heart broken little boy

[ukgirl23]

Hi all,

I have a six year old son who has just recently been rejected by a man who raised him from a baby, his bio dad lives in another country so my ex become a dad to him and they done everything together, my sons bond to my ex was fragile because he didnt have his dad around he found it hard to trust my ex but he did trust him on some level if you know what I mean? 2 months ago my ex told me he didnt love me and grabbed his stuff and left 10 minutes later, it was completely out of the blue, our relationship wasnt perfect but I was so deeply in love with him we never saw it coming. Since the split he was having contact with my six year old and our 1 year old last weekend he dropped contact with my six year old and decided only to have contact with the baby who is his biological son. My son was destroyed he blames himself no matter how much I tell him its not his fault, he said he didnt love daddy enough and thats why he left, since he found out he couldnt have contact with my ex anymore he has been a nightmare and I'm trying so hard to forgive him, I know it is hard on him, I am struggling to cope with his behaviour and being a single mum of 3 and home educating my oldest child and looking after a baby while tackling the house work and trying to get us out the house every day is getting to be a really challenge, he moans about everything. tongiht he refused to eat dinner then he kicked and punched the furniture because I asked him to sit and talk to us anyway. He throws himself on the floor and cried and moans if I ask him to do anything. He shouts that he hates me and he shouts no when I ask him to do something. Its becoming to be something that I fear i can't cope with. Please can anyone give me some advice?

 

[tallybee]

Aw hun my heart goes out to you and your son. It will take time. You're doing everything right in reassuring your son. Keep going and it'll get easier x

 

[hopeandpray]

What a horrible shock for both of you. The most important thing right now is to make him feel really safe and loved. Even though he's acting up, the most important thing for him right now is to know that you love him and will never leave him.

 

[RachA]

Really sorry to hear this.

I think you need to do two things.
1 carry in making sure you show him how much you love him etc
2 find someone he can talk to about it. I think you can go to your doctors and they can put you in touch with people to do some counselling. I'm not a counselling enthusiast but there are times when it does really help and I think this is one of those times.

 

[jrob]

My heart aches for you and your little boy. I cried reading your post. I have no children of my own, but I have been with my stepson's father since he was a little over a year old. I have been helping raise him since the beginning and he just turned 7. I can't even possibly imagine not being in his life if things didn't work out between me and his father. I can't fathom what your ex is thinking. It doesn't make any sense to me and it breaks my heart. I am sorry I don't have advice for you. Just love and support. Keep doing what you're doing. Show him how much his mommy loves him. It is going to be tough but someday he will understand and look back and say my mom was the greatest and I am SO lucky to have her. Sending hugs and LOTS of positive energy your way. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

 

[daneuse27]

What kind of disgusting human being lets down a child like this? Your ex should be deeply ashamed of himself.

I feel terrible for your 6 year old, who's done nothing to deserve this rejection. I agree with others that some counselling might be in order. In my area, we have 'Big Brothers Big Sisters' where kids who are going through family issues are placed with an older mentor who spends time with them, and is another support system for them. I would look into something like this for your son.

 

[seoj]

I cannot understand why any parent (biological or not) could be like this? But- I've seen many friends ex's just fluff off their bio- children for months or years... as though they don't matter. So I can only imagine how difficult this is on your son. I saw enough with my SD (who I help raise full time) and her bio-mom, who would make promises but always fail her and was never really a mom. And tbh- she's a horrid human being (long story- but if you knew all she did to my hubby after they seperated or her child... I just cannot comprehend). At the end of the day- the good parent takew the brunt of it. The good parent follows through, and shows love (no matter what)- they are there EVERY day... making it work. And the kids, long term, are better for it.

Point is- your son has YOU. You are the stable force in his life- but because he feels abandon, he's going to lash out at the one person giving him unconditional love. He's going to push boundaries and test your limits... as frustrating and difficult at that is right now, it will get better in time. Eventually he'll see that you are not going anywhere. Ever. That you will love him no matter how naughty he is or how hard he pushes you away. I wish I could tell you when that is- but all you can know is that when boundaries, consistency and a TON of love... he'll get it.

I've see it happen all too many times- with my friends kids and my SD (who's grown into such a wonderful young woman- in part because of counseling, and mostly cause of her support system of her dad, grandparents and eventually me). It's still heartbreaking. I'm sorry. I wish there was a better answer. It just sucks you can't make someone be a good parent. It's infuriating to say the least.

 

[Tasha]

This is so sad.

Play therapy would be good for him, I think. The school or GP can sort that x