Hello Ladies, just a vent

[Wishfull]

Well i would have been nearly 21weeks. I would have already known if i was having a wee boy or wee girl. Instead im left feeling a little lost. For weeks i had been getting my self all worked up thinking about the 28th dec. Cause i would have been 20weeks and finding out what i was having. I sat through xmas not really feeling very much. It all went so fast the past week. I should have been sitting with a bump and stuffing my face cause i could have. I should have been surrounded by people wanting to see and touch my bump. I should have been turning away drinks saying "no i cant drink remember im pregnant" at Newyear. In stead no one said a word. No one cared or mentioned my baby. No one mentions my baby. Cause no one met my baby. Only me in my heart. I should have been planning so much for the Newyear. Planning for my baby to arrive. But now my "mile stone" 20 week mark has passed. I dont know what to do. Iv got this huge gap between now and May 17th my due date, or would have been due date. Im getting there its been 10 weeks since the m/c. And it is alot easyier. Still very raw when i hear some songs. Or see new born babys. Or when i see other women glowing and with thier bumps. I hear people moaning about there kids. How they cant sleep. How there little one is wild running around up to no good. I look at them and smile as they say all sorts. But inside im thinking bitterly at least you have your child. I know that is bad of me but my heart is still raw. Id take it all stretch marks, labour, sleepless nights. And much much more. Me and my partner are not going to try for another baby. My hearts not in it. Im too scared to fall in love with another baby for it to be taken away again. And i know that there are some of you brave brave ladies who have had to go through more than one m/c. And its just not fair on anyone. You are all so wonderfull. And i can honestly say if i had not come across this site im not so sure i would have made it through this terrible time. My heart still aches for my wee angel. And if it were not for coming on here to let it all out, i really dont think i would be, dare i say it "coping so wel". No one in my life talks or understands how im feeling. So thanks ladies just for reading and for being there.
Your all so wonderfull.
Nina.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[moomoo]

im so so sorry hun, your piece of writing pretty much sums up my life exactly at the moment, i would have been 23 weeks now... i wouldnt wish feeling like this on my worst enemy xx

 

[haaza123]

Hey i really know how it feels, i always long to hold my four angels in my arms. It wasnt long ago that i was asking all you lovely ladies how to cope.
Each milestone is really difficult. Be STRONG!! It does sound impossible, but it does get abit easier. Just abit.

to you

 

[Omi]

Aw, Nina

im am so sorry for your loss. I guess i am one of those ladies who keeps at it despite more tha one loss. All i can say is, you will get through it. Xmas and New Year is a particularly raw time for anything family related and you also had your milestone.

Mine was to announce on xmas day that we where expecting.( as it was i had a ercp/d&c dec 16th instead). But you know...you can and you will get through this. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself and eachother..with time you will look at things differently im sure. The feeling of grief and bereavement that you are feeling is natural and profound at its worst- and i know very well what you mean when you say no one is talking about it. Its like the big elephant in the room...they all know but avoid it like the plague..i guess any kind of death makes people uneasy and mc particularly so (either its a bit uncomfortable or just plain 'it happens, get over it' ...not helpful is it?)

You will get back to normal, hun, albeit with some more history, insight and experiences. Yes, you feel raw and a bit like a wounded animal right now..and really, you are. There is no right or wrong just take all the time you need. If you dont think its getting better maybe talking to someone at the mc/ loss assocation or similar will help, too?

Please, whatever you do, take your time, lots of tlc and remember the love between you that first created this life. Love eachother and take care of eachother and you will slowly but surely get the old spark back. You will never forget but you can live with it, i promise you!!!

In the meantime use this place for all its worth, hun, as we're here for you in every possible way!!

Lots of , Omi xxx

 

[susan_1981]

I know exactly how you feel. I would have been 14 weeks pregnant tomorrow and the thought of trying to get pregnant again and going through this all again, the waiting and not knowing, is going to be hard which is why I'm trying to stay away from pregnancy tests this time. I don't like going out because I'll know I'll see a pregnant woman which just fills me with envy at the moment. I hope my turn comes again soon and that this time, everything will be ok.

Like you, I want the sleepless nights. I also want to have a baby bump and complain about not being able to eat certain foods or drink alcohol, feeling sick and tired all the time. I want everything that comes with a healthy pregnancy.

Maybe in time, you will want to try again once you feel a little stronger. Everyone is different but I know that we need to try again straight away to focus my mind and to try and move on from this, and above all, because I so desperately want a child xxx

 

[Rumpskin]

Hi Nina

Sorry you are feeling so crappy at the mo. You know you and I roughly would be at the same stage if things had gone our way. Christmas Day for me was surreal thinking I should have had a 20 week bump and I too should have known if I was going to have a little boy or girl.

To be honest, I was totally relieved come New Years Eve to see the back end of last year.

I am feeling a little more positive and thinking about trying again very soon.

I will never ever forget my LOs. They are a part of me and always will be.

I still have blips when I am totally miserable and upset but I know that it is never going to bring back my babies. I try and think that they are happy together and having the best time.

Try and be strong Nina and be determined that this year will be a very special and happier year.

Lots of cuddles for you.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

i no how you feel i should have been giving birth in 2 weeks...
i was so glad 2 see 2008 go.. was the worst year ever. but i have jan 18th to battle with yet.
i get down i get hurt. but now iv come 2 realise after 4 m/cs and prob plenty more to come that no tears can ever bring my babies back. i cryed rivers for them.
i wont say it gets better but the pain ease's.
just stay strong hunni
xxx

 

[becky77]

hi nina i know how you feel i would have been, 20 weeks on the 29 th dec and was excited to find out if it was a boy or girl ,in my heart i felt all along it was girl. all over christmas every drink i had was tinged with sadness and at times i almost sat there rubbing my imaginary bump.all i can say is i am here for you any time you need me.
but if it has taught me any thing its to not take my precious boys for granted and i now thank god fo the privilage of being there mum every day.

pm me any time as i know we are sharing the same milestone pain.

x