Hello Moms,
First I would like to express my most heartfet condolence on the loss of your little ones, losing a child at any age is heartbreaking but never knowing what could have been is alot for a sould to take. My name is Nancy and im 30 years old up until a few months ago i truly beilved and accepted that i would never be a mom, that i was sent here to love other peoples babies like i would my own, and that i did for all these years. and on a wonderful May afternoon i found out i was pregnant with my first! i felt so blessed and loved and talked to my baby from that minute on. i did spot early in my first two months but ver lightly Dr gave me some hormones and on my 3rd month no more spotting, but at 16 weeks, my body started contracting, eventually casing my water to break, (a boy as perfect as can be named Patricio " my patito") that night in the ER after the Dr was able to calm me down, i said to myself this must be what its like to have gone crazy, cause this just cant be happening, to this day i still cant belive it. Do we go a little crazy? Sometimes i can be fine, but anything just breaks me, sometimes i even feel ashamed, like how could my body not hold onto my baby. I dont know if any of your are spiritual or religious but alot of the time i find myself asking why, and i pray for peace and acceptance but i also prayed for my babies health and save arrival, so how can i expect to find peace? but i imagine these feelings must be normal, i wodner if i'll ever get there, and i read of all the the stories about rainbow babies but how to you get the courage to even try? sometimes i want to try right away others i just dont know that i could ever live thru this pain again. i miss being happy. i miss the flutters in my belly. Will i ever feel normal again? Hoping some of you moms can share whats halped you find peace ...even if its possible.
First I would like to express my most heartfet condolence on the loss of your little ones, losing a child at any age is heartbreaking but never knowing what could have been is alot for a sould to take. My name is Nancy and im 30 years old up until a few months ago i truly beilved and accepted that i would never be a mom, that i was sent here to love other peoples babies like i would my own, and that i did for all these years. and on a wonderful May afternoon i found out i was pregnant with my first! i felt so blessed and loved and talked to my baby from that minute on. i did spot early in my first two months but ver lightly Dr gave me some hormones and on my 3rd month no more spotting, but at 16 weeks, my body started contracting, eventually casing my water to break, (a boy as perfect as can be named Patricio " my patito") that night in the ER after the Dr was able to calm me down, i said to myself this must be what its like to have gone crazy, cause this just cant be happening, to this day i still cant belive it. Do we go a little crazy? Sometimes i can be fine, but anything just breaks me, sometimes i even feel ashamed, like how could my body not hold onto my baby. I dont know if any of your are spiritual or religious but alot of the time i find myself asking why, and i pray for peace and acceptance but i also prayed for my babies health and save arrival, so how can i expect to find peace? but i imagine these feelings must be normal, i wodner if i'll ever get there, and i read of all the the stories about rainbow babies but how to you get the courage to even try? sometimes i want to try right away others i just dont know that i could ever live thru this pain again. i miss being happy. i miss the flutters in my belly. Will i ever feel normal again? Hoping some of you moms can share whats halped you find peace ...even if its possible.
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, I gave birth in my bathroom , went to the hospital we held her for a long time and we buried her on 3/11/2011. I am just now 1 year & a half later starting counseling , i go today for the first time. This pain does ease a bit with time but it never goes away and I said it a long time ago in other threads it is a "New Normal" 
