Hi Im new Lost my daughter at 21 weeks

[Bec C]

Thats the fustrating thing isnt it, when you have the tests and they all come back clear. You want answers but there aren't any

 

[amanda83]

I can totally relate with everything you said. I'm so sorry you had to go through this; it has got to be the toughest thing a person can ever go through. If you are like me, my loss was my first pregnancy and I feel like my innocence has been stolen. I look around and see every one of my friends and acquaintances get pregnant and have beautiful healthy children. I've never questioned if I did anything wrong, because I know I didn't. I often question why me, why me, why me, where did I go wrong in life, did I screw someone over and this is how god is repaying me? Other days I am thankful, thankful that I didn't die that day too. I guess our feelings come in waves. Not to mention my best friend is pregnant now, and it's killing me, I have never been so depressed in my life. I feel like her pregnancy has totally over shadowed my grief and I am obsessed with trying to get pregnant again.

I think everything you are experiencing and every emotion is 100% normal.

I wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure you will have your healthy, beautiful baby in the near future

 

[Bec C]

I can totally relate with everything you said. I'm so sorry you had to go through this; it has got to be the toughest thing a person can ever go through. If you are like me, my loss was my first pregnancy and I feel like my innocence has been stolen. I look around and see every one of my friends and acquaintances get pregnant and have beautiful healthy children. I've never questioned if I did anything wrong, because I know I didn't. I often question why me, why me, why me, where did I go wrong in life, did I screw someone over and this is how god is repaying me? Other days I am thankful, thankful that I didn't die that day too. I guess our feelings come in waves. Not to mention my best friend is pregnant now, and it's killing me, I have never been so depressed in my life. I feel like her pregnancy has totally over shadowed my grief and I am obsessed with trying to get pregnant again.

I think everything you are experiencing and every emotion is 100% normal.

I wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure you will have your healthy, beautiful baby in the near future

Hi I am like you I do wonder if I did something wrong and worry I could have changed things. I dont blame God though, I know he doesnt punish people, regardless of what people are told. You arent being punished either honey

My sis is pregand not being very understanding, it is tough isnt it. But our time will come lovey you wait and see. We are stronger kinder people for all this and we will get our time xx

Here for you if you ever want a chat. I mean that. Take care xx

 

[amanda83]

I can totally relate with everything you said. I'm so sorry you had to go through this; it has got to be the toughest thing a person can ever go through. If you are like me, my loss was my first pregnancy and I feel like my innocence has been stolen. I look around and see every one of my friends and acquaintances get pregnant and have beautiful healthy children. I've never questioned if I did anything wrong, because I know I didn't. I often question why me, why me, why me, where did I go wrong in life, did I screw someone over and this is how god is repaying me? Other days I am thankful, thankful that I didn't die that day too. I guess our feelings come in waves. Not to mention my best friend is pregnant now, and it's killing me, I have never been so depressed in my life. I feel like her pregnancy has totally over shadowed my grief and I am obsessed with trying to get pregnant again.

I think everything you are experiencing and every emotion is 100% normal.

I wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure you will have your healthy, beautiful baby in the near future

Hi I am like you I do wonder if I did something wrong and worry I could have changed things. I dont blame God though, I know he doesnt punish people, regardless of what people are told. You arent being punished either honey

My sis is pregand not being very understanding, it is tough isnt it. But our time will come lovey you wait and see. We are stronger kinder people for all this and we will get our time xx

Here for you if you ever want a chat. I mean that. Take care xx

I might just take you up on that darling You ladies are the only people who can relate to how I am feeling these past 4 months. It all sucks!

Do you plan on trying again soon?

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rebecca. xxxx

 

[Bec C]

I can totally relate with everything you said. I'm so sorry you had to go through this; it has got to be the toughest thing a person can ever go through. If you are like me, my loss was my first pregnancy and I feel like my innocence has been stolen. I look around and see every one of my friends and acquaintances get pregnant and have beautiful healthy children. I've never questioned if I did anything wrong, because I know I didn't. I often question why me, why me, why me, where did I go wrong in life, did I screw someone over and this is how god is repaying me? Other days I am thankful, thankful that I didn't die that day too. I guess our feelings come in waves. Not to mention my best friend is pregnant now, and it's killing me, I have never been so depressed in my life. I feel like her pregnancy has totally over shadowed my grief and I am obsessed with trying to get pregnant again.

I think everything you are experiencing and every emotion is 100% normal.

I wish you nothing but the best. I'm sure you will have your healthy, beautiful baby in the near future

Hi I am like you I do wonder if I did something wrong and worry I could have changed things. I dont blame God though, I know he doesnt punish people, regardless of what people are told. You arent being punished either honey

My sis is pregand not being very understanding, it is tough isnt it. But our time will come lovey you wait and see. We are stronger kinder people for all this and we will get our time xx

Here for you if you ever want a chat. I mean that. Take care xx

I might just take you up on that darling You ladies are the only people who can relate to how I am feeling these past 4 months. It all sucks!

Do you plan on trying again soon?

Hi ya Im so sorry for the delay in getting back to you, my back has gone out and Im in agony I havent been on line.

I am going to try again, I just nee dto have some swabs and things taken to rule out infection and for my back to get better. Im hoping to try again in the summer. I really hope I can have another. I dont want to replace Eliza but Im hoping I can fill the void somehow.

Hope your ok Amanda xx

 

[Kelly9]

your post about the good and bad days makes lots of sense, thats how I would describe it only I'm still crying on the good days but it's only been a few weeks for me. I find it helpful to hear that things will get better cause sometimes I really wonder if they will but if others keep saying it will happen then I can believe it will happen.

 

[amanda83]

Bec, I hope you find the strength to try again, another baby would be lucky to have you for a mama Get lots of rest so that your bad back gets better as well.

Kelly, days get easier for sure, just take it one day at a time. I hope you are surrounded by positive people, because it certainly helps at times like this. It helped me a lot getting back to work and into my normal routine again. Hopefully it will help you as well. I hope you are doing ok all things considered?

I'm kind of down in the dumps, had a chat with my pregnant friend last night pretty much told her it's too painful to be around her right now (she is 17 weeks now), she understands but told me she needs me more than ever It's just too hard.

 

[Kelly9]

Amanda I'm ok, thats what I tell everyone and most of the time it's true. The rest of the time are my bad moments. I've booked into see a counsellor who specialized in pregnancy loss so hopefully something good will come of it.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

Bec i hope you're doing ok.

 

[Hotbump]

 

[Bec C]

Bec, I hope you find the strength to try again, another baby would be lucky to have you for a mama Get lots of rest so that your bad back gets better as well.

Kelly, days get easier for sure, just take it one day at a time. I hope you are surrounded by positive people, because it certainly helps at times like this. It helped me a lot getting back to work and into my normal routine again. Hopefully it will help you as well. I hope you are doing ok all things considered?

I'm kind of down in the dumps, had a chat with my pregnant friend last night pretty much told her it's too painful to be around her right now (she is 17 weeks now), she understands but told me she needs me more than ever It's just too hard.

Hey my back keeps spasming Im not sure why but its the most painful thing. Im finding Im getting really depressed as all I can do is lie here with way too much time to think.

I think your friend must understand you are struggling and if you cant be near her she must try to search herself and try to understand. My sister is pg and I cant stand to be near her, she doesnt understand and has now decided to stay away, which if Im honest I really dont mind. As I just find it to upsetting at the moment, unless they have been in our shoes they cant understand so I do give a bit of leeway to them. I hope you are ok in yourself xx

your post about the good and bad days makes lots of sense, thats how I would describe it only I'm still crying on the good days but it's only been a few weeks for me. I find it helpful to hear that things will get better cause sometimes I really wonder if they will but if others keep saying it will happen then I can believe it will happen.

Kelly it is so early on for you my love. To begin with I never imagined I could ever leave the house again. Right now I do have more good days, but even then I could cry at the drop of a hat, Im not very good at talking about her I usually end up in tears quite easily. But as the months crawl on, the heavy feeling in your chest starts to fade and you do start to look forward more than behind, the guilt fades, although you do get the odd bad moment. I dont think it will ever go away, someone said its like dropping a huge stone in a lake, the ripples follow for a while after, then it all goes smooth again, and noone would know the stone was there, but it is and will always be, but theres no visable sign from above, but its there and it always will be. I guess that kind of sums it up for me. Eliza will always be there but for most of the time, knowone will acknowledge or know the fact shes there with you all the time.

I do have a hope for the future and I do believe I will see her again and I do believe all thoose asleep in the memorial tombs will wake up back on earth, so for me that gives me tremendous comfort. I dont push my beliefs but if you would like to know more please ask.

I find keeping busy helps, but on a bad day or a bad moment I allow myself to be sad, but I try to say to myself I will be sad for say 15 minutes then I must get on with this or that, and I find that really helps, obviously on a bad day I find it harder but I find it helps me to make time time for her and be sad but then be firm with myself and do something different. It works for me but might not for everyone

Always here if you need to talk to someone who understands xx

 

[Kelly9]

The heaviness is exactly what I have, feels like it will never leave. Sometimes I don't notice it as much other times it seems unbearable. I have a hard time talking about Hannah without crying but I like to talk about her. I don't want friends and family to forget I had a daughter. At night time when I tell my son and her that I love them and ask her to watch over us I usually end up bawling but lately I tell Hannah that I just don't want to cry anymore that it hurts to much and I try to find a calm place where I'm not crying but where I can drift off to sleep thinking about her. Mostly I just want to fast forward time so that I can be through this hard part and at the point where I know she's there and thats all I need.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Garnet]

So sorry!! I not much of a writer but I am sorry that you had to go through this...

 

[Bec C]

The heaviness is exactly what I have, feels like it will never leave. Sometimes I don't notice it as much other times it seems unbearable. I have a hard time talking about Hannah without crying but I like to talk about her. I don't want friends and family to forget I had a daughter. At night time when I tell my son and her that I love them and ask her to watch over us I usually end up bawling but lately I tell Hannah that I just don't want to cry anymore that it hurts to much and I try to find a calm place where I'm not crying but where I can drift off to sleep thinking about her. Mostly I just want to fast forward time so that I can be through this hard part and at the point where I know she's there and thats all I need.

Thanks for listening.

Hey you can talk anytime. I totally know where you are coming from. Its been no time at all for you and say the same I wish I could fast forward time as its just too hard to cope with. Its been just over 6 months for me now. I still struggle when Im out and see babies and preg mums, I have to look away and dart down another isle, its very draining. Not sure if you feel the same but i feel mentally, physically and emotionally shattered. I love to talk about Eliza even though it makes me sad, I want her to remain a part of our lives. Your little Hannah will always be a part of you, you'll never forget her and will always miss what should have been. One day at a time one hour at a time somedays is all you can do lovey. There has been days where all I can do is wash and dress and that it I sit and stare into the sky or at the wall. Talking to others who are in the same boat does help, as the the rest of the time I feel like im in a bubble and noone knows what I am going through and thats the hardest. I feel very alone alot of the time.

All I can say is it will ease, slowly, you will look back in a month and see you are stronger and then again another month and so on. I want to try again soon, but only when Im ready I dont want to rush into it. When you feel the time is right to try again I wish you all the best, but please allow time to grieve for Hannah first, get strong, take your time and then who knows how you will feel alittle bit down the line.

Always here for you if you want to chat xx I hope you have a good support where you are. Thinking of you so much, so wish I could take this all away for us xx

 

[kiki04]

The pain never goes away but you learn to live with it....

 

[Kelly9]

We couldn't get pregnant if we wanted to. Hannah was an ivf/icsi baby. We've put our self back on the waitlist but we won't get in till spring. I just hope it works the first time this go.

 

[Bec C]

We couldn't get pregnant if we wanted to. Hannah was an ivf/icsi baby. We've put our self back on the waitlist but we won't get in till spring. I just hope it works the first time this go.

Oh I see, well I will be thinking of you and I hope with all my heart you get a positive straight away

 

[Kelly9]

Me too, I can't handle anymore heart break.

 

[Bec C]

Me too, I can't handle anymore heart break.

I see you live in Canada, is spring at the same time as us, as next month spring starts? I hope so so you can try soon xx

Hope you are having a gentle day today xx

 

[Kelly9]

Yes spring is the next season for us but three months is still forever away and thats if the frozen embryo transfer works on the first go. I just really hope I'll be pregnant again before Hannah's due date comes around, otherwise I don't know how I'll get through it.