Hey guys, newbie!

[blinkybaby]

Hey ladies,

I'm not a new member of baby and bump but I am a new member to this part of the forum. And I haven't posted in a long while.

My little boy Louie is 2 years 4 months now and we have been on our own since November last year. Me and his dad decided to give it one last go back in May 2012 and after 6 months I decided it just wasn't working and we made the break. Me and Louie live on our own now. Finally feel I've made enough of a break to actually cal myself a single parent.

How do you guys deal with dads who aren't really that concerned about seeing their children? Louie's dad only sees him 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon and he's cancelled or not shown up for the last 3 weekends because he says he doesn't want to see me. And he says seeing Louie is too difficult because it reminds him of the good times we had and he can't cope. Well I just think that's a massive cop out and I'm pretty heartbroken for my little boy as he loves his daddy so much. Last weekend he was waiting by the door with his rucksack and all ready to go and I just sat on the sofa crying my eyes out and trying not to let him see. I didn't make the same mistake again of letting him know daddy would be coming last Sunday so he wasn't disappointed when he didn't show up but again I was heartbroken for him.

Part of me wishes I could just tell him to get out of our lives for good if he's gonna be like this as my sons at the age where he could recover from that, another year and he's going to be just as heartbroken as me every time he lets him down.

Also, how do you single ladies cope with the loneliness?? I've been in a relationship for nearly 8 years since I was 17 and I'm finding it so hard to cope with the lack of company, affection, everything really. I know I'm not ready for another relationship yet and wouldn't want to go down that route yet, I'm not forcing anything, but I miss just having a laugh and a hug and a giggle at the end of the day with someone who gets me. Me and my ex never hated each other and it's only now 6 months later that it's got nasty and he says he hates me etc. *sigh* My main focus is my son at the moment but I can't help thinking about what would make me happy as a woman at times. Motherhood is such an amazing thing but it does suck the identity out of you at times. I feel like a mum at the moment but I want to feel like a woman as well and I don't at the moment, does that make sense?

Anyway sorry for the ramble! You all seem really nice

 

[Dream.dream]

Hi . Sorry for your situation.

The loneliness best thing I found was to have some thing to do, part time job, a class on the evenings or something that's for you where you can meet and talk to people .

As for him my wanting to see him . To be honest your son will have to e alot older before he realizes . My sons 4 and was having 2 visits a week with his dad. But when da had a new baby he's refused to come into town for the visits because its "taking money from his family" so no low my son only sees him 1 time a month and only if his parents will pick my son up and drive him the 2 hours out of town to supervise the visits. So basically he never sees him.

He doesn't ask about him am of e does I say daddy is working right now an very busy. He usually just leaves it be .

 

[daneuse27]

Im sorry to hear about how your ex is treating your son - that is definitely a cop out, and inexcusable. I think you're right to not get your son's hopes up about visits, but I think you also need to put your foot down with your ex. If I were you, I'd tell him that if he keeps cancelling, you'll take away his visitation rights. You don't want your son to grow up feeling this sense of abandonment, and his dad has no right to do that to him. He needs to honour and cherish the time he has with his son, or he doesn't deserve it. IMO

Regarding the loneliness, it is hard sometimes. I have great friends who I visit or who visit me, and I also joined dating sites and met a few men on the internet. I only went on 1 date so far (and I wasn't interested) but I came into contact with a divorced dad who I now email back and forth with, and we might meet up sometime this summer. Being a single mom doesn't allow for a lot of free time, so I find online is a good way to meet potential dates. You can also look for local single parent groups in your area.

 

[PinkLady17]

hey!
I feel lonely sometimes, but most of the time I think it's the best thing that could've happen to me.
The only screaming in the house is the baby lol... not him
I noticed I dont cry anymore...cuz there's nobody doing stuff to make me cry.

other great stuff about it?

you dont have to pick up behind him
you get the bed to yourself
you dont have to share closet space
your bathroom is finally clean and organized.
you don't have to worry about dinner being ready for someone.
you don't have to ask anybody permission to go somewhere
there's no one to demand you to go and change what you're wearing (when we you wanna dress sexy) lol

enjoy this time that is yours and do what you like.

 

[Dream.dream]

hey!
I feel lonely sometimes, but most of the time I think it's the best thing that could've happen to me.
The only screaming in the house is the baby lol... not him
I noticed I dont cry anymore...cuz there's nobody doing stuff to make me cry.

other great stuff about it?

you dont have to pick up behind him
you get the bed to yourself
you dont have to share closet space
your bathroom is finally clean and organized.
you don't have to worry about dinner being ready for someone.
you don't have to ask anybody permission to go somewhere
there's no one to demand you to go and change what you're wearing (when we you wanna dress sexy) lol

enjoy this time that is yours and do what you like.

Get the whole bed to your self part is awsome . Also add

You also can watch chick flicks or what ever you want without someone complaining
You don't have to shave your legs if you don't want to

 

[babycrazy1706]

^^^^ totally with you on the shaving legs thing!!

ahhhh freedom!!!

 

[blamesydney]

Oh man, I would love to watch chick flicks every now and again but poor OH detests them

The situation with him waiting by the door literally made me have a good cry because that's my worst nightmare. At that point, it's affecting my child's emotional well being, and I'd tell him straight up either shape-up immediately or don't come back.