Help get him out our bed please

[blessfull]

We have been co sleeping since 5 months I think we were crazy lol but now he is just too big for our bed

Me and hubby are waking up with feet in our eyes, arms, and bodies everywhere, most nights it feels like he has 8 arms and legs


!! Sex !! what's that????

Please help,

He has a £300 cot bed right next to our bed which he will sleep in for about 3/4 hours then he screams bloody hairy Mary till he gets in our bed and some nights he won't sleep unless he is in with us!!

Please help me

 

[Dani_Ldn]

It is horrible to do, but maybe try 'tough love'. The first week will be difficult, but try not to give in to the cries. Put him to bed before you go & try to let him fall asleep naturally, even if he cries for 4 hours the first night, hopefully it will be less the next.

Do you have a room for him that you can eventually move him to? Maybe try moving the cot a little further away from your bed each night too?

 

[special_kala]

I dont agree with just leavig him to cry. Its not fair n him at all.

Have you tried laying next to his cot and shhing and patting?

 

[blessfull]

I would like to try tough love, but I live in a flat and have 2 neighbours attached each side, they are both elderly woman who knock on my door if I make noise after 8:30 , I was hoovering once at 7:30 they phoned the police on me and reported me or noise, so don't think they wold cope my lo screaming, they would probs call social services lol

 

[blessfull]

I dont agree with just leavig him to cry. Its not fair n him at all.

Have you tried laying next to his cot and shhing and patting?

Have tried this, sitting/laying next to him he dozes of but wakes soon after and screams till he gets picked up, I try just putting in back in after a cuddle but he just stands up and screams it's always a long night

 

[Pink Flowers]

I wouldn't care what your neighbours think, tbh they will have to expect noise when you have another one the way.

Sorry its not helpful but at the end of the day his your child and you do what suits YOU and if that means a week or so of your neighbours having to put up with some noise then so be it.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Does he nap during the day with the same issues, or is it just at night when you & your oh are there?

I think that letting baby cry could be effective, the only person it is going to be tough on is the parents, he won't remember it when he is older... maybe try leaving him at intervals & make the intervals longer & when you go in to check on him you can pat him or a gentle shhh, but maybe not pick him up? Do you have a night light or mobile with music or even a radio that you can leave on so he doesn't feel alone (maybe playing something soothing like classical music?).

Stupid neighbours, let them be pissed off, they will soon realise if they are knocking on your door that it is going to set baby off crying & make more noise!

 

[Sass827]

He needs to cry it out. The younger you can get and keep him in his own bed the better. If you want to be in the room to comfort him, I would say don't touch him or make eye contact. Just sit quietly not doing anything til he cries it out. GL! It's not easy!

 

[Mrs-G]

Hi, move his cot into is own room and try the cry it out method. I did this with my dd at about 11 months and it worked within 2 nights.

Put him down and leave him for 10 mins, if he doesn't settle go back in, do not make eye contact, do not be angry, just talk calmly, tell him that mummy loves him very much but now it's time for him to be a big boy and go to sleep in his big bed. Lay him back down and leave him again, repeat until he sleeps. It probably took 3-4 attempts before my dd fell asleep, I repeated it each time she woke and after a couple of nights she cracked it.

I admit its tough and caused a few rows between me and oh, we both had to agree to do this and be strong for each other to make sure we didn't cave in. She is still not a great sleeper and often wakes a night but she is so much better which I needed before I returned to work full time.

Good luck a make sure you do it before new baby comes otherwise he'll associate it with te baby.

 

[cantwaitforu]

The sooner you do it the better. We sleep trained our son at 8 months and now he is confused if we bring him into our bed (on a Saturday morning to hang out with us while we wake up). It was really hard at that age and will most certainly be not letting DS2 in our bed - he's going straight to his crib! I also really missed him when he left as I loved co-sleeping, but it just didn't work for our lifestyle.

He will have to cry it out, but you will also need to start a new bed time routine that makes him feel safe every night.

I know bribery is not the best parenting choice, but sometimes you just have to. Maybe decorate his crib - put car decals on it, new sheets (with trains or planes on it and maybe even put a plush dinosaur in it) and show him it is a safe place.

Good luck!

 

[Mrs-G]

Oh, and make sure you explain to your neighbours what you are doing and get their buy in, explain that it should only take a couple of nights.

 

[kitchenware]

Hey - not had time to read all the responses, but if it offers any reassurance my daughter co -slept with us until she was 19 months. This was because like you we just couldn't get any sleep if we put her in her own bed as she was awake every half hour and I can't bring myself to let her cry out.

Just 3 weeks ago - she was driving me nuts as she was so tired in the afternoon and I put her down to sleep in her bed at 6.30. She slept through the night. She has been doing ever since. She takes ages to get to sleep - we have to sit with her, but she stays down all night - no tears.

I just think she wasn't ready before now and now she seems to be.

I know there is so much pressure to do various sleep training methods and letting them cry etc, but I get the impression (only based on one child) that they will do it when they are ready to and there's no much point pushing them before then (bit like potty training).

I know this doesn't solve your immediate issue but hopefully a light at the end of the tunnel... I actually find I miss my baby now she doesn't sleep with us anymore! It's such a short period of their lives, before I know it she'll be a grumpy teenager and my mere existence will embarrass her!

 

[Mum2BKW]

I agree with those saying tough love is the way to go.

So far, baby has learned that if he keep crying, eventually you will give in and bring him into your bed. This is a habit that will take a while to break (and a lot of tears) but you have to be firm and consistent to crack it.

Pop a note through your neighbours doors to apologies for any noise but hopefully it won't be for long.

Good luck and be strong!

 

[Annie77]

Decorate his room really nice, chat about his big bed in a positive way and then move him into his own room. I agree with crying it out although tbh I never had to do it with a child this age as my kids have never slept in my bed except from the rare occasions they are sick.

As for your neighbours, maybe send them a wee card or knock on their door and explain in advance that you are trying to establish his sleeping as to and him screaming out in the middle of the night and ask them politely to be as patient as they can over the next few nights. Forewarned in a polite way may make them slightly more understanding and, even if they are not, you can tell police or social exactly what you told your neighbours and I bet they are more reasonable!

Good luck

 

[Babyduo]

Unless you are planning on having two kids in your bed I would stay moving him to his own room soon as possible.i try very hard to not make major changes right after a baby is born. I have had no jealousy issue with my kids but I do make sure any new habits are well established before the new baby comes. There are a lot of things in life we don't like to do but have to anyway. This is the same for our children. I probably do spoil my little ones too much but bed time isn't one of the areas. We are all happier if we get enough sleep. It seems harsh sometimes to let them cry it out but a couple rough nights is worth a happier mom and baby. Bossy thong is if you decide to do it don't give in. It is the worst thing to do and will end up making it take much longer!

 

[rayne22]

Funny you posted this because up until a week ago, we were having the same exact problem.
We have a 22 month old girl and she sleeps in the same room as us because we only have one bedroom (we live with my in-laws), and well actually she has always slept in our bedroom, but anyhow, we had switched our daughter from her crib to a toddler bed which is the same size as a crib but without the rails. I'm not sure how big a cot bed is for your little one.
At first she slept in the toddler bed and slept one night all through the night (which has never happened before), and then the waking up started, and then it was to the point that if she fell asleep in our bed, and if i tried to move her to her bed, she would wake up as soon as she touched her mattress. lol. I got to the breaking point too, and we had a double bed in storage. So we set that up for her in our bedroom and she sleeps there now with no fuss.
Only sometimes at 5am she will wake up and try to wake me up so that i lay next to her, but other then that she won't come in our bed.
I know it may not be an option for you to have a bigger bed, but if you can-i would definately try it out. I will admit our bedroom looks like one big bed (we have a king and then a double), but i've been sleeping waaaaaaay better and thats more important to me then how our bedroom looks.
As for things i tried to get my daughter excited about sleeping in her bed--making a big deal about what a big girl she is in her own bed. Having people come over and letting her show them her bed and them making a big deal about it and how great it is. lol. Doing activities in her bed (reading, singing songs, watching a cartoon), i think helped her get used to being in the bed and realizing its not scary. And i also have one of those turtle star lights that make stars on the ceiling-she likes looking at that while going to sleep and i rub her belly.

I'm not a fan of crying it out-i can't do it. And if this double bed option hadn't worked, i would probably be crying right now from lack of sleep. lol.

I hope you find something that works for you.

 

[lmp1505768]

I think the best option is to let him cry it out. That doesn't mean you can't pop back in and try it over, but if you put him in his own bed, he should stay there for the night. Giving in eventually, only makes it harder in the long run.

With DD, I would let her cry for about 20 minutes(hardest 20 of my life) and then go in and sing a song or two. Make sure she didn't need a change or wasn't hungry. Then id give her this glowing seahorse she loved and leave again. The first night I think I spent about 4 hours doing this. The second night it only took 1.5 and I only went in every half hour. Third night, 30 minutes,went in one time. After that she slept almost perfectly.

He knows that when he cries, mom comes. So if you let it go on for a tiny bit longer each time( even like 22I minutes instead of 20) eventually he will realize you are coming in when you choose, not because he is crying. Besides, at some point, they just give in to being tired.

I promise its worth it. DD is nearly three now, been in a toddler bed since 11 months. We had her in our bed ONE NIGHT a few days ago and I got NO SLEEP.


Another thing. Try rocking him *almost* to sleep, and then laying him down before he actually nods off. I was told that when trying to transition, I should NEVER let her fall completely asleep while holding her, as she needed to learn to self soothe herself to sleep.

Good luck, I know its hard!

 

[rowleypolie]

Just posted this in another one about co sleeping.... I would knock on the neighbors door with some cookies and and an explanation that from 730-930 for the next couple days you willbe teach your LO to sleep on his own. And ask them to be patient with you and him...

I did the Ferber method with my daughter, put him in the cot when he is good and tired. Go in after 5 minutes to calm him down, show him you love him, lay him down again (leave lights off and try to keep in a sleeping atmosphere) I always said mommy loves you, it's time for bed sweetie. Then leave, even if he's still crying. I repeat it every 5 minutes for at least 30 minutes. Then I switch to every 10 minutes. The first couple nights it will take an hour or two.... Be patient. After about 4 days it should only take 45 minutes, then at a week it took us about 30 minutes... Going in every 5 minutes 3 times, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes if needed
After 2 weeks baby would fall to sleep on her own without needing to go in at all. (we started this around 15 months with DD)