Heartbroken after weaning :-(

[Bid]

My son is 2 years 10 months and yesterday we had our last 'booba' session. It was a good one, a lovely snuggly lazy afternoon nap. But at the time I wasn't sure it was going to be the last time so I don't feel I relished it as much as I should have, I'm regretting that now. I've been gently encouraging him to wean for a few months, cutting down his nursing sessions slowly and not nursing him to sleep anymore, but he has always been obsessed with his booba so I knew eventually I'd need to be the one to end it. He still wakes up several times a night and expects booba on tap when we were at home, if anything he was getting worse instead of better. So after our nap yesterday I decided to try the 'band aid trick', putting two over my nipples and telling him boobas were broken and there was no milk left. To my suprise he accepted it without getting particularly upset. Even when bed time came, he asked a few times but accepted what I told him without much fuss. During the night he got a bit upset, and again at nap time today but I think that's because he was overtired. But not as bad as I thought. It's now been 26 hours since he last nursed, and I know there's no going back now because it would just confuse him. And all my reasons for weaning him still stand. I'm just so, so sad about it. I've just sat and sobbed my heart out for an hour while he was out with DH, and now I've started I can't stop. Feel so silly but I can't help it, I know it's time but I'm just heartbroken to think I'll never nurse him again

 

[pineapple91]

your story reminds me of mine with my DS#1 i stopped with him around the same time. Have no fear the snuggle times can continue for me booby time was replaced with story time and it felt just as good.

 

[HBGirl]

Aaaaawwwwww! I am dreading weaning my girl.

 

[Bid]

I've just put him to bed and we snuggled and read three books, half way through the second one he said "booba please" but it was almost like he remembered as he said it, because he kind of caught himself and asked for his juice (water) instead. I just said "I'm so sorry sweetie but mummy doesn't have booba any more remember?" and then asked if we could have a cuddle and he said yes. Straight to sleep with no fuss afterwards. I'm obviously more traumatised by it than he is! I'm glad I did it the way I did instead of just saying no. By saying they were broken I guess he didn't feel like I was just denying him on purpose. The fact he's accepted it shows he was ready, it had definitely just become a habit and a crutch for when he was bored, sad, tired etc. I'm dreading tonight because he might forget and get upset again, felt so guilty when he cried today.

 

[mara16jade]

I feel so bad for you. I know it has to come to an end, but....still. I'm not looking forward to it either, but I do like your approach and I think I'll have to use that. Huge

 

[Bid]

I know some people just go cold turkey or put something nasty tasting on their nipples but I didn't want us to end on a bad note. He keeps saying "poor mummy sore boobas" and stroking my back lol! They are sore today actually, I'd hoped because I wasn't feeding so much I'd not get the engorgement but it looks like the sage capsules and cabbage leaves are coming out!

Last night was rough for me. He seemed quite unsettled and woke up a lot but only actually asked for booba twice. He accepted it easy enough but it set me off and I ended up lying there cuddling him with tears rolling down my cheeks for hours, I was in a right state, full of guilt about not letting him self wean like I'd planned. He's fine this morning though, woke up happy and full of cuddles and no mention of booba. He's now wolfing down his breakfast, I guess not having milk on tap all night leaves him a bit hungry! My head knows it's the right time, he was far too dependent on it and it was affecting his sleep (and mine!), he wouldn't eat his breakfast or dinner because he'd filled up on milk, and whenever he was bored or tired he'd be pulling at my clothes constantly. Night weaning never worked for us and he had very bad nursing manners, fiddling and pinching and rolling around and kicking, not to mention pulling my boobs out without asking, even in public! So I'd started to dread nursing him which wasn't nice. I'm already enjoying getting cuddles without it just being about the boobs!

 

[Lizzybee]

Oh wow, so many things that I will have to contend with. I've just cried reading your thread. Why does this have to be so emotional and heart wrenching for us??

 

[Itsychik]

sending you hugs. It's such a difficult decision and a very personal one but it sounds like you put a lot of thought into it and that your DS is accepting it well.

 

[Bid]

Things have got a bit easier now, he's not asking for it during the day or at bedtime at all anymore and there's only been a couple of times he's asked for it during the past couple of nights, although he's still waking just as frequently and when he does ask and I have to refuse it triggers a huge tantrum which is awful. We cosleep so I'm hoping he'll stop waking soon once he gets used to it, but if not I'll need to rethink our sleeping arrangements. One thing at a time though!

I think my hormones are starting to level out a bit because a few days ago I felt like I was drowning and kept bursting into tears, it was like someone had died. I still have moments of guilt but I'm feeling more sure about the decision now. For one, I'm loving getting cuddles without it being all about the boobs! He's eating better and he doesn't seem as clingy to me as he used to, but in a good way. He's still very affectionate, more so if anything, but he doesn't have a meltdown if I leave the room for two minutes like he used to. I think that was more about his 'booba' walking out the room than it was about me! It's funny because he constantly had his hand down my top before, so I thought that wouldn't change, but he's not been interested at all. I've made sure to wear high necklines and keep covered up all the time, and bought new nighties for bedtime so he didn't associate the old ones with booba. I've been sprinkling olbas oil down my top to hide the milk smell too, so I think all those things have helped. And thankfully the engorgement has disappeared now too!

 

[Kanichen34]

Lots of great tips here - my LO is only 13 months so I'm hoping she'll self wean when ready but if she doesn't I think the method you've used is great. Congratulations on such a wonderful breastfeeding relationship.

 

[Bid]

I'm pleased to report things are much better now. It's a week (and 3 hours lol) since he last nursed and he's eating better, sleeping better, and is much easier to deal with during the day because he's not constantly clawing at my boobs! I realise now I was avoiding cuddles a lot of the times because I didn't want to nurse him and there was never a choice - cuddle meant booba, so I'd find excuses to delay him until later. Now we cuddle all the time, it's lovely! I'm so glad it's ended nicely without too much trauma (for him, anyway!) and he's not resenting me at all. I've loved nursing him and really hope we have another baby so I get to do it again - although next time I'll be teaching good nursing manners from the start and night weaning as early as possible lol!

 

[patch2006uk]

Aw, I'm glad you're happy with how it ended in the end. It's very bittersweet. My eldest self weaned, but the last few weeks of feeds were sore and a bit awkward (i was about 33 weeks pregnant) I wish is been able to cherish those last few feeds more than I did, but I have no regrets now, almost a year later.

I think nursing manners are super important too-my eldest weaned a few days after he turned 3, but no way could I have done that long without some serious boundaries in place! It's my body, not just a snack bar, so I was always pretty firm on what I did and didn't allow. No hands down tops, nipple twiddling, pinching, that sort of thing. I always tried to cuddle before giving milk if he was hurt or sad, after he turned 1. It'll be interesting to see how things pan out with my youngest.

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

Oh gosh, I'm welling up here. Your son sounds exactly like my daughter and we also call them 'boobas'. I know I will have to end our breastfeeding relationship as she loves it too much. I plan on doing it next summer before she starts pre school in September. I'm going to be heartbroken.

You've done so well. Just think of what a wonderful thing you have done for your son in breastfeeding him. You will look back in years to come and laugh with him about this. Hugs to you x

 

[Bid]

I think nursing manners are super important too-my eldest weaned a few days after he turned 3, but no way could I have done that long without some serious boundaries in place! It's my body, not just a snack bar, so I was always pretty firm on what I did and didn't allow. No hands down tops, nipple twiddling, pinching, that sort of thing. I always tried to cuddle before giving milk if he was hurt or sad, after he turned 1. It'll be interesting to see how things pan out with my youngest.

Snack bar is exactly how I felt at the end! He definitely thought they belonged to him and I was just keeping them warm for him

I think if I'd set more boundaries at the start we'd still be nursing and I would have let him self wean, but of course if there had been more boundaries he might not have been so overly attached to the boobs and might have self weaned earlier, so I guess I'll never know. Now that we've stopped I realise what a booba addict he'd become, it really wasn't pleasant. The grabbing and clawing at me, constant snacking at the milk bar instead of eating, waking up ten times a night, tantrums and screaming to the point of being sick if I said no. He's much more chilled out now.

He's still asked for it a few times, I don't think that'll stop for a while. But he doesn't get sad when I remind him we don't have booba anymore. I think he's just chancing his luck