He wants to see him!! what a week!!

[precious-gift]

OMG what a week i have had with my ex. started with his mum and sister coming up to see jake last saturday, it was the first time they had seen him. It was all very amicable and ex mil only mentioned the ex once, which was good. Apparantly when i had given birth, my ex wanted to come through to the hospital to see jake, but his mum told him it probably wasn't a good idea!! I can't understand how he went from that to wanting nothing to do with him

Anyway on wednesday i went to our house, which he lives in to pick up some mail, i couldn't find any and there was a lot of evidence that he has her living in our house, toothbrush, shower gel, shampoo, meals for 2, bottles of wine etc!! really mad about that as its the only thing i asked him not to, he swore on his unborn child life that he would never have her in the house! So went to see solicitor, who said there was nothing i could do about it, which i already knew, but a lot of stuff is still in the house that he agreed i could have, washing machine, fridge freezer etc. she did say that there was nothing stopping me removing these items, although im not meant to do it until the house sells, as i can't be expected to let her use my stuff. organised a van on monday to do this when he is out!

Well yesterday i got a text from him out of the blue, using his new mobile number, which he wouldn't give me before. He said, im down visting my mum this weekend, but i would like to meet jake, maybe sometime next week what do i make of that, i actually now feel guilty for wanting to remove everything from the house (oh he will only be left with a suite and tv btw!) Why do i feel guilty after all he has done to me? do i let him meet jake after all this time? i know his mum and sister have been working on him to see sense. I also told his sister that the other woman is having an affair behind my ex's back, maybe it has something to do with that!

Then today i got a letter from the council offering me a flat in the worst area of town, just my luck. i have refused it, just got to hope the offer me something better next time!

I havent replied to his text, actually quite proud of myself, as i would normally text back immediately i wish he would just get out of my life, and leave us to get on with it

sorry for the rant x

 

[leeanne]

It definitely sounds like he's hurt you greatly, hon, and I am so sorry for that.

But I am going to say something and please don't think I am being insensitive. The child you have is both yours and his, and in the end, it's the child that truly matters in any situation where the parents have split and, unfortunately, that's the thing that many forget. And the sad thing is, because you both have a child together, you and your ex are tied together through life.

If your child has the opportunity to get to know the dad, and if the dad is willing to be involved, then please let your feelings be pushed to the side for the sake of your child. Unfortunately, it won't be easy, I totally understand that. But give him a chance to meet his child and perhaps he may walk away and perhaps he may just want to stay involved.

I am sorry you have to go through this as I am sure it must be so very difficult.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

I completely agree with Leeanne though. What has happened between you and your ex, has nothing to do with your child and your son,, and it is not right for you to keep him away from his father. Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear, but it is true. Your son deserves a father, regardless of what he has done to you. (unless he is abusive)

 

[Novbaby08]

You know, my daughter's dad has hardly made an attempt to see her. THough I have found that when his love life is going down the shitter, suddenly he wants to be her dad, he misses me, etc. Not sure what you should do, I don't know him.

 

[purpledahlia]

guys have such a bad habit of coming crawling back when their life isnt going smoothly. I dont think your wrong in wanting to take the stuff from your flat, but i would tell him your doing it. Just say you have no reason to let 'her' live off your stuff so you will be removing it and she can replace it if she is living there. Tell him you have been offered a flat he doesnt need to know your not taking it. Might just make it easier for him to accept that your taking the stuff.
I would prob let him see Jake, If hes not met him yet id give him a chance to be a dad, he doesnt need to be your friend. But you should make it clear to him its gonna be done your way.. but still meet him, when it suits you and Jake. not him. And if he thinks he can walk in and out once hes met him he is wrong! you should tell him, once he meets him thats it, he has a commitment to make.. he cant just 'decide' to show up when he feels like it, its worth giving him a chance to be a dad, but dont let him make the rules. xx

 

[xxannxx]

I agree with previous post. Its hard but i would lay down the law and then if he still wants to see LO, i would let him. At least that way u've given him the chance and if he lets LO down again, thats his choice.
These fathers have to answer to their children in the end.

 

[precious-gift]

hey thanks for replies girls, i know you are right but it is so hard, but i need to be the bigger person. i havent heard from him again, so wait and see if he texts again.

to top it all off iv been diagnosed with post natal depression, hoping i can get through it myself, and get out and about more. any other single mums had pnd and got through it without antidepressents? x

 

[edinsam]

aw hun you really going through it... Can't believe they have diagnosed you with pnd... Although considering what you have gone through I am not surprised. All I can say if anyone can get through that you can - look how you have coped this year. Massive hugs to you.

I know you will be the bigger person with Jake, I just hope he doesn't muck you about. At least he has attempted to see him - thats a start.

 

[purpledahlia]

Please dont try to go thru it yourself, theres lots of support available please use it.. theres a thread on here in postnatal support for pnd sufferrers, i introduced a friend to it and she says its been a godsend. I dont have the link, i dont go over there.
You can get counsuelling too... theres lots of options before trying medication. Good luck xx

 

[precious-gift]

next week im going to start going to baby groups and i have a few nights out planned, so hoping that will help me a lot, if not then i definately will get help. im not suprised that iv got PND eas expecting it.