Help!!

[lemontree12]

Just had fob ring me asking him to pick him ip to talk he was drunk, we chatted on the phone him saying he wants us to talk alot more. It was nice to talk to him Like before if u don't think about what he has done. He said he'd ring tomorrow! But after getting off the phone I can't help myself thinking I don't want anything
To do with him, my heart has been damaged that much from him I can't let him in my life, but my head is saying stop being selfish ur little girl needs a daddy. I feel myself panicking inside because ifeel he's trying to control me again! I'm sitting here crying because I feel trapped again between my feelings and the feelings of my little girl in the future! If he was serious (which my head is telling me, he's fucking me around) then she will hate him for taking a chance of a dad away!
I hate what he is doing to me! Why can't he just leave me alone if he's not wing serious about her!

Please help me with some advice

 

[Lemonflower]

Oh hunny!!

You and your LO are doing so well without him!!!

After everything that man has did to you... You're still standing!!

You don't want anything from him hun. He doesn't deserve you to even speak nice to him.
I wonder if he'll call back now he's sober.

Putting aside what he did to you he's not been nice about your LO. He really is a mess.
If he calls I'd say, "I only wish to discuss our daughter".
It's up to you though babe,

I'd be the same if fob rang me but I think now we need to be strong mums for our babies.

Big hugs - keep swimming and keep that head above water!



xxxxx

 

[lemontree12]

Thank u
It's so hard, I'm such a nice person I did myself feeling I want to support him, it's logic that's makes me realise that he is the cause of his own misery and mine only Iv worked and made it out the other end. I did message him after saying that I don't no if I want him in my daughters life, she's happy and I only want happiness around her, maybe in time I would change my mind!
He asked me did he break my heart and what did it feel like, are u kidding me u killed me and changed the person I am now, destroyed my pregnancy and any plans to have future children! Iv decided I'm going to change my number! Iv spent the last 10months wanting the month were he asks about her, and considers seeing her, once given the chance I don't think I can do it, I can't look at the man who killed me in every sense, or could I let his gf anywhere near my daughter! If he was to met someone new then I'd have no issues but there's something morially wrong with getting knowingly involved in a situation like this. When it's between the mum and dad. It was weird he was asking had I found someone yet I ignored the first time he asked, then the second I responded that I didn't need to be in a relationship to be happy! But then told me his gf is great, but he's rob ruined that, why does he think I would care how well his relationship is going, has he forgot who he's talking to!

For the moment I'm leaving it, I'm not contacting him, both me and my daughter have a happy routine, we are happy in our own little bubble and I don't think he is a happy place right now, I only want positive happy people around my daughter.

 

[resursval]

Just had fob ring me asking him to pick him ip to talk he was drunk, we chatted on the phone him saying he wants us to talk alot more. It was nice to talk to him Like before if u don't think about what he has done. He said he'd ring tomorrow! But after getting off the phone I can't help myself thinking I don't want anything
To do with him, my heart has been damaged that much from him I can't let him in my life, but my head is saying stop being selfish ur little girl needs a daddy. I feel myself panicking inside because ifeel he's trying to control me again! I'm sitting here crying because I feel trapped again between my feelings and the feelings of my little girl in the future! If he was serious (which my head is telling me, he's fucking me around) then she will hate him for taking a chance of a dad away!
I hate what he is doing to me! Why can't he just leave me alone if he's not wing serious about her!

Please help me with some advice

Surely its not selfish to be sane and calm for your daughter's sake? Children notice everything and if he comes back into your lives it probably will be as a hurricane sooner or later...

 

[Dezireey]

Thing is with most of these FOB's is that the damage has been done and cannot be reversed. There are a lot of things I forgive people for and by god I've forgiven some serious stuff where most would just not, cos I'm too much of a softie and like to see the best in people and give them chances. But I can never, ever forgive my ex for what he has done to me, leaving me pregnant and alone and now never asking about or seeing his son, it's totally unforgivable. If he wants to play a role in my sons life at some point and gets adamant about that, I may come to some arrangement but frankly, like you, my babba and I are a team now and I see no room for him in our lives, his choice, we have adapted without him. Your FOB just sounds like poison and telling you about his girlfriend and asking how it felt to break your heart is just childish and twisted behaviour. I wouldn't give him the time of day or the pleasure of a minute of your conversation and yep, change your number. I changed mine a few weeks ago, he can only contact me by e-mail now which is less of a problem.

 

[Ceejay123]

Oh Hun if he's serious, he'll keep trying. Let him
Make an effort, don't buckle straight away. It'd be nice for your LO but you need to make sure he's committed first for her sake.

My OH was 18 when he first had a child on the way- he was an idiot from the sounds and I've told him I'm glad I didnt know him then. He got scared, did and said some stupid things. He ended up going through court for years to show hed grown up and was serious about his son. Honestly, I wouldn't be with him with my son if he wasn't an amazing Daddy. Men can change- just let him prove it. Although my OH was 18, had a lot of growing up left to do / he's now 22. I dont know about your OH? X

 

[lemontree12]

Thanks, but my fob is somewhat special, he rang me Friday to say he took my advise and been to see a councillor (organised and booked and seen in less than 2days) the councillor had said that one of the main things was for him to ask me to delete every message between us and his number! Like that's the main worry! I know this is all a lie! The things he's doing and saying is becoming fucked up and can't take anymore of his shit! So I messages him yesterday to say I needed to talk to him during the week, to his reply "oh god, what is it now? Deleted my fucking number" I said that its ok for him to ring me at 12.30am asking me to come get him when I have a young baby! And ring me with how ruined his life is! I was furious! I told him to never ring or contact me again, he officially is nothing to do with my daughter! I'm sick of everything coming out of his mouth being a lie! I'm going to change my number also.

Iv moved on and I hate he keeps dragging me down! Both me and my daughter are so happy, him being around isn't in the beat interest of her! He would only spend her life letting her down, and lying about everything.

X

 

[Ceejay123]

Bless you Honey... Hope things start to look up x

 

[lemontree12]

Thank u, things are great the only thing that isn't is him literally messing around! But when I change my number there will be no danger of that