Hello, advise ?

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Hey, will start by saying i never know if its okay for me to post in here or not ?
I'm not with FOB but have a partner of over two years, so whilst i am not single i feel i have SOME of the same issues, so i hope no one minds

Basically i am unsure what to do for xmas, usually we share xmas, as in we have LO for the first half of the day and takes him for the second half, so everyone is a winner, But this year i don't feel like i should share, like he hasn't earned the "right" to half of my day with LO ... i dno if i sound crazy

this year FOB joined the Army, and is still in training, so "never has time to come home" but we live in a small town lol i have EVERYONE he knows on f.b and likely vice versa, so i know he has been home the last two weekends, once for a house party and once just to go "on the lash" he is based about 3 hours drive away. And both those times didn't even call to let us know he was in town.

before this month he was just texting on a saturday without any notice and saying "i'm home can i have Luke" and we have always supported any effort he makes, always say yes, but its just getting annoying, and when we say we are annoyed about him just telling us at the last min, we get giving a huge story about how he wont know until the last minute himself

he is the sort of "dad" that likes to tell people how proud he is of his kid or how much he loves him, but he is really just something he likes to use in conversation ? he was only really bothered when he was with his ex (who i get on really well with) an example of his parenting; he rented a flat with his gf, and turned the second room into a gym for himself, whilst complaining that he couldn't have LO overnight, (because he had no where to sleep) he eventually surprised us all and changed the spare room into a room for luke, and Luke stayed over once:/ in a year ! .. when they then broke up, his gf rang me and invited me over, and asked me if i wanted the stuff from lukes room as she had infact brought it all! and decorated the whole thing, and obviously had no need for it, as she was moving back to her parents house (she is 20)

Then he left and joined the army (only been there for about 4 months) and now i am at the end of my tether! what am i suppose to do... ?! how do i tell him he has to see him on designated days when he claims to have such an insane timetable and works 3 hours away now?! and also after what has gone on the last month with him coming home to see his mates and not luke, when he asks me about xmas i am likely to laugh in his face, because its so typical to want to have him on xmas because he can show him off to his family and it will look bad if he doesn't have him .... but i'm sick of Luke being used like this, when he actually loves his dad so much, and his dad just uses him

 

[MummyJade]

I would offer him boxing day... If it was me i wouldn't spend my child xmas day when he picks and chooses..

from what you have said hes only bothered with Luke when suits him.. Why should he have him on a special day just to show hes 'the best dad going'....

It gets very annoying when they do that x

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Thanks doesn't look like anyone else in here likes me
Yeah i think i am just going to tell him to shove xmas up his arse !

 

[MummyJade]

Don't be silly, it can be quiet in here sometimes...

Yeah i don't blame you, He doesn't sound over interested so i would say boxing day...
x

 

[dustbunny]

This whole forum doesn't get much traffic... and then everyone comes at once!! Haha!! I am a bit confused as to whether you are with him or not? Excuse me for my ignorance but I don't understand why when he comes home he doesn't tell you he is back and you have to find out over facebook?? If it was me I wouldn't mind him going out but as long as he came and saw me and the LO. From what has been written it seems like he is only half heartedly in the relationship??
As for asking to have LO for Christmas afternoon, I'd bring up the facts that he has had opportunity to see LO when he was away from training but instead he chose to go out on the lash. I agree with MummyJade, offer him Boxing Day... it is completely unfair for him to think he can come and pick up you and LO whenever HE wants to.

 

[Laura2919]

You still have an FOB so you can post

I'd also offer Boxing Day and explain why.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

This whole forum doesn't get much traffic... and then everyone comes at once!! Haha!! I am a bit confused as to whether you are with him or not? Excuse me for my ignorance but I don't understand why when he comes home he doesn't tell you he is back and you have to find out over facebook?? If it was me I wouldn't mind him going out but as long as he came and saw me and the LO. From what has been written it seems like he is only half heartedly in the relationship??
As for asking to have LO for Christmas afternoon, I'd bring up the facts that he has had opportunity to see LO when he was away from training but instead he chose to go out on the lash. I agree with MummyJade, offer him Boxing Day... it is completely unfair for him to think he can come and pick up you and LO whenever HE wants to.

Thank you for your reply, maybe i was babbling too much lol and didn't explain correctly he is DEFFO an ex lol we have been separated for well over two years, and i have a new partner which i'm sure better explains the f.b issue Thank you tho anyways xx

 

[TweetyPie20]

That's rubbish. My fellas in the army training and he can come home every weekend (he started about 4 months ago too) he's in phase 2 training now.

He can come home every weekend but they have to fill in leave forms that need to be handed in no later than the tuesday before the weekend they want to go home so he doesn't find out last minute he knows well in advance when he can go home, assuming that the rule applies to all camps, however when my fella didn't get his form in by the tuesday they went all the way to someone at the top that was nothing to do with their camp and they said no it's too late so I'm assuming it's the same in all.

As other people have said I'd offer boxing day and tell him he needs to stop messing you around.

x

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

I suspected it was a load of rubbish, but how can i prove it ya know ? lame, lo started crying last night, told me "his daddy was a naughty boy and had lost him" so he has realised he hasn't been back for a month! he is home for good (well xmas) this weekend, but we only know this because his parents told us! he has mentioned (more to brag then to inform) that he is going abroad for alot of next year apparently for training etc cyprus and Canada i think, so good riddance lol!

I suppose that means i should sort the CSA out, we have a private deal atm, but i am sure i am being ripped off, he pays me the same now as he did when he was working minimum wage on agency in a factory ! :/ and keeps telling me he isn't earning anymore... and if he is aboard it would be easy for him to "forget" and i wouldn't have a way to chase him up ! x

 

[Laura2919]

Definitely go to CSA hun. They will tell you what he is supposed to be paying ya.

 

[MummyJade]

Yeah CSA will help you, esp with him in Army he isn't going to be able to pay you like he did...
x

 

[TweetyPie20]

I'd definately go to CSA.

Although they are totally useless tbh.

And I know for a fact when he goes overseas he gets paid more than the average squaddie for having a child so make sure you ask them to reassess when he's abroad

x