K
kimbobaloo
Guest
im sorry to kinda just jump in here im not a single parent as such but i am as such :S
i have a feeling this will be long
i had LO when i was 19 with FOB we stayed together until july 2011 when i left him as i had enough of his ways. His ways being drinking and not being able to keep a job so i was supporting us doing night shifts coming home seiing to LO till 12ish as he wouldnt get out of bed ect ect ect but thats not the issue.
when we split up i felt awful and a really bad person as i broke his heart took his son away from him (moved back to my mums 14 miles away)ectectect. He brought up access and as i felt so bad i said he could have him half the week, he chose to have him tue wed thur and i picked him up friday morning. i used to drive him down there drop him of and then pick him back up. After 3 months i put my foot down on this as they wernt helping with petrol costs ect i was working and having to fit it in around work which was hard so i said if you want him you come and pick him up and its pretty much stuck at that.
OH met a new GF (lydia) in jan 2012, i wasnt impressed as LO met her in the feb and by the march had piccys of him over her Facebook i rang him up and made my point and said i want them of her fb but basicly got told if i dont like it dont look, she never did take them down :/
around this time i noticed a big change in rustys behaviour. He was a very content boy happy polite no paddys good routine good at meal times would play by himself while i did house work ect. he was coming back from his dads a MONSTER putting it nicely swearing, out of routine, playing up at meal times wont play by himself clingy throwing paddys if he didnt get what he wanted. So i rang his dad explained and took a day of him so he saw him 1 day less a week. This did improve his behaviour slightly. i have now put this down to his GF now living with him and her 2 children and him constantly having a playmate there, i found out he was sleeping round GF's house with LO before she moved in with him and she was living in a teraced (assuming 2/3 bed) with her mum dad sister and 2 kids. Obv i had a big kick of over this as 1 i dont want him there and 2 there is nowhere for him to sleep so no wonder he was coming back out of routine and 3 he wasnt where i thought he was and it killed me to thinking had no idea where my son was. fast forward a few months and she is now living with FOB, i dont have a problem with this my problem is FOB lived i a 2 bed semi with his mum dad, brother, brothers GF and now his GF and 2 kids have moved in. His mum and dad sleep in a room, brother and brothers GF share a room FOB GF and 2 kids have converted the dining room (big enough for a double bed and not much else maybe a chest of draws) and they are sharing a room and LO has a single bed in the grandparents room. Is it me or is this Not suitable? not just for my son but her 2 kids??
Recently FOB'S mum had been wheelchair bound (so she claims) now as far as i was concerned she looked after rusty 60% of the time while FOBs at work (hes currently manageing to hold a job down) FOB rang me the other day wanting LO on a sat as it was his GFs bday but then while on the phone changed his mind as they were all going out drinking that night and his dad was on a night shift and his mum wasnt able to look after rusty... so who is looking after my son while hes at work?? im not impressed with the answer im left with i dont want another woman looking after my son!
they have recently managed to work me round to get a extra day with him too. I told his mum i was expecting and struggling to pick him up at a certain time due to work so would be erratic times i pick him up due to working on a 2 week rota so she said they would have him a extra day ones every other week to help, for some reason i agreed but now im not working so i dont need them to have him a extra day so do i take it back of them?
When we split up i also said i wanted no Child maintenance of him but if i needed anything of him i would expect him to pay. In that time i have asjed for £22 for a pair of shoes as i had just brought him a pair i sent him down in them and they came back wrecked (LO needs clarkes as he has fat feet and norman shoes dont fit him well) Now i am living with my new partner and on sick leave and not able to contribute to house hold bills ect. So basicly my oh is paying to keep my son. My oh has never mentioned it nor inclined anything about it. But i dont see why his dad should not pay anything anymore as i am not fully able to provide iykwim. Should i ask that he starts paying for his son to contribute towards his keep with in the house? do i just ask him or go through the system??? what if he refuses. Also LO is starting school next year and i want him to pay towards this. i just dont know how to bring it up with him???
i could either give him a recipt for everything and ask for half or a % which i think would get silly with a few quid here and there ect
or i could say he pays me a set amount each week??
which would work out better i prefer the second idea??
this money would go towards school uniform, school dinners school trips after school acivitys ect
So basicly im at a loose end im not happy with how things are atm the things i think i need to address are
-sleeping in a over crowded house... i expect my son to have his own room not sleep with grandparents in their room
-Lydia looking after him... shes not his mum if they split tomorow she wouldnt bother with him so why should she look after him
-child maintenance- he needs to start paying for his son
-amount he has him- again fitting in with the over crowded issue he has his own room here... why sould he settle for less somewhere else?
-school maintenance (obv this will depend on how the child maintenance goes i wont take both)- he needs to start paying for his son!
i have also brought up how things will work once he starts school i have said that we would do alternate weekends (in a way)
week one - he has him fri sat sun
week two - he has him fri sat
he said hes not happy with his as i have him mon-fri i then made the point of when do we get to have a family day and when does he spend the day with his brother i didnt give birth just to do the school run and he said its still not fair??
where do i start ?
am i being unfair?
am i asking too much?
should i speak to a soliciter?
should this go through court?
im sorry its a long post and im asking so much i just dont know what to do any more
i have a feeling this will be long
i had LO when i was 19 with FOB we stayed together until july 2011 when i left him as i had enough of his ways. His ways being drinking and not being able to keep a job so i was supporting us doing night shifts coming home seiing to LO till 12ish as he wouldnt get out of bed ect ect ect but thats not the issue.
when we split up i felt awful and a really bad person as i broke his heart took his son away from him (moved back to my mums 14 miles away)ectectect. He brought up access and as i felt so bad i said he could have him half the week, he chose to have him tue wed thur and i picked him up friday morning. i used to drive him down there drop him of and then pick him back up. After 3 months i put my foot down on this as they wernt helping with petrol costs ect i was working and having to fit it in around work which was hard so i said if you want him you come and pick him up and its pretty much stuck at that.
OH met a new GF (lydia) in jan 2012, i wasnt impressed as LO met her in the feb and by the march had piccys of him over her Facebook i rang him up and made my point and said i want them of her fb but basicly got told if i dont like it dont look, she never did take them down :/
around this time i noticed a big change in rustys behaviour. He was a very content boy happy polite no paddys good routine good at meal times would play by himself while i did house work ect. he was coming back from his dads a MONSTER putting it nicely swearing, out of routine, playing up at meal times wont play by himself clingy throwing paddys if he didnt get what he wanted. So i rang his dad explained and took a day of him so he saw him 1 day less a week. This did improve his behaviour slightly. i have now put this down to his GF now living with him and her 2 children and him constantly having a playmate there, i found out he was sleeping round GF's house with LO before she moved in with him and she was living in a teraced (assuming 2/3 bed) with her mum dad sister and 2 kids. Obv i had a big kick of over this as 1 i dont want him there and 2 there is nowhere for him to sleep so no wonder he was coming back out of routine and 3 he wasnt where i thought he was and it killed me to thinking had no idea where my son was. fast forward a few months and she is now living with FOB, i dont have a problem with this my problem is FOB lived i a 2 bed semi with his mum dad, brother, brothers GF and now his GF and 2 kids have moved in. His mum and dad sleep in a room, brother and brothers GF share a room FOB GF and 2 kids have converted the dining room (big enough for a double bed and not much else maybe a chest of draws) and they are sharing a room and LO has a single bed in the grandparents room. Is it me or is this Not suitable? not just for my son but her 2 kids??
Recently FOB'S mum had been wheelchair bound (so she claims) now as far as i was concerned she looked after rusty 60% of the time while FOBs at work (hes currently manageing to hold a job down) FOB rang me the other day wanting LO on a sat as it was his GFs bday but then while on the phone changed his mind as they were all going out drinking that night and his dad was on a night shift and his mum wasnt able to look after rusty... so who is looking after my son while hes at work?? im not impressed with the answer im left with i dont want another woman looking after my son!
they have recently managed to work me round to get a extra day with him too. I told his mum i was expecting and struggling to pick him up at a certain time due to work so would be erratic times i pick him up due to working on a 2 week rota so she said they would have him a extra day ones every other week to help, for some reason i agreed but now im not working so i dont need them to have him a extra day so do i take it back of them?
When we split up i also said i wanted no Child maintenance of him but if i needed anything of him i would expect him to pay. In that time i have asjed for £22 for a pair of shoes as i had just brought him a pair i sent him down in them and they came back wrecked (LO needs clarkes as he has fat feet and norman shoes dont fit him well) Now i am living with my new partner and on sick leave and not able to contribute to house hold bills ect. So basicly my oh is paying to keep my son. My oh has never mentioned it nor inclined anything about it. But i dont see why his dad should not pay anything anymore as i am not fully able to provide iykwim. Should i ask that he starts paying for his son to contribute towards his keep with in the house? do i just ask him or go through the system??? what if he refuses. Also LO is starting school next year and i want him to pay towards this. i just dont know how to bring it up with him???
i could either give him a recipt for everything and ask for half or a % which i think would get silly with a few quid here and there ect
or i could say he pays me a set amount each week??
which would work out better i prefer the second idea??
this money would go towards school uniform, school dinners school trips after school acivitys ect
So basicly im at a loose end im not happy with how things are atm the things i think i need to address are
-sleeping in a over crowded house... i expect my son to have his own room not sleep with grandparents in their room
-Lydia looking after him... shes not his mum if they split tomorow she wouldnt bother with him so why should she look after him
-child maintenance- he needs to start paying for his son
-amount he has him- again fitting in with the over crowded issue he has his own room here... why sould he settle for less somewhere else?
-school maintenance (obv this will depend on how the child maintenance goes i wont take both)- he needs to start paying for his son!
i have also brought up how things will work once he starts school i have said that we would do alternate weekends (in a way)
week one - he has him fri sat sun
week two - he has him fri sat
he said hes not happy with his as i have him mon-fri i then made the point of when do we get to have a family day and when does he spend the day with his brother i didnt give birth just to do the school run and he said its still not fair??
where do i start ?
am i being unfair?
am i asking too much?
should i speak to a soliciter?
should this go through court?
im sorry its a long post and im asking so much i just dont know what to do any more
