health issues with first child, scared it will happen again

[xXsamXx]

First am sorry if this is in the wrong place, but am worried and want to get something of my chest, this is one of the main reasons why i joined this forum.

I was 18 years old when me and my partner had are first little girl. Then the day before her 2nd birthday (i was 20 years old) my daughter Emma was diagnosed with a very rare and aggsive form of cancer called Neuroblastoma, it was stage 4 amplifed. Meaning she doesnt have a great chance of servial. she went through nearly 2 years of treatment, She has been in remission for 23 months which is very lucky for this type of cancer, however if emma relapses there is no none relapse treatment, which means are little girl will only be on pain relief until she becomes an angel. However were praying that emma WONT relapse and she will be on of the lucky ones

You never think it can happen to you and spesh not your child, my world ended when emma got diganosed, but seeing emma cope and do so well got me through it.

I always said i didnt want any more. But over time as emma got better and stronger we wanted another one, and now am nearly 8 months pregnant with are little boy. But am so scared history will repeat its self as i have nothing to compare to, if that makes sense. I always said one of the main reasons i didnt want another one was because if we ever lost emma i wouldnt want to put another child through the pain of losing someone so close. Am sorry if am going on, am just going through the emotions now am coming to the end am so scared things are going so great that something bad is going to happen.

Even though emma is in remission at the min, she is still a hand full. she has ALOT of side effects to the chemo, IE she is deaf, she has joint pain so cant walk very far, she is on a special diet, and the mean one is it has effected her learning, which fingers crossed she will catch up with, but at the min she is 5 but has the mental age of a 3 year old at the min. So it is hard work.

Am sorry if this doesnt make sense, am just trying to get so much out. But am so happy where having another baby, emma is so excited and me and ste cant wait to see her with the baby, it fills me up just thinking about it. but am so scared that something will happen.

xx

 

[velvetina]

Oh lovely a big hug to you, what your say makes perfect sense, I am so sorry you have to experience such heartache. I know 2 people who have been affected with this type of cancer. Both boys, the youngest who is doing really well (not brothers). Both have had siblings who have been completely unaffected and in the youngest, mum is expecting her 3rd now.

That is one hell of an experience to go through and no wonder you feel like this, with such an enormous weight is there anyone you can talk to maybe for support or counselling. To talk through your fears and to try and reassure you, especially before your little boy comes.

Your little girl sounds like a real fighter, and has done brilliantly, I bet she will be overjoyed with her new brother. Wishing you all the very best and please speak to your dr about your anxiety it is very real and totally understandable, there are people out there who can help. x x

 

[xXsamXx]

Thank you

i went to a health centre last year, to open up and talk. But to be honest it wasnt much help. It helped me get my life back on track (i got realy depressed)
, but the feelings i feel towards this cancer and what i have to live with every day, well it didnt help to much. I have tried to speak to close friends and family but they all say the same. Emma will be fine, when the baby is here he will be great. but its easy for them to say. Some times you can tell they dont want to talk about it because it hurts them to the thought of something happening to emma. So i keep alot locked in for the sake of other people. I was thinking of going to the doctor, but i dont no what he can say other than send me to the health centre again. I just feel like its silly and try and snap out of it, but its soooo hard.

What are the names of the boys? thanks to facebook am in contact with alot of people who have had children with NB.

Emma is excited for the baby, always feeling him kick and wanting to get him things, she keeps tellin us how she will be feeding him and holding him, there will be nothing left for us to do haha.

Thank you for the reply, i was told to sign up to a pregnancy forum like this as i was told it can often help talking to people you dont no, as there not emotional involved with the situation. xxxx