Hello - how do you call cope?!!

[icantdecide]

Hi, I've been a member of Bnb for a few years now but I sort of dip in and out of being active. I joined after I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant and then miscarried a short time after.

And now I'm back.... Pregnant again and bloody terrified! Everything scares me. I don't go a minute without worrying.

I had major MS (I thought it was travel sickness ha!) before getting my BFP and then a few days before AF was due I needed to pee a lot. All that lasted about 3 days after I found out then abruptly stopped. I get really bad cramps and they scare me so much but no blood thank god! Yesterday I started to get aching boobs slightly but only when knocked or when leaned on and need to pee in the night once but that's it. Would give my right arm for some morning sickness right now

I had an early scan at 5+4 and the nurse said everything was where it was supposed to be at 5+1. I wasn't too worried about it as 3 days out could be down to when I ovulated as I don't know when that was BUT I was looking at other scans at 5 weeks and mine looks different the gestational sac is way smaller and has little blurry white bits in that others don't. The scan I had was part of a medical assessment I had to have and nothing to do with my GP or hospital and she did say the machine wasn't as good as the ones they have at the EPAU. I don't really trust her opinion that everything is where it's supposed to be as that isn't her full time job just one aspect of it.

Now I'm worried the sac is too small and that couple with low symptoms and awful cramps I'm convinced I'm going to miscarry again or worse have a mmc. I'm going to call my nurse tomorrow and beg for a "proper" early scan because I'm just so scars and the cramps are really bad.

Sorry for the rant none of my friends and family know yet except OH obviously and guys are rubbish at this stuff. Well my one is anyway, he is far too logical and practical. Most of the time I love that though so can't complain.

thanks for reading. X

Oh here's my scan - what do you think? Does It look like any of yours or that it could be all ok?

 

[KatyKat]

I think pregnancy after a mc is one of the scariest things ever. I'll never know what it feels like to be pregnant and just enjoy it because me for the whole pregnancy experience is terrifying, I always feel as though something could go horribly wrong just around the corner

Saying that, this forum is a godsend and it always helps to talk to/rant at people who understand what you are going through. My DH is rubbish at 'emotion' and the ladies on here have helped so much in that respect.

We have out first scan at 6 weeks this time, so it looks a little different. I would speak to your GP and see if you can get referred back for another scan to make sure everything is ok. Cramping can be perfectly normal, but I know how worrying it is, and in most cases they will try and scan you just to give you some reassurance, particularly if you have experienced a mc previously?

Fingers crossed it all goes well for you!

 

[icantdecide]

Thank you - I was going to call the GP today but I seem to be feeling a little brighter today so I'll leave it for now. You right though I'll also never be able to just enjoy being pregnant as I'll be too preoccupied wit being scared and worried . I'm going to book a private scan for 9 weeks though im pretty certain of that x

 

[KatyKat]

I had a private scan on Saturday when i panicked after a bleed on Friday, and couldn't be seen on the NHS until today. I just couldn't wait that long to find out if everything was ok. It cost £60 but was money well spent insofar as it put my mind at rest! I don't know what i would have done if it hadn't been an option - been an absolute emotional wreck by todai I imagine!

 

[icantdecide]

Oh i totally agree! Money well spent. Glad everything was ok. Did you still go with NHS as well as private?

 

[CastawayBride]

KatyKat,

Thank you for putting it so nicely about not being able to enjoy pregnancy ever again. I said that in another thread and I felt like people thought i was taking this pregnancy for granted or not giving it the attention it deserves.

After loss how could I ever not be so scared of every twinge? My pregnancy with my son was perfect, I never even had a backache and sadly he is not here. The only way I see coping with this pregnancy is taking it one week at a time and praying that God grants us a sticky bean that will become our baby soon.

 

[icantdecide]

KatyKat,

Thank you for putting it so nicely about not being able to enjoy pregnancy ever again. I said that in another thread and I felt like people thought i was taking this pregnancy for granted or not giving it the attention it deserves.

After loss how could I ever not be so scared of every twinge? My pregnancy with my son was perfect, I never even had a backache and sadly he is not here. The only way I see coping with this pregnancy is taking it one week at a time and praying that God grants us a sticky bean that will become our baby soon.

That's awful I'm sorry you were treated like that. I certainly feel like that so you are not alone. Xxxx

 

[CastawayBride]

KatyKat,

Thank you for putting it so nicely about not being able to enjoy pregnancy ever again. I said that in another thread and I felt like people thought i was taking this pregnancy for granted or not giving it the attention it deserves.

After loss how could I ever not be so scared of every twinge? My pregnancy with my son was perfect, I never even had a backache and sadly he is not here. The only way I see coping with this pregnancy is taking it one week at a time and praying that God grants us a sticky bean that will become our baby soon.

That's awful I'm sorry you were treated like that. I certainly feel like that so you are not alone. Xxxx

Thanks hun, I don't know if it is age or they just lack the vision that I sadly have but I can totally understand and relate when someone says, "I want a baby, not a pregnancy". I am at that point in my life.

With that being said, I still took photos of my pregnancy test and surprised my husband with this news as we are hoping it is a new beginning.

 

[icantdecide]

No, I don't think there is any excuse. Every pregnancy is different and being scared is just part of it in my opinion. I hadn't even though about miscarriage and it happened. Whilst I do wish I could just simply enjoy it I also wouldn't change how I feel. I want this baby so so so much despite being scared.

Aw that's lovely when are you due? x

 

[CastawayBride]

No, I don't think there is any excuse. Every pregnancy is different and being scared is just part of it in my opinion. I hadn't even though about miscarriage and it happened. Whilst I do wish I could just simply enjoy it I also wouldn't change how I feel. I want this baby so so so much despite being scared.

Aw that's lovely when are you due? x

Yeah we were not expecting a blighted ovum to say the least after what we went through...thats for sure!

I am due October 15th. Doctor did agree to induce me at 37 weeks if i want due to my anxiety will probably be through the wall by then!

 

[londongirl]

Gosh I'm so jealous of my friends who 'innocently' get to enjoy their pregnancies. Having had a MMC at 10 weeks and then a natural MC at 6 weeks, I swing between anxious and then disconnected from it. I always say "If this works out, then xxx", whereas my friends who haven't been through it don't understand. They just say "it'll be fine!".

Something I've found really helpful is going back 6 months on this website and searching for posts of people who were in the early stages then and had had previous losses. They were saying similar things to us "oh no I had spotting"; "I had terrible cramps"; "my symptoms disappeared overnight - is it a MMC?" - but you see by their tickers that they are now 7, 8 or 9 months pregnant - so it was just natural pregnancy symptoms. Does that make sense? It helps me to worry less when my BBs suddenly don't hurt too much. Another thing I've tried to do is simply keep as busy as possible (as much as fatigue will allow).

But, yeah, the anxiety is horrible.

Icantdecide - I'd def go for another scan if it'd reassure you. Tho' your scan (to my untrained eyes!) looked FINE! Also, bad cramps are SOOOO normal in early pregnancy - in fact they're more normal than NOT having cramps!

I pray all goes well for you.

x

 

[icantdecide]

Aw thanks Londongirl. I just found out yesterday I have my first midwife appointment in a few weeks so I have that to look forward to and plan for.

Wow, that is a really good idea!! If we can see it worked out for others we can have a little hope it may work out for us. You are very wise

I had really bad cramps last night after DTD and I think I really scared my OH. He was so sweet though making me feel better and rubbing my back. Sometimes all you need is someone to be nice to you x

 

[KatyKat]

Oh i totally agree! Money well spent. Glad everything was ok. Did you still go with NHS as well as private?

Yes, to be honest our experience with the NHS has been great. We were given early scans at 6, 8 and 10 weeks as reassurance by the EPU, and the staff there have been amazing, and very supportive. We had an emergency scan at just under 12 weeks when I had the first bleed, and the official dating scan 3 days later.

My biggest issue with the NHS is that all maternity services (delivery wards aside) seem to operate on a Monday to Friday basis, and if you experience any problems between 5pm on a Friday and 8am on a Monday it's very difficult to get seen, and even if you are seen (usually in A&E) they don't ever seem able to scan you So, from that point of view a private scan to put our minds at rest was 100% worth it. However, I will be going with the NHS for the rest of my scans - assuming we have no more incidents over weekends!

 

[KatyKat]

KatyKat,

Thank you for putting it so nicely about not being able to enjoy pregnancy ever again. I said that in another thread and I felt like people thought i was taking this pregnancy for granted or not giving it the attention it deserves.

After loss how could I ever not be so scared of every twinge? My pregnancy with my son was perfect, I never even had a backache and sadly he is not here. The only way I see coping with this pregnancy is taking it one week at a time and praying that God grants us a sticky bean that will become our baby soon.

Ah hon, I honestly think that unless you've been through a miscarriage it's hard for people to grasp what you're going through. I suppose it works both ways, i have a friend who's had 3 successful pregnancies, and each time she's announced it to the world before she's even been halfaway through the first trimester. It always horrifies me becasue my first thought is always 'what will you do/say if something goes wrong'?!?! But then I remember that for her pregnancy has always been a wonderful/positive experience, and she's never had any reason to doubt that they would go anything other than smoothly.

If anyone is ever critical of you for having a less than sunny outlook about the whole pregnancy thing I would just remind them, gently, that you've been through hell previously, and whilst you fervently hope that this time all will go well, you're only too aware of the potential dangers. If that doesn't give them pause for thought, then frankly I would give up and forget about them.

You can be sure that no-one on this forum (I hope) would ever take that attitude, we've all been there at some point or another!

 

[CastawayBride]

KatyKat,

Thank you for putting it so nicely about not being able to enjoy pregnancy ever again. I said that in another thread and I felt like people thought i was taking this pregnancy for granted or not giving it the attention it deserves.

After loss how could I ever not be so scared of every twinge? My pregnancy with my son was perfect, I never even had a backache and sadly he is not here. The only way I see coping with this pregnancy is taking it one week at a time and praying that God grants us a sticky bean that will become our baby soon.

Ah hon, I honestly think that unless you've been through a miscarriage it's hard for people to grasp what you're going through. I suppose it works both ways, i have a friend who's had 3 successful pregnancies, and each time she's announced it to the world before she's even been halfaway through the first trimester. It always horrifies me becasue my first thought is always 'what will you do/say if something goes wrong'?!?! But then I remember that for her pregnancy has always been a wonderful/positive experience, and she's never had any reason to doubt that they would go anything other than smoothly.

If anyone is ever critical of you for having a less than sunny outlook about the whole pregnancy thing I would just remind them, gently, that you've been through hell previously, and whilst you fervently hope that this time all will go well, you're only too aware of the potential dangers. If that doesn't give them pause for thought, then frankly I would give up and forget about them.

You can be sure that no-one on this forum (I hope) would ever take that attitude, we've all been there at some point or another!

Sadly it was this forum...I just think they were trying positive thinking which is fine but positivity only gets you so far. I know my experiences and didn't feel I needed to justify myself to them anyway

 

[icantdecide]

Gosh that's shocking! I am part of another website as well that has a miscarriage section and a girl posted because she was scared she was miscarrying (sadly she was) and she got absolutely abused by people in the miscarriage forum for talking about miscarriage. Apparently she was "flaunting" her pregnant state and being selfish for assuming she was misscaying. It was awful! Lots of people left. Myself included. Point is people say stupid stuff and things can be taken the wrong way without voice inflection and facial Expressions.

Hope you can still feel some positivity soon what is happening to us is wonderful we should try to remember that an enjoy it however fleeting.

xx

 

[CastawayBride]

Gosh that's shocking! I am part of another website as well that has a miscarriage section and a girl posted because she was scared she was miscarrying (sadly she was) and she got absolutely abused by people in the miscarriage forum for talking about miscarriage. Apparently she was "flaunting" her pregnant state and being selfish for assuming she was misscaying. It was awful! Lots of people left. Myself included. Point is people say stupid stuff and things can be taken the wrong way without voice inflection and facial Expressions.

Hope you can still feel some positivity soon what is happening to us is wonderful we should try to remember that an enjoy it however fleeting.

xx

I agree I think people have to realize we have different experiences. Just b/c I am being a realist does not mean I love this baby any less!!

I had a total melt down today, I have to go into my maternity jeans and I was like I am only 6 weeks, tomorrow! If I knew my little bean was OK I would be like eh. BUT the not knowing...and the thought of going through it all again had me on melt down mode sadly.

 

[dairymomma]

Hi ladies. Just wanted to pop in and hopefully give you some peace of mind.

I'm an almost 30 mom of two with one on the way. If you look at my sig, you'll see I've had 8 losses. 7 were between 7-9+4 and one was at 14+1. I'm mostly unexplained though we know I have hormone issues in the first tri and my thyroid *might* not be working quite right. (More investigation is needed on that end but has to wait til I'm not pg anymore.) I had my 2nd tri loss in July, got pg in Sept only to m/c a BO in early Oct and got my bfp with this baby just 5 weeks later. I had a dr tell me flat out I was going to miscarry even though I was only 4+3, had bleeding/spotting/clotting/cramping from 5 weeks til almost 11 weeks, and had such bad anxiety attacks I almost needed medication. Yet, here I am at 19 weeks (almost 20), feeling baby moving quite a bit, and all is well so far.

Also wanted to add early ultrasounds suck for measurements, esp if done with an older machine. I wouldn't worry if you are only measuring off a few days and at 5 weeks, you wouldn't see much other than the gestational sac anyway. The fetal pole isn't visible until at least 6 weeks and the hb doesn't start until then too. As for measuring spot on, I measured 5-7 days small with both DS and DD the entire pregnancy and they were born just fine. Cramping can also be a sign that baby is snuggling in for the long haul. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Anxiety and worry are normal but try to relax as much as you can as stress isn't good for you or baby. (Easier said than done, I know, but just do your best.)

 

[Sunnyleah]

I also wanted to pop in with some positive feedback . I had a mmc at 13 weeks and had no signs. Didn't even know that that existed. We found out hours after our scan (which the technician wouldn't say anything). It was horrifying. Had to go for a D&C as baby measured 9 weeks and my body still wasn't dealing with it. I then had a chemical (mc before 5 weeks) and thought all was over. We arranged to meet a specialist and ended up gp before that appointment. I then had spotting at 5 weeks and panicked! My amazing doctor sent me straight to a special clinic where I had scans at 6,8,10 & 12 weeks... And let me tell you, those early scans are so inaccurate! Lol. My due date changed at every scan! The technician (a true veteran with ton of experience) even told us that it is super difficult to accurately measure baby when it's still so tiny . My ob even said that we would go by the 12 week scan for due date as it's the biggest and easiest to measure.

I completely understand the worry, and not enjoying pregnancy. People often commented to me about being too worried, but unless you've had a loss I don't think you could really understand. Luckily I found bnb and I have a couple of women IRL who have experienced loss. Someone to talk to.

Things I found helpful in the beginning:

Joining the thread here for my due date, talking to women with previous loss, who are at the same stage of pregnancy as you

And focusing on milestones, even if it's just getting to the next week. I downloaded an app for my phone that tells me what's happening each week, so every Monday (my weekly progress day) I check to see how big is baby, what's new, etc. it's helped me to focus on the positive

You can never turn off the worry, but you can manage it. Good luck! I will be thinking of you and praying that this is your rainbow baby

Ps, I avoided maternity cloths until 14 weeks despite nothing fitting anymore, I complete get it!

 

[threebirds]

Hi girls, hows everyone doing? Just found this thread & can relate so much to what everyone is saying. I swing from being okay with things (& window shopping baby things online) to totally convinced its going to end. Its very tough. Ive had two early scans and heard hb and will have another early scan next wk at 10+2 but struggling at the moment as I dont know how we'd cope with another loss. Im 40, he is 44, we've been LTTTC, had 3 losses (including one at 12-13 wks after hearing hb) & failed ivf/icsi cycles. I just want this one to work. xxx