Help moving to next stage of food (10m)

[DobbyForever]

Long story short, my son loves to eat. Starting to help me with his spoon, always has to know what people are eating, good at picking things up, knows to gum things, blah blah.

BUT he literally vomited EVERYWHERE when I feed him stage 3 purees or will refuse to eat until I get stage 2

He will only eat wheat toast. He’ll gum the puffs then spit them out.

But he refuses to eat anything I give him. I’ve tried all the fruits and veggies and proteins he loved in purée form. I’ve offered him scrambled eggs and table foods that seem ok. Nothing.

I’ve been driving myself crazy buying and tossing food or dying watching him puke all over himself to the point no bib helps and we just end up changing and bathing. I feel like he is not ready but i’m getting pressure all around that at his age he should be eating finger foods

Idk what to do =\

*He cannot have dairy (cuz he has mild reactions to it) or sugar (cuz i’m Mean)

 

[jessmke]

I would just persist with offering him finger foods and try not to worry if he actually consumes anything. It's more about developing the coordination for eating and tasting the different flavours and getting used to different textures and not so much about the consumption of the food. Breastmilk/formula should be his main source of nutrition for the first year with solid foods being secondary so I wouldn't worry too much about actual consumption of the foods. But I would definitely make sure you are offering finger foods at every meal (in combination with purees if you still want to offer those too but I would just ditch those altogether and offer him regular food especially if the purees are making him vomit). I don't know much about purees and the different stages, but I'm assuming the textures get lumpier or something as the stages go on? I would guess that he is just vomiting because his gag reflex is getting triggered because he is not really used to more textured food, and that probably won't improve unless he's given the opportunity to practice. In babies the gag reflex is initially triggered really far forward on the tongue as a way of protecting their airway, but as they get more used to having food in the mouth the trigger for gagging "moves" farther back on the tongue and the gagging reduces/stops. At the end of the day you are his mom so do what you feel comfortable with, but I would say that at over 10 months old he should definitely be getting used to finger foods. If I were in this situation my biggest concern would just be the possibility of him turning into a super picky toddler (as opposed to this being a nutrition concern) so would want him getting used to the different textures as early as possible.

P.S. It's not mean for him to not have sugar! My DS is 11 months old and has never had sugar, my 2.5 year old has only ever had it a handful of times at birthday parties! She sometimes asks for "happy birthday juice" because she knows it's just a special treat for when she's at a party.

 

[noon_child]

I agree with PP. Eat when he eats and eat the same foods you are offering him; that way he has someone to copy (chewing and swallowing etc) and know this stuff is food to be eaten, as up till now food has not had all these shapes and textures, food to him is something that looks mushy. Some smooth purees can almost be drunk rather than eaten so he may have attempted to "drink" a chunky puree and gagged on a lump which made him vomit. From what I recall the regular gagging lasts a few weeks but they learn quickly, so the more you offer the more quickly he'll learn. If you put it off till he's older the pressure will only be worse as he'll be needing the nutrition from food but puree wont be appropriate. Bite the bullet and offer family food/finger food with every meal while he's still at an age where you can be confident he's still getting nutrition from breastmilk/formula.

In addition, the more food he can touch with his hands before he puts it in his mouth the better. Children get information about the texture, shape, hardness of food from feeling it with their hand (if I squish this will it crumble or splat or be so hard it wont squish at all?) and this helps them know how to deal with it in their mouth. Again lumpy food on a spoon wont give him that info - has has literally no idea what he's getting.

 

[jessmke]

In addition, the more food he can touch with his hands before he puts it in his mouth the better. Children get information about the texture, shape, hardness of food from feeling it with their hand (if I squish this will it crumble or splat or be so hard it wont squish at all?) and this helps them know how to deal with it in their mouth. Again lumpy food on a spoon wont give him that info - has has literally no idea what he's getting.

It's interesting you pointed this out because my husband was just commenting on our 11 month old and the way he accepts food on a spoon. He mostly self feeds, but we very occasionally spoon feed if it's something like soup. Every time we put a spoon in front of him, DS will push it away so he can look at what's on the spoon, then grab it off the spoon with his hand and squish it around a bit, then lick it off his hand/fingers, then once he has finished his investigation he will just happily open his mouth and accept whatever it is that we are trying to feed him for the rest of the meal, although lately he just takes the spoon from us and puts it in his mouth himself.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks ladies!

My biggest concern is the picky eating. He is not shy about flavors. I worked really hard to expose him to a wide range of fruits, veggies, and proteins. But yeah the texture. Especially since when he goes back to daycare to the toddler room he will be expected to eat their school food.

The chunks never make it far back enough to gag him. He gums then on the side of his mouth then spits them out and refuses to keep eating. It’s these shredded weird things. It’s like having a hair caught on his tongue then he gags and before I can do anything vomit everywhere.

His pediatrician said her son was the same way until 13 months but ugh so hard not to stress. I have no idea what I am do. I try all the suggestions online and in books and it doesn’t work. I just feel like a failure

 

[Disneyfan88]

I kept offering my daughter Gerber puffs, and eventually she got the hang of it. From there we gradually started giving her more and more bits of food from the table. She still often holds some types of solids in her mouth without swallowing after chewing on it for a bit.

When we transitioned from purées only to more textures, we started offering her mushy rice that we cook with some meat and carrot (which we pull out after cooking and then mix back in finely chopped). We used extra water to make it more mushy in the beginning, or I thinned it out by mixing in puréed zucchini or cauliflower that we make at home. Overtime, I gradually made it a little more and more thicker.

 

[noon_child]

He gums then on the side of his mouth then spits them out and refuses to keep eating. It’s these shredded weird things. It’s like having a hair caught on his tongue then he gags and before I can do anything vomit everywhere.

That does sound pretty gross; I don't think I'd fancy eating food with stringy bits in. Maybe avoid chunky baby food and just offer family food that doesn't have this odd texture. Their gag reflex is really far forward at first so having a stringy thing that he can't properly chew or swallow stuck on his tongue could definitely make him gag (not choke - that's different) and then throw up. The thought of that being stuck on my tongue is making me feel a bit sick tbh!!

 

[jessmke]

You're not a failure! It sounds like you are just over thinking things. I would just keep it simple, offer him whatever food you are eating (other than obvious things like super hard foods that you need teeth to chew like almonds or other whole nuts). Let him play, taste, etc without worrying if he eats anything. At the end of the meal if you want to you can top him up with some puree, but I would personally just eliminate the puree altogether which will encourage him to eat the real foods. It might take a while for him to get it but view it as an experience for all his senses rather than him simply needing to consume food. The gagging stage is totally normal and with both my kids only lasted a week or two.

 

[loeylo]

Personally, I’d completely cut the purees. Weaning is about exploring flavours and textures, and it isn’t really possible when the food is textureless and the flavours are mixed together.

My daughter is a fantastic eater, mainly because we only ever fed her the same food as what we had. The only exception was if we were having dairy in our meal - then she got a purée.

She is 2.5 now and literally eats anything. I’m trying to think of a food that she dislikes and I literally can’t think of anything. It’s great that you have exposed him to a range of flavours from a young age!

I’m trying to remember what she ate at 10 months. We actually saw a dietician when she was that age, who explained that a) food is fun before 1, and b) young children regulate their appetite over a week, unlike adults who regulate their appetite each day. So most adults eat the same amount of food each day, whereas toddlers can go two days on basically nothing but over the course of a week they get the correct amount. It’s definitely true of our daughter - some days she only has breakfast and maybe a few tomatoes and some cold meat, other days she eats two (adult sized!) bowls of porridge, fruit, two boiled eggs and two slices of toast with asparagus and ham, then another snack, then eats the same as us at dinner and still wants a snack before bed!

Good ideas for finger foods at that age, which are fun for them to feel the texture of and maybe try and eat:
-Fruit, cut into thick chip shapes. Dd loved banana but it was so gross to see her eat it! You could give him a spoon and let him mash it?
-toast soldiers and an egg
-peas and sweetcorn
-asparagus
-yoghurt (there are lots of good dairy free yoghurts!)
-cold meat
Pitta bread pizza fingers(again, there are dairy free cheeses)
- pasta in a light sauce, dd loved tuna pasta with mayo, peas and sweetcorn at that age (she still does!)

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks. I’ll cut purees out. It’s just hard because i’m A single mom. So I do try to feed him table food when I am eating, but during the week I am on my own. I’m lucky if I eat dinner. Double lucky if that dinner isn’t something pre packaged. And there’s no chance of touching any food before he goes to sleep for the night. But on the weekends I visit my mom so we always make sure his high chair is at the table and he eats with us and he is great out so he’s there chilling and eating too.

Plus it’s hard because he goes to daycare while I work so I feel guilty sending food he won’t eat

And then I feel bad because if he doesn’t eat enough he doesn’t sleep plus he was SGA and is only 20th in weight

Just lots of Mom guilt in general because I had a baby with a psychopathic narcissist

BUT i only have 8 more work days this school year so we have all summer to work it out

And it just sucks we hit so many health obstacles and issues nobody in my family ever dealt with so they don’t know how to help or they don’t understand i am just spent

 

[Disneyfan88]

Hang in there, Dobby. My DD is only 13th percentile in weight, but her doctor isn’t concerned. She was born a few weeks early and started out small, but she’s been following the growth curve. It’ll get better with time. My older daughter wasn’t small for her age, but she was not a fan of textures for a long time.

Do you offer rice cereal? I haven’t given any to DD, but maybe you can gradually thicken that as he gets used to more textures.

 

[DobbyForever]

Just a couple times. I’ll add that in. I just talked to my friend and we’re going to get our babies together. They are month apart but she’s been a great eater. Hoping some good old grass is greener social peer pressure might help

 

[jessmke]

Could you and your mom do some meal prep on the weekend so your LO has some dinner's ready? Like a chili or curry in the slow cooker and a batch of rice or quinoa, a pasta dish, a big pan of roasted veggies, etc. Lentil curry with rice/quinoa and chili with rice/quinoa has been a favourite of both my kids since they started on solids at 6 months old. Rotini pasta noodles are easy for little hands to pick up, and the sauce can be loaded with chopped veggies (and meat if you'd like). We usually have several containers of leftovers in the freezer that we freeze in single meal sized containers so on a night when we are rushed for time we can at least warm something up for the kids and get them to bed and then worry about ourselves later. Other meals that we do when pressed for time is roasted yams, peas, and a meat of some sort thrown on the bbq. It takes literally 20 min to make it all and the kids love it. Pretty basic but it's healthy and easy for the kids to eat.

We keep a towel and cloth in the kitchen so if we don't have time for a bath we can throw the baby in the kitchen sink and hose him off quickly after supper because when eating stuff like chili/curry/pasta they tend to get suuuuper messy!

 

[noon_child]

Sounds like you've been trying your hardest to do the best by him under tough circumstances. A lot of us UK mummies are still on maternity leave when our children our weaning, and we make assumptions about how easy and often a mum can cook for and offer varieties of food to their babies. We also have a lot of daycare providers who offer meals as part of the package so you don't have to prep or send anything in with the child (yes harder if there is an allergy but often some meals will be made dairy free etc. to accommodate) - so that sounds extra tough.

It might be a very good thing to offer him more family food as it will mean you will get fed properly too - you are worth looking after as well!! But don't feel guilty if there's the occasional need for a quick convenience meal - just be aware to older he gets the more he'll refuse pouches/jars of baby food and you'll be spending a fortune to buy enough for his appetite. I used to buy these microwavable toddler meals (they said from 1+ but my daughter was already eating family food, and I know these age recommendations are just a way of marketing stuff and making you buy more things you don't need) and these were quick to prepare but had no added salt and were balanced meals like meatballs in chickpea and tomato stew. These were a lifesaver but of course probably contained dairy - so I was lazy (i.e busy and needing help) sometimes and was lucky I could use these.

If he's hungry because he didn't have much food he should be offered milk (formula or breast) to meat his nutritional needs.

Please don't beat yourself up over your past relationship and/or blame your baby's very normal behaviour on anything you think you did wrong in the past. It sounds like the holiday period will be a great time to get to grips with solid food and before you know it you'll hardly remember this time as food will be so normal to him.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thank you all for taking the time to share your experiences and strategies. I really appreciate it and I wish I had s good update

Just to update taking out puréed food did not help. He still refuses solids/even just soft mashed food. The only food he did not refuse caused a, thankfully mild, allergic reaction. And by mild I mean his whole face turned into a red, swollen, itchy balloon but he didn’t stop breathing so that’s a huge plus. He, as I figured, without that extra 250-400 calories a day (because no he did not just drink more formula despite being offered) does not sleep through the night, cannot nap well anymore, throws full on tantrums, has headaches, and is overall not a happy camper with a stomach that gurgles and churns frequently.

So i’ll Keep offering him soft Mashes and table food he won’t end up eating but I really feel I need to give him purées because at this point it just feels like child abuse. I am glad that strategy worked for so many others, but it is not working for my son even if I sit there and also eat it and act like it’s the best thing ever.

I’m also now so exhausted I’m forgetting diaper changes and have left my dogs outside several nights and just overall becoming a poopy human being because i’m not getting sleep either

I’m just frustrated. I feel like all his peers are walking and talking and eating and my son is 11 months and not walking, not talking, and not eating. And this whole court abusive a*hole dad stress is not helping

 

[Disneyfan88]

Dobby - If I were in your shoes I’d keep offering bottles as well as whatever foods he will eat. DD is often picky with finger foods (and sometimes just chews it up and then stores it in her cheeks until she gets annoyed by it and sometimes starts crying until we scoop it out). You can either offer mushy / super soft finger foods and then switch to what he will really eat after a certain amount of time, or feed him his normal food and then put the soft foods on his tray to explore while you eat your normal food next to him. DD likes to watch us while we eat and generally shows the most interest in eating when we are eating.

I think I mentioned this before, but the thing that really helped her figure out the whole chewing and swallowing thing was gerber puffs and then eventually Cheerios. Is he able to tolerate eggs, mashed banana, or avocado?

How much is he getting by bottle eat day? At this point, that’s still his primary source of nutrition.

Hang in there - you’re doing great.

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks. I offer him a 6oz bottle every 3-4 hours about 5-6 times a day. If I offer him more, he never drinks more than 6 but typically stays in the 4-5 range. And he will not eat bottles offered more frequently. Which is exactly what he was drinking before while also getting 20 oz of purée a day.

The plan was to keep offering the mash or solids and then give him purée after he’s clearly given up on whatever i’ve given him. What little food ends up in his mouth he typically spits out. The only things he hasn’t spit out are tofu (yesterday) and eggs (allergy). But I have tried slices or mashes or literally every fruit and veggie and protein you can buy at Whole Foods and if we eat out I try to order something I canshare with him and/or bring his puffs/wafers. He’ll get a banana if I hold it but won’t pick it up and eat it himself. I give him puffs at every feeding. I just worry he’ll see it as a pre food ritual not food he should’ve eating.

Doesn’t help he just got over a viral infection that caused sores in his throat for a little beyond a week so solids were off the table anyway.

 

[noon_child]

The plan was to keep offering the mash or solids and then give him purée after he’s clearly given up on whatever i’ve given him. What little food ends up in his mouth he typically spits out..........

Doesn’t help he just got over a viral infection that caused sores in his throat for a little beyond a week so solids were off the table anyway.

Viral infections, sickness and colds often, well pretty much always, make all children really fussy and picky round food - they almost revert to all milk diets and can take between 2-3 weeks to get back to normal and will lose weight during this time. They do get over it and gain the weight back

Your plan to offer him food to play with and explore first and then a little puree afterwards sounds perfect. Don't worry that he spits things out - this isn't him saying he doesn't like it, it's part of him learning how to move things round his mouth and chew and swallow.

I have heard lots of stories of children who have allergies being very reluctant to eat solids (or even touch food) almost like they know they have allergies. Having a swollen face is quite a serious allergy so it might be worth seeing if you can get him tested for any other allergies. The churning stomach could be related too.

Regarding his development, it is VERY normal for a child to be not walking or talking at 11 months. My daughters first word was at 13months and she didn't walk till nearly 15months. Your son sounds completely fine. It is also normal for them not to be sleeping through and as exhausting as that is it feels much more manageable knowing you aren't alone and you are not doing anything to cause it. Sounds very much like the stress you are under is causing you to be very hard on yourself and assume you are doing something wrong. From what you have said, you are working soo hard to do the right thing for him, you care about him and are sad to think he might be suffering. This shows you are a great mum, just give yourself a break and some time.

If you are worried he is genuinely hungry but can't for whatever reason take more formula or eat food, then please take him to a doctor.

P.S there is only 12 days between your original post and update. It may take him a bit longer than that to learn to what food is, how to pick it up, to learn about texture through squashing and pushing it around, to bite it rather than suck, to chew and move it round his mouth, swallow etc.

 

[DobbyForever]

Ty. Now that I put purée back in his day instead of forcing finger foods all day, the churning and headaches and restless nights are behind us. He’s getting 4-5 bottles a day of 4-6oz, 2 snacks of finger foods I know he tries to eat (toast, puffs, mum mums), and 3 stage 3 pouches. That’s an improvement because he wouldn’t eat stage 3.

It’s definitely not a taste issue. I got one of those mesh things to just see, and he loves it. He has trouble getting food into his mouth and his tongue thrust is still pretty bad, but his desire to try and interest is there. From what I read it’s just a matter of practice and potentially a speech therapy issue. He is not tongue tied because we had that clipped when he was a day old since it interferes with his ability to latch.

But I do offer him soft mashes and table food multiple times a day if only to explore and practice.

Just frustrating because i’m Not sure how serious his daycare is about only allowing toddlers to eat school food. So it’s a ticking time bomb. I did message my friend who moved about potentially hiring her person since she’s now down 3 kids/she has worked with many of the teachers at my school. Also because I don’t like their schedule and again that’s something they are very non negotiable about.

I really appreciate all the supportive advice and kind words.

 

[noon_child]

Found this thread about older babies who still have tongue thrust. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41350063/my_lo_still_has_tongue_thrust_help