He says he did this for me,not for him

[Mally01]

Grrrr need to vent. My FOB is losing the plot. Just got off the phone with him as he left a message saying he is thinking of topping himself ( hates his job, he has a broken foot stopping him from getting another job, the pregnancy, life is cruel to him etc) So I called him and told him to calm down and that he is going through a tough time right now so be easy on himself. He says he misses me and that he had to leave (I dumped him in the end after loads of 'I am miserable, I don't want to have a child and you must move on' type e-mails.) He says he had to leave for my sake and not for his. He never wanted to be without me but he failed at being a Father before (won't even tell me how his child died so I can't discuss that with him) so will fail now. There is no happiness in his soul anymore, he thinks life is awful and unfair to him. He says no-one cares about him...HELLO! I just give up, I really do. On the one hand I want to help him but he won't let me and on the other I have a baby to think of and I don't want to spend my pregnancy in a fog of depression about him.

Seriously thinking about just not responding to texts anymore or not contacting him at all for a long time. But would this be abandoning him if he is this depressed? Just don't know what approach I should take with him, any advice welcome.

 

[Lemonflower]

A hard one!! Can you contact his family and tell them your concerns or what he's said.
My ex left me and is in a really strange place.
You need to concentrate looking after yourself Hun and your little one!!
xxxx

 

[Laura2919]

I wouldnt respond. If my FOB said he was gonna top himself I'd text back and say do it. cos I know full well that if he was going to do it he would do it without the need for a message. Seriously, if he was really going to he would do it, he is just leaving you messages cos he wants to talk to you and he wants you to feel sorry for him.

Tell a family member what he is saying and just say I cant be there for him. I have to be there for myself first.

Dont let him get under your skin.

 

[Mally01]

A hard one!! Can you contact his family and tell them your concerns or what he's said.
My ex left me and is in a really strange place.
You need to concentrate looking after yourself Hun and your little one!!
xxxx

He has no family. His Dad abandoned him as a baby (go figure! you'd think he'd learn from that) and his Mum handed him over to his gran (who passed away) to bring up. It's one of the reasons he gets so depressed sometimes, as when he has problems in life, he literally has no-one to turn to and finds it difficult to cope when too much is going on. Right now he is wearing a plaster cast on his leg that he has had on for weeks and now been told he has to wear it for another 5 weeks. I think he may also be battling terribly with his conscience about leaving me to have the baby alone as he knows its bloody wrong and he shouldn't do it. Ah well not much I can do. My Mum made a good point earlier (she hates him). She said if I am that concerned that he is going to top himself, rather than be forced to contact him, check the Motorbike webpage every now and then that he visits every single day and if he suddenly isn't checking in to it then maybe become concerned (he literally never misses a single day logging in to it). Not sure I can be bothered to keep tabs on him though. I just don't want the hassle or to be dragged into his miriad of problems he always has. My babba isn't a 'problem' or the worst thing that could happen, he/she is amazing and wonderful and I want them to be surrounded by happiness and love.

 

[babydue2011]

isnt it funny how some of these ex/FOB try to make their life sound so hard and sad! thats what my ex is doing. He has turned to drinking, partying and drugs.. says he feels guilty for everything and asked me if he should kill himself to make me feel better! really!? really!? ughhh i hate him but it does still hurt. plus he has a new gf.. so he is not the one alone 24/7 like i am... they need to get over themselfs. then when i try to help him and be sweet he turns around and says horrible things to me. Plus when i need somebody to talk to .. do you think he is there...... oh no no no! Goodluck hun

 

[Mally01]

I think it's a combination of him just not taking responsibility for things in his own life and then shit happens (inevitably!) and a total guilt trip over leaving me. I know he is as guilty as hell about not stepping up about the pregnancy and some days that gives me some comfort as I just think 'serves you right'.