Help! Trying to conceive at 40......

[RachelleB]

I'm looking for advice, stories and ideas..... I am 40 years old. I have two children, 18 & 15. I got pregnant on my first attempt with both at age 21 and 25...no past miscarriages. I got divorced in my mid 30's after a long and unhappy marriage. I found the love of my life a couple of years ago. He is 33 and has no children. We want to have a child. I have been off the pill for 6 months and trying for 3. Nothing yet. I am having a hard time finding my ovulation day. Some months I have a 24 day cycle, others 25 and others 27. I have used ovulation sticks twice a day during days 8-13 of each cycle and have yet to get a positive ovulation test. Yet, I have a period every month in the 24-28 days range. I feel helpless.. how can I give myself a chance to get pregnant if I can't pin point my ovulation window? And with every passing cycle my window closes a little bit more. Everyone tells me to stop thinking about it or worrying... someone tell me how? When you want something and you need to plan to figure out time frames, how do you 'just let it happen'? Anything anyone can tell me in terms of advice, stories, thoughts, support, ideas.... would be very appreciated.

 

[Hula1]

Hi,

Sorry for your frustration and feeling the age pressure but don t despair as lots of people still have babies well into their forties so it s definetly possible but just may take a bit longer (i hope so anyway as i m also 40 and been ttc no 2 for 2yrs!).

You could try tracking your basal body temp to check if you are getting a temp rise which confirms ovulation (no use for timing sex as happens after ovulation but good for reassurance that you are ovulating and when).

Look out for fertile cervical mucus (looks like egg white, clear and stretchy).

Check which opks you are using. I never had any luck with the cheap opks but am fine with clear blue digis or the clear blue ovulation monitor. As we get older the surge can be shorter so testing twice daily is a good idea.

Consider some basic bloods, day 3 fsh/lh/oestradiol which will give you some idea of ovarian reserve and to confirm ovulation then a day 21 progesterone (this is assuming a 28 day cycle, go for day 18 if you more commonly have a 24/25 day cycle).

As we get older we often ovulate earlier so also make sure you start testing early enough and if your cycle fluctuates in length then test 7 through to 17 (or just dtd at least every other day in this time).

Consider seeing a specialist if you ve still no luck in a few more months as obviously you don t want to waste time if there s something that needs treating.

Anyway, hope that helps, good luck.

 

[5Miracles]

Sorry for your frustration and feeling the age pressure but don t despair as lots of people still have babies well into their forties so it s definetly possible but just may take a bit longer

Oh--I SOOOOOOO agree with this because it's TRUE!

When we were TTC'ing our kids, honestly--I was massively ignorant about my CD day, DPO, temp etc etc etc--and trust me, I am in awe of the women who do that because whenever I try and educate myself further on this, my eyes cross and I get so frustrated!

Here was my 'formula' (for lack of a better term): after AF arrived, I'd wait about a week (5 days) and then DH and I would BD every other day like clockwork. Each of my kids were then conceived within 3 months---I was very fortunate and I do NOT take that for granted, trust me.

Now that I am 41 and DH has been diagnosed with issues in the dept, we're adding natural supplements to the mix--but still try the every other day approach, provided he's in town because he works out of town 1/2 the month.

I wish for you and yours ALL the very best and here's hope for your healthy BFP very soon!

 

[Vonn]

I agree with what the other ladies have said, and will second how vital bbt can be to really understanding what is going on with your cycle. There is lots of information out there, just google it. Fertility Friend is a great, free resource for cycle tracking.

The other thing I will say about opks is that you may need to experiment a little more with your range and time of day. Some drs say to check in the afternoon, others with fmu. I had much better luck with fmu, personally. I had a 30 cycle, consistent cycle, but realized that I didn't ov on exactly the same day each cycle AND I oved very late, like around day 20. This meant my luteal phase was very short, ranging from 8-11 days, usually not long enough for a fertilized egg to even implant. And my sister has a short cycle, btwn 21-24 days long. Her dr thought that meant she oved early and only had her trying opks around day 7-11. She finally kept testing and realized she was oving normal time, around cd 14/15. Again, really short luteal phase.

As we get older our progesterone decreases, and this often causes luteal phase defect. It's important to make sure both halves (follicular and luteal) of your cycle are within the appropriate range.

Good luck!

 

[RachelleB]

Thank you for the message. I have been checking my CM, problem is sometimes it is hard to tell because of having sex and semen also being in the area! I have yet to do my BBT as from what I understand the body temp increases after you've ovulated which would be too late. However, I am now realizing I need to start tracking it to help predict when I will ovulate. Also, I read a lot that you shouldn't use fmu for opk's (I have been doing twice a day 10am-noonish and 6pm-8pm somewhere in those ranges.... I will try first morning urine and maybe dinner time). I also will start doing opk's from first non period day all the way through the cycle. I have been doing it only during what I believed to be my "fertile window'' days 7-14, now I realize I could be ovulating before day 7 and after day 14. It is tricky because some months I have a 23 or 24 day cycle, other I have a 27 or 28. Need to test everyday to try to pin point. Thanks for all the suggestions.

 

[Katt36]

Best of luck! Try to relax! I know it's easier said then done! I will be 40 in October and I just got a surprising BFP which I wasn't expecting! This will be my fourth! With my third we had to try for 6 months. I can say the night I know the oops happened this month I had been very relaxed and a bit tipsy haha. Anyway, try to relax as it helps with conceiving. Keep us posted!!

 

[MsRipple]

Maybe also switch to a digital test like clearblue/clearblue advanced test as it measures your relative hormone levels and may be better able to pick up a surge.

Also, since your cycles are fairly regular, if you have sex at least every other day from your period through CD 18 or so, you should get the timing down. I get that may be easier said than done all of the time ! Good luck!

 

[Eleonora]

Hi Rachelle! If the "just relax" message doesn't help, then do the opposite: Seize on every piece of information you can, take an active role in getting your body in the best place in terms of diet, exercise, supplements, etc, and pursue enough medical testing to rule out actual biological problems with you or your partner. For some people 40 is already too late and even fertility docs will just try to get rid of you. For others it is hardly a factor at all. In part because the people who have a hard time getting pregnant need more support and spend more time on forums like these, we tend to hear the easy conception stories much less frequently so I just wanted to mention that I got pregnant 1st cycle TTC at age 37 and age 41 (and my husband is ancient!) and my doc wasn't even impressed. I would recommend the app Fertility Friend for charting BB temps every morning. That should give you more info about your ovulation day and the length of your typical luteal phase and it is free unlike the OPKs. By the way, it can take ages for your body to regain its rhythm after the pill - - for me it was really about 2 years. Not that you can't conceive, but that it just makes things harder to predict. If you have access to a microscope or want to get a kit, it is also fun to track the ferning pattern in your saliva but I am still unsure if it is a genuine marker of fertility or not since both times I started doing this I was immediately pregnant. Also keep a journal of all the funny symptoms you have during the two-week-wait. For me, there were very minor things that occurred both times (like sneezing for no reason or vivid, memorable dreams) that tipped me off I was pregnant well before I got a BFP though so many of the classic symptoms are also pre-menstrual. I also think I can feel the twinges of ovulation and maybe if you are starting to pay attention to every little sign and symptom you will be able to figure that out too. It beats just relaxing!

 

[Lanabanana]

Hi RachelleB

I just posted a message for first time title 40 TTC no.2 and then I saw your message. I used the ovulation sticks a few months before getting pregnant with my first child (took 8 months to get pregnant) and they indicated I wasn't ovulating and my GP said she had patients in all the time who said the same but got pregnant almost straight away. They don't work for everyone, in the same way that pregnancy test kits don't always get a positive right, it's something to do with whether your hormones come out in your urine. I also had a blood test by my GP which indicated I wasn't ovulating but my fertility consultant also dismissed this and said as I was having a regular 25 day cycle it was very likely I was ovulating. I did get my AMH level checked though as he said this is the best indicator of fertility and this can drop off after the age of 40. That said, mine is v.low and although I'm about to start my first cycle of IVF at end of the month I am now 3 days late so fingers crossed I won't need it. If i do get. BFP it wil be because I finally stopped worrying. Which is impossible to do but even if doing a couple of tests helps you relax and know you have a plan it may help. My GP said a lot couples end up getting pregnant during the fertility process for this very reason.

Good luck xxx

 

[Regin7]

I'm looking for advice, stories and ideas..... I am 40 years old. I have two children, 18 & 15. I got pregnant on my first attempt with both at age 21 and 25...no past miscarriages. I got divorced in my mid 30's after a long and unhappy marriage. I found the love of my life a couple of years ago. He is 33 and has no children. We want to have a child. I have been off the pill for 6 months and trying for 3. Nothing yet. I am having a hard time finding my ovulation day. Some months I have a 24 day cycle, others 25 and others 27. I have used ovulation sticks twice a day during days 8-13 of each cycle and have yet to get a positive ovulation test. Yet, I have a period every month in the 24-28 days range. I feel helpless.. how can I give myself a chance to get pregnant if I can't pin point my ovulation window? And with every passing cycle my window closes a little bit more. Everyone tells me to stop thinking about it or worrying... someone tell me how? When you want something and you need to plan to figure out time frames, how do you 'just let it happen'? Anything anyone can tell me in terms of advice, stories, thoughts, support, ideas.... would be very appreciated.

Hi, hun! I'm sorry you're in the trouble. But If you're having problems getting pregnant for baby#3, see your GP. They will look at your medical history and give you a physical examination.
They may also recommend some lifestyle changes to help fertility.
Unless there are reasons that may put you at high risk of infertility, such as cancer treatment, you'll usually only be considered for infertility investigations and treatment. If you've been trying for a baby for at least a year without becoming pregnant.
If appropriate, your GP can refer you to a fertility specialist at an NHS hospital or fertility clinic.
The specialist will ask about your fertility history, and may carry out a physical examination.
You may have tests to check the levels of hormones in your blood and how well your ovaries are working. You may also have an ultrasound scan or X-ray to see if there are any blockages or structural problems.
Your partner may be asked for a semen sample to test sperm quality.
If IVF is the best treatment for you, the specialist will refer you to an assisted conception unit.
Once you're accepted for treatment at the assisted conception unit, you and your partner will have blood tests for HIV, hepatitis B and hepatitis C, and to check if you're immune to rubella. Your cervical screening tests should also be up to date.
The specialist will investigate the amount of eggs in your body and their quality (your ovarian reserve) to estimate how your ovaries will respond to IVF treatment.
This can be assessed by measuring a substance called anti-mullerian hormone (AMH) in your blood, or by counting the number of egg-containing follicles, known as your antral follicle count (AFC), using a vaginal ultrasound scan.
Your specialist will then discuss your treatment plan with you in detail and talk to you about any support or guidance you may find helpful.”
Hope, this may help someone to make the right decision and start the treatment in time.
Hugs and all positive vibes xx