Heartbroken (first time away from LO)

[Orlantha]

My LO's dad became mentally ill when my son was 6 months old (schizophrenia; delusional). He was hospitalized for his mental illness and after being released, did not follow through with his treatment. That was back in March.

I gave him another chance, but in August it became apparent that he was still suffering from mental illness, so I left and my son and I have been living apart from him since.

Constantly harassed by my son's dad for more and more visits (half of which ended in me calling the police to make my ex give the baby back to me), I finally got a lawyer and took it to family court. The result was not what I expected at all: yes, my ex needed to have supervised visitation (meaning his mother needs to be present every second he is with his dad), but they gave him visitation every other weekend and one overnight a week.

I live in New York State, which is the most strict enforcer of paternal rights of all the states. But, I cannot believe this ruling. I am still in shock. My son's dad goes crazy, puts both me and my son in danger and the end result is that I lose 1/3 of my son's life?

I have to be apart from him 8 nights each month. I have been crying ever since I found out. I have always been an attachment parent. My son has never had anyone put him to bed but me; if I am not home by 7:30, he is inconsolable. I am so worried about my LO being scarred by having to be away from mommie for two nights in a row.

He just left a half hour ago. How did you cope with that first time away?

 

[moomin_troll]

That's awful circumstances and I am surprised a person with such mental health issues is allowed a child that much.
But I wouldn't see this has ur losing out on ur child's life, ur not. He's hopefully gaining a great relationship with his dad (fingers crossed) and out of both parents u do get to be with ur son more which is great.
I'm sure the first few times will be very hard, more so for u then ur son I think.
Personally I'd try and make the most of this time to look after urself, have lazy nights and get out and do things u can't do with ur son around.

I am a full time single mum and I'd kill for a break

 

[Dezireey]

I'm sorry you have had to go through that. My ex suffered a brain injury and he has been erratic,pathalogical lying, irrational and aggressive towards me since. We no longer speak and at present he has a webpage where he posts images every day of guns and weapons. I am quite glad that he wants nothing to do with his son as I would be in your shoes if he suddenly wanted access. I think I would just go crazy now if the court gave him rights to see my son. I am also committed to attachment parenting and my heart would break if my LO had to leave me for even a day.

All I can say to you is that make sure you are vigilant about visits. i.e every time your ex is with your child he is not alone. Make any notes or records of anything you are not happy about. Its not nice to want to take a child away from its father and a relationship with a father is ideal but not when the person has bad mental health problems.

I hope things turn out okay for you. As Moomin said, occupy yourself when you are alone and take the time out to relax.

What you may find, is that when LO gets older, if they feel unsafe with their Dad or are really unhappy being around them, they will have a voice and be able to express that to a court themselves if needed.