He changed his mind...

[MommyOnMyMind]

Hi everyone,

I need your help and you guys are the only ones who understand. We got pregnant in December and lost our baby in February with a missed miscarriage. It was a horrifying first pregnancy and it took two months for my hormone levels to go to 0. I have finally had two cycles and my husband said we could start trying during my last cycle just last week. Well, this week is my ovulation time and I am actually due to ovulate tomorrow (but I may have today). I am not charting anything except my cycles since we are just now ttc I didn't want to pull out the sticks and charts just yet. Well he tells me today he changed his mind.

I'm just completely heartbroken and I was very rational at first and asked why. He said he wants to have more money. I made a great argument for that and then he said he wants me to get a job. (I work part time and am in between school semesters right now) we agreed that I wouldn't work when we have the baby so I don't understand why Id get a full time job just to leave it when the baby is here? Its never been an issue. Then he said he wants to have time to go on vacation and spend time together. Which is it?! Honestly I couldn't even look at him much less talk to him. Later after bottling it in we got in a heated argument. I have suffered so much these last couple months and I feel like a mother without a child.

What do I do and have you experienced this? If he had said okay we will have a baby and then change his mind BEFORE the miscarriage that's one thing but we were going to have a baby and now we aren't. I need that back...

 

[Redcat85]

Im very sorry for your loss. my guess is that your husband is just scared of going thru another mc again. the same thing happened with my husband just recently. i knew he wanted to have more kids but he was still hurting from our most recent loss and he didnt want me to have to go thru this again either. but like i told him, our desire for another child has to outweigh the fear and pain of losing another. and it does, so we will keep trying. im sure your husband will come around, maybe he just needs a little more time.

 

[flou]

I agree with redcat. It sounds as if he is scared of going through another loss. From my own experience, my DH said he felt completely helpless when I had my first loss. He was sad and upset but he hated seeing me devastated and hated the way he couldn't easily fix the problem. And he was hesitant to ttc after my second mc. But I said to him we have come this far we can't give up now. Third time was a charm for us but I know DH doesn't want to go through all that again in any hurry. And my little boy has definitely been worth all the pain I have been through. I hope you get your rainbow soon!

 

[mummy2_1]

So so sori for your loss. My oh did something similar to this. When we first started ttc our first. He would go back on what he said and say he wanted to wait, then would totally change his mind saying he would like to try. It was very confusing and alike being on a your of emotions. I hated him when he took it back and was in bliss when he said we could start ttc again. I.think.he was like this bcos he only thought about a baby a small amount of the time. And ttc is a very scary thing for a man to consider its official and a huge commitment. Women think about ttc all the time once.you start where as men may only think about it when it.comes.to actually dtd, or when we bring it up so becomes rli daunting. Does this make sense??

Anyway finally my oh said he'd like a baby and we started to ttc. I could tell he was trying Not to think about it, and didn't rli like to talk about it. He was like an animal caught in headlights when we fell pg and then the whole way through our first pg. But seeing How he is with our lb I know it's true love.

This time he brought up ttc a second for our son's sake. He wanted them to have a strong sibling bond. But again when it came to ttc I could tell.he was trying not to think about it. As far as him saying if it happens it happens. Sometimes I think men arnt in touch with what their mouths say! He's super happy now we are expecting.

I think.ur oh is scared. Of a baby, of another mc, of the unknown. It's a scary time for us being pg, but we don't rli think qbout the emotions men go through.

Good luck with your journey.

 

[MommyOnMyMind]

Thanks everyone. He decided to go ahead and try when it came to ovulation time but he hasn't said if we are going to try if we don't fall pregnant this month. I really hope we just end up pregnant so we don't have to talk about this later. LOL. But I don't think I'm going to press it in the future. I know I will be thinking about it but I know he doesn't need that stress on him. I'm trying to have a calm mind and think if it happens it happens. But that's hard to do because of everything we've gone through lately. I believe we will have our baby! Thank you all for your support.