heavy with clots ( but only about golf ball size at largest) for about 4 days. Went to my OB who ordered 3 HCGs...expecting them to be very low and falling. 1st HCG was 199, 2nd 530, 3rd 930. By this time I was supposed to be in the 5wk range and I was concerned about the low numbers but my Dr. wasn't. He said they looked good, were rising appropriately, and I was probably just slightly earlier than I thought. So he wanted us to give it a couple weeks and then we'd do an ultrasound. During that time I spotted on and off, but never bled that much again. I did have the dark brown blood though that often is associated with EP as well as some other brown spotting.

So, I went in for my ultrasound when I should have been 6+ weeks. Dr. couldn't see anything in my uterus except a very thickened lining and my tubes and ovaries looked clear and healthy. I did have a functional cyst on my left ovary...but everything there looked normal. So, at this point my Dr. started to lean more towards a incomplete miscarriage (but did alert me that it could be EP) and ordered more HCG tests...again expecting them to be falling. HCG that day came back around 5700. Then, two days later they had risen again to 6300. My Dr. seemed hopeful that this was the "beginning of the end" ( we all knew at this point the pregnancy wasn't viable ) and that I wouldn't need any medical intervention but that my betas would start to fall now that they were plateauing and eventually I would finish the miscarriage naturally. I was still extremely nervous that I hadn't seen a sac in the uterus but I was trying to stay positive.

I had my betas done 2 days later again ( Dr. wanted me to be monitored every 48hrs to be safe) and finally my betas fell from 6300 to 5900. I was sad but relieved and prayed they would continue to fall and that I would be able to have a natural miscarriage and avoid any surgical or medical intervention.

Things changed after that though. My next HCG draw was on a Saturday and I didn't get the results until Monday. HCG was back up to 6700. So, my Dr. rushed and scheduled me for an ultrasound the next morning ( Tuesday). My uterus was still empty but my normal looking corpus luteum cyst on my left ovary has turned into a clump of cysts. My Dr. felt confident at that point (esp. with what my HCG was doing) that I was having an EP. He thought one of the "cysts" could have actually been my tube all ballooned out from the pregnancy ( he was right).

I had the option of the Methotrexate shot or surgery and in an effort to try and save my tube I had the shot at the hospital that afternoon. My tube ruptured 4 days later on Saturday afternoon. I was supposed to be 8+5 but I don't know how high my HCG was at that point.

I hope this helps a little

Thank you for sharing the details of your story. And I am so sorry for your loss too. There is nothing like the pain from a miscarriage. It is just awful. A lot of what you said is similar to my story too. I had the brown spotting and tarry discharge too. I'm wondering now if somehow my body expelled the ectopic pregnancy on its own with the first emergency bleed I had, because it just kept pouring and I collapsed (that is the first time I went to hospital and discovered my hcg was actually increasing to 4200 when early on I was told my hcg was so low that it was a chemical pregnancy). Well my doctor unfortunately didn't do an ultrasound or any follow up hcg checks. Annoying huh. I have been going through an awful time with the worry because of how strange this miscarriage was with not knowing exactly what is going on. I get another hcg check tomorrow. The doctor wouldn't let me get it tonight by changing the order to release to patient. So that was upsetting especially after all I have been through. Today's bleeding slowed down and no big clots, so that is good. Hopefully it is almost over. Thank you for sharing again. I did ask the doctor about my cyst on the ovary again with what you said about your cyst, so it was good to have your story to help me out with explaining my worry about the cyst. Again, I am so sorry that happened with your pregnancy.

 

[coffeemom333]

coffeemom, if the did a biopsy in your uterus that should show them if there is a molar pregnancy as well as the retained tissue. biopsies are invasive techniques so no wonder if you started bleeding even more after it.

molar pregnancy happens when either an egg without DNA gets fertilized by a sperm, or one egg gets fertilized by two sperms. so the embryo doesn't develop like a normal one but forms strange growths in the uterus and keeps giving early pregnancy symptoms, bleeding, enlarged uterus etc... a biopsy should definitely detect that, but ultrasound as well. i think if they did a good ultrasound at this point, it should be clear. it is an extremely rare condition though.

getting a second opinion is always good. it could have as well been an ectopic that has resolved by itself instead of bursting (that can happen as well), which would explain the lack of the cyst in your ovary and the second gush of bleeding and the drop of your HCG as well.

Hi Skyesmom,
Thanks again for writing. I went to the ER again on Tuesday night because I was bleeding severely again. This time with ultrasound they also found I have a fibroid. And that confused me because that wasn't detected in any other ultrasounds. Then I was wondering if a molar pregnancy growth could be confused as fibroid. But my doctor says it isn't (even though she hasn't seen the ER ultrasound pics yet). Anyhow, then I wondered if that biopsy she did caused the thing that is the so called fibroid.
What you said totally makes sense about the ectopic possibly clearing on its own. I was thinking that very same thing as I have read different stories here and the similarities with mine. Well, I get my next hcg result tomorrow. Hopefully it is still falling. I am so ready for this to be over so I can move on. My doctors haven't been that caring with my situation and it has really been disappointing. I have no other choice though to get through the end with them because I can't get seen by anyone else until late Decemeber to January. And I can't wait that long with how odd this miscarriage has been.

 

[skyesmom]

i am sorry to hear you're not getting any concrete answer from them. i don't know how a fibroid looks on the ultrasound but i think it can't be mixed with molar pregnancy, that one is really pretty evident and grows quick in time. it could be really just a biopsy scar.

i hope this solves as soon as possible so that you can slowly start healing both physically and mentally. have you thought of looking for a therapist maybe? i know it may sound as "too much" or "too early", but it looks like to me that the emotional side of your loss as well as the psychological trauma the physical issues with your body are causing, have been neglected by your doctors... therapy saved my life after my second loss. i waited for over a year to go and to feel ready to be seen by someone, but i've fallen into a deep deep depression in the meantime and it took months for it to subside.

the pain of miscarriage is heart-wrenching and devastating on its own enough to break even the strongest spirits into pieces; when you add the entire hormonal havoc on top of it (which by itself is enough to send you in the blues for ages)... well... no wonder it takes so much to heal even a little bit... so any good and concrete help you can get yourself is priceless.

 

[coffeemom333]

i am sorry to hear you're not getting any concrete answer from them. i don't know how a fibroid looks on the ultrasound but i think it can't be mixed with molar pregnancy, that one is really pretty evident and grows quick in time. it could be really just a biopsy scar.

i hope this solves as soon as possible so that you can slowly start healing both physically and mentally. have you thought of looking for a therapist maybe? i know it may sound as "too much" or "too early", but it looks like to me that the emotional side of your loss as well as the psychological trauma the physical issues with your body are causing, have been neglected by your doctors... therapy saved my life after my second loss. i waited for over a year to go and to feel ready to be seen by someone, but i've fallen into a deep deep depression in the meantime and it took months for it to subside.

the pain of miscarriage is heart-wrenching and devastating on its own enough to break even the strongest spirits into pieces; when you add the entire hormonal havoc on top of it (which by itself is enough to send you in the blues for ages)... well... no wonder it takes so much to heal even a little bit... so any good and concrete help you can get yourself is priceless.

Thanks again for writing and sharing your story. I am so sorry for your losses too. It is nice to be able to talk with other women who understand this pain we go through. I totally understand the depression. With my first miscarriage, I struggled for some time with depression. I probably should have got some help back then, I wonder if talking with somebody would have helped me recover sooner. However through grieving on my own, I eventually was able to move on from the loss. Even though it always is apart of you. And that is how I see both miscarriages, that they will always be apart of me (my babies that I never got to fully see and hold).
With this second miscarriage, I thought this baby was going to be here for sure, my miracle. So when I began to lose this baby I did get depressed for a good month. Since the beginning of the miscarriage, early Oct. However when I thought the miscarriage was finally over, I began to heal and look forward to seeing if I can figure out why I am having the miscarriages, and then come to terms with the possibility that my dream of having one more baby could be over if Fertility issues were apparent without resolution. Then my world flipped upside down again, as I had the emergency bleed hit me out of nowhere and rushed to hospital. Then I realized it wasn't over and that has been tough, because already healed. Thank you for your advice about therapy. I know you are right I need to be careful and probably should talk with someone if I get depressed again. I am okay right now, but I do feel like I could get depressed easily at this point, because I know how it goes with me. I'm hoping the miscarriage is almost over now, so I can start moving on, which I know will really be helpful to keep me from slipping into depression. If you don't mind me asking, did you move on and try for another baby after your miscarriages? How has that worked out for you emotionally? Thanks for writing and caring.

 

[skyesmom]

my first loss broke up my relationship, we both just failed to cope and he eventually decided to pull out, it was all too much for him.
the second loss was with my amazing OH that i am with now, it was also so very tough, we both decided not to try for a while until we've healed a bit. at the beginning right after the loss we wanted to try right away but i had an extensive D&C and several doctors told us to wait at least 3 months/cycles. that was hard and heart-wrenching and when the ban finally expired we were exhausted emotionally. we tried for some cycles without any success and that put so much strain on our relationship, the whole despair, feeling betrayed by my own body, all that. then depression kicked in even deeper and we decided not to try for a while until we both have healed.
we have no living children and no issue was found in any of us, we're both very sporty, eating healthily, all that.
we started trying again about 2 years since the loss and had no luck in conceiving again (been about 8 months now)... the baby we have lost was really made on the first try and i was SURE that was my miracle and my prize for all the things suffered with my first loss.
for me, the hardest thing to learn how to live with was this insane wish to have a baby and be a mother to a healthy, living child. we decided to NTNP instead of TTC so that we don't get obsessive about it and it helped. but it is really hard sometimes NOT to think about it.

we're aware of where we are in the cycle, in 90% of the cases when we make love i have that though on my mind but not having it overwhelm me... it took ages to master. now it is getting better.

we'll get re-checked if we don't conceive in a year, that's the standard procedure. anyway it's been a long road and lots of personal development and lessons learned.

 

[coffeemom333]

my first loss broke up my relationship, we both just failed to cope and he eventually decided to pull out, it was all too much for him.
the second loss was with my amazing OH that i am with now, it was also so very tough, we both decided not to try for a while until we've healed a bit. at the beginning right after the loss we wanted to try right away but i had an extensive D&C and several doctors told us to wait at least 3 months/cycles. that was hard and heart-wrenching and when the ban finally expired we were exhausted emotionally. we tried for some cycles without any success and that put so much strain on our relationship, the whole despair, feeling betrayed by my own body, all that. then depression kicked in even deeper and we decided not to try for a while until we both have healed.
we have no living children and no issue was found in any of us, we're both very sporty, eating healthily, all that.
we started trying again about 2 years since the loss and had no luck in conceiving again (been about 8 months now)... the baby we have lost was really made on the first try and i was SURE that was my miracle and my prize for all the things suffered with my first loss.
for me, the hardest thing to learn how to live with was this insane wish to have a baby and be a mother to a healthy, living child. we decided to NTNP instead of TTC so that we don't get obsessive about it and it helped. but it is really hard sometimes NOT to think about it.

we're aware of where we are in the cycle, in 90% of the cases when we make love i have that though on my mind but not having it overwhelm me... it took ages to master. now it is getting better.

we'll get re-checked if we don't conceive in a year, that's the standard procedure. anyway it's been a long road and lots of personal development and lessons learned.

Sounds like you have been through some hard times, I am so sorry. I have found it extremely difficult to not think about ttc also. Well lately it isn't even a thought because of the healing process I am still going through with this miscarriage. I am just so ready for this to be over so I can move on, and the waiting for it to be over is taking toll on me now. Another thing that is a bummer for me is that a lot of my family knows now about this miscarriage because I went to ER twice. So that is hard for me because the last two months of my life have been wrapped around this miscarriage. But I don't really want to talk with some family members about it because they don't get it really.
Anyhow, have you done any fertility testing? I know you mentioned waiting a year before you get checked, but have you done some testing already? I started fertility testing, but the tests were done when I was still miscarrying and didn't realize it (my doctor made a lot of mistakes obviously). So when this is over, hopefully soon, I want to see a fertility doctor in my area that has some really great reviews. I want to see if she can help us figure out what is causing these miscarriages if there is something specific and if it can be remedied or not. I definitely don't want to keep having miscarriages. I realize now that this may be the end of the road for my dream of having one more baby.

 

[skyesmom]

we got tested a month after the second loss, they also ran a test on the baby and nothing unusual was found. we conceived on the first try back then so the fertility wasn't really an issue, yet since it was a second loss and an emergency d&c they looked into it anyway and it all came back clear for both of us.

when we got the result of "all clear here, it was just a bad luck", we were on one hand relieved that we don't have any physical condition standing in the way, but on the other hand it made it so so hard to cope, as we had no reason for the loss at all.

we NTNPd the first time we've conceived and got lucky on the first cycle, we were over the moon back then, and actually went into the whole process with no stress or whatever. now it's different but it's getting better with time.

there were times at the beginning when our intimacy was thrown out of the window... now we're finding ways to make the lovemaking a pleasure again... also because focusing on a baby has drained me out so much (and him too) that my heart needs a break. so we're trying more and more to make our relationship a priority and if in a year we haven't conceived, we'll get retested.

i am sorry to hear how long it is taking you to heal physically. it is even harder to have a closure when the things drag on and too many people get involved. mc is such a hard topic and the people who haven't been through it come out with all sorts of insensitive shit and also don't know their limits when it comes to commenting here and there.

i really hope it solves for you soon and that you'd be able to move away and start healing

 

[coffeemom333]

we got tested a month after the second loss, they also ran a test on the baby and nothing unusual was found. we conceived on the first try back then so the fertility wasn't really an issue, yet since it was a second loss and an emergency d&c they looked into it anyway and it all came back clear for both of us.

when we got the result of "all clear here, it was just a bad luck", we were on one hand relieved that we don't have any physical condition standing in the way, but on the other hand it made it so so hard to cope, as we had no reason for the loss at all.

we NTNPd the first time we've conceived and got lucky on the first cycle, we were over the moon back then, and actually went into the whole process with no stress or whatever. now it's different but it's getting better with time.

there were times at the beginning when our intimacy was thrown out of the window... now we're finding ways to make the lovemaking a pleasure again... also because focusing on a baby has drained me out so much (and him too) that my heart needs a break. so we're trying more and more to make our relationship a priority and if in a year we haven't conceived, we'll get retested.

i am sorry to hear how long it is taking you to heal physically. it is even harder to have a closure when the things drag on and too many people get involved. mc is such a hard topic and the people who haven't been through it come out with all sorts of insensitive shit and also don't know their limits when it comes to commenting here and there.

i really hope it solves for you soon and that you'd be able to move away and start healing

hi, thanks for writing again
You make some great points about not focusing too much on ttc so much with your relationship. That totally makes sense as I read your thought process. I think it is better for your relationship, and emotional-physical health to take time to heal and not be obsessive about wanting a baby. The thought processes have been odd for me. With my first miscarriage, last year, I didn't even want to try after all once I was losing the baby. The thought didn't cross my mind at all with moving on and trying. But with this miscarriage, it was different. I desire to move on and have another baby so much. But my mind is a little different because now I'm more cautious with my heart I guess. Since I have had 2 miscarriages now, I worry now about there being some kind of problem with my fertility which basically will end the possibility of having one more baby. And at this point I have accepted this possibility because I don't want to keep trying to have babies and lose them repeatedly, it is just way too hard on me physically and emotionally. The worry of something being wrong with my body physically is in the front of my mind because I have had two children already (and believe me I totally know how lucky I am to have them now), and the pregnancies with them went well. However I was a tad younger with them. So I wonder if my age has something to do with it now too. Oh by the way, I totally get what you mean by your fertility tests checking out and being all clear. We had a large number of blood tests done and they showed the same thing (however, the blood draws were done when I was still miscarrying. Obviously my doctor made a lot of mistakes. So I am not sure if the tests are still considered legit or not). Anyhow, I still felt the same as you, it is such a relief to see there is nothing specifically showing wrong, but also so confusing, because nothing has been found but we keep miscarrying We have decided to see a fertility doctor now to make sure there is nothing else going on.That way we can officially decide whether or not to try again.
Well the good news is my hcg dropped to 496 (it was 1313 just 5 days before). So hopefully it will drop quickly and be over now soon. The doctor wants me to get checked next Dec. 5th. I'm glad things are moving along but also sad you know. At one end, it is good that this is coming to an end, but at the other end, I still hurt knowing this baby is officially gone.
I'm sorry I am rambling, I tend to do that a lot on here.
I went to a family holiday event yesterday, that was so hard for me. I am already not much of a "big social party" kind of person. So that in itself was hard. But my kids were looking forward to being with their cousins and I knew how much they wanted to go. I was trying to prepare myself with responding to people with trying to talk to me about the miscarriage, because unfortunately they know. And even though it was uncomfortable I kept it simple and didn't elaborate on my feelings so it went ok. However at dinner time during conversation my sister in law said, "isn't it nice that we don't have to deal with high chairs now, and all the kids can feed themselves." I don't know if she intentionally meant to hurt me with that but it hurt. Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with you since you mentioned people tend to make insensitive comments, and that was one of those times. Yet, I know I am more sensitive right now because of just going through this prolonged miscarriage. Oh my, sorry for my novel. Thanks for taking the time to write and listen to me. Write whenever you get the chance, seriously no rush.