Help - is anyone able to read over a cover letter and give feed back?

[KrisKitten]

could anyone read over this for my oh?
hes totally lost as to what to write for this so any feedback at all would be great...is it any good or totally off the mark on what he should be writing?
Any help at all, even spelling and grammar would be amazing...he really needs to find something!
Thanks in advance,


(its in the spoiler)

Spoiler

Dear xxxxxxx

RE: Government Funded Apprenticeship with the JTL Company

My name is xxxx xxxx, and I have recently turned 20. As you can see from my CV, since I have left school I have been following a career in catering, this has however proved to not make full use of my skill set and so I have decided to pursue a change in career.

After much research I came across the JTL Company (contact details included) who offer government funded advanced electrician apprenticeships – this is a career path that greatly interests me and I have been following their apprenticeship program now for the past 3 months. I have now completed my JTL Assessment, and passed, which means I am on their list of Approved Candidates.

So I am writing to ask you if you feel your company would benefit from an eager and hardworking apprentice. The next step on my training scheme is to simply start work and start learning and I am very keen to do so! While I have had no prior experience in electrical engineering services, I am certain that my enthusiasm and passion to learn will make up for that.

I feel that I could come to be an asset to your company if given the opportunity, and so would greatly appreciate it if you could look over my Curriculum Vitae attached. Please feel free to contact my references who can confirm I am a hard working and conscientious person and employee.

I have also attached the contact details of the JTL Company, as well as a brief summary of their company from their website.

If you have any questions or are interested in employing me so I can continue with my Advanced Apprenticeship Training Scheme please do not hesitate to contact me or the JTL Company.

Yours Sincerely,

xxxx xxxx

 

[hopeandpray]

just wanted to say that maybe the numbers should be written out as words instead of just figures and that when i was reading it first i sounded like he was saying that he wasnt making use of all his catering skills? maybe that's just the way i read it though. perhaps it could be made more clear why he's interested in this kind of job?

 

[KrisKitten]

Thanks
xxx

 

[KrisKitten]

"My name is xxxx xxxx, and I have recently turned twenty. As you can see from my CV, since I have left school I have been following a career in catering, while i did enjoy my work i have since started a family and have decided to pursue a career which offers greater stability."

How about that? xxx

 

[aly888]

Dear xxxxxxx

RE: Government Funded Apprenticeship with the JTL Company

My name is xxxx xxxx, and I have recently turned twenty. As you can see from my CV, when I left school I began a career in catering. Whilst I did enjoy this work and appreciate the skills I had gained, I have instead decided to pursue a career which offers greater stability since starting a family.

After much research I came across the JTL Company (contact details included) who offer government funded advanced electrician apprenticeships – this is a career path that greatly interests me and I have been following their apprenticeship program now for the past 3 months. I have recently completed and passed my JTL Assessment, which means I am now on their list of approved candidates.

I am writing this letter today to ask you if you feel your company would benefit from employing an eager and hardworking apprentice. The next step on my training scheme is to start work and start learning whilst 'on the job' and I am very keen to do so! Although I have had no prior experience in electrical engineering, I am certain that my enthusiasm and passion to learn will more than make up for that.

I feel that I would become a great asset to your company once given the opportunity, and would greatly appreciate if you could look over my Curriculum Vitae (attached). Please feel free to contact my references who can confirm I am a hard working and conscientious person and employee.

I have also attached the contact details of the JTL Company, as well as a brief summary of their company from their website.

If you have any questions or are interested in employing me, and therefore allowing me to complete my Advanced Apprenticeship Training Scheme, please do not hesitate to contact me directly, or the JTL Company.

Yours Sincerely,

xxxx xxxx


I've made some minor changes (but totally up to you in the end) and changed little things like double spacing after full-stops. It's a pretty darn good letter though so he should be fine even sending the original draft!!

Good luck hun. I really hope he gets given a position

 

[KrisKitten]

Thank you
We both really appreciate it xxx

 

[24/7]

I think it sounds great, good luck to OH. xx

 

[bjl1981]

I agree, it sounds really good, I'd give him a chance!!