Help needed please

[kirsty2376]

Hi, my nearly 8 year old step son has expressed wishes on numerous occasion to say he wants to live with me and his dad permanently and visit his mum. he currently lives with her and stays at ours on tuesdays and every other weekend. his mum drinks constantly and does not keep house and clothes clean. she doesnt help him with homework and doesnt make sure he has correct uniform and pe kit for school. as his dad is on the birth certificate, we have been told that he has 50percent rights unless it has gone to court before, which it hasn't. Has anyone else been in this situation before and what was the outcome. I know the advice i will probably get would be to get a lawyer but we cant afford one, we can only just manage to get by on our wages and there is no way we would eb able to afford a lawyer and we dont wualify for legal aid. please help...thanks

 

[Kate83]

difficult one, it depends why he wants to live with you i guess.
Maybe try an alternate week thing to begin with, you may find that if his mum isnt an
'active' mother she wont mind so much and will enjoy the lack of resposibility.
After 6 months a year whatever maybe suggest that you have him full time and she has him tuesdays every other weekend.
Bloody difficult though, I know I would be heart broken if my son asked to live with his biological dad full time.

 

[kirsty2376]

He just has had enough of being let down, he tells us that he likes the fact we make him hang clothes away and put toys away as at mums house they do not know where anything is. When they have money for birthdays or whatever, she 'borrows' it and they never get it back. She has just let him down too many times. He has friends near our house and has things to play with, we help with school work and he is just generally happier with us. She has many boyfriends and he doesn't like it. School wise, we live the same distance to school, so that would not be an issue.

 

[writemeadream]

Hi
I agree with Kate maybe try having him for more time and not go in with solicitors just yet, which will involve CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) and can get quite messy.
Hopefully the transition from living with his Mum to yours will happen like Kate says because she's happy without the responsibility and maybe in her eyes the burden.

It will look less threatening to the Mum, who obviously has issues and great problems to overcome.

My ex was/is an alcoholic and despite this my older children chose to live with him. The NSPCC described the situation they were going through as willful neglect and that it would only get worse....they were right. (he told them he had no money, gave them no food or mouldy food etc etc the list could go on and on but had plenty to buy his beer and take his girlfriend away and buy new cars etc)

Involving solicitors takes time and money and will definitely make the ex more hostile.
The Mum might well welcome the break only you will know how she might react.

Also make out you and his Dad want to spend more time with him rather than it being about taking him away from his Mum and all the the bad things she does. ( I have two step children who just like to off load on all the bad stuff they think their Mum does but dont appear to want to live with us to change it !)
I hope I have made some sense here as mother of kids to an alcoholic parent and of step children too.
Good luck to all of you x

 

[iBabyGirli]

yeah i suggest you give it more time.