Hi ladies would like your advice and opinions

[shellbell25]

Hello ladies,

I used to post on here a while ago but it all got to much after loosing 5 babies and having fertility treatment. I am now a nurse and I work on the type of ward that delivers the little angels who are 21 weeks or less. I hope this is not to insensitive but I would like to know what kind of service your hospital offered you in terms of memory's of your baby to keep, time with your baby and how your baby was shown to you. The reason I ask is I had appalling care at one hospitals with one of my losses and in light of this and being in a position to implement change for the better, I would like to hear about your experience was there was anything the hospital could have done better for you. I know it's difficult to talk about. But when I go to the meeting with my plan of action I would like evidence that this is what actual patients need. I for example was shown my baby in a tatty old knitted blanket which they wouldn't let me keep. Also the pictures they took were cold and clinical I can not bring myself to look at them. If anybody doesn't feel comfortable writing here personal message me as I will give you my email address .All comments will be kept confidential. I will just list the recommendations to the managers. I hope you don't mind me posting here its just that I want things to change so much.

Thank you for reading

Chel

 

[mhazzab]

Hiya...i don't think we have spoken before, I'm sorry to hear of your losses .I think it's great you are trying to do something to improve how we are treated.

At my hospital I guess we were kind of 'lucky'. My twins were both born and then once they were finished working on them, they were brought to me in a little nest, from what I remember. I was still in shock so didn't really want to hold them but the midwife put them on me anyway. It probably was for the best, looking back on it....I asked her to take them away after about a minute, I couldn't stand it. That was the only time I held them and I do regret that now. They then took us back to a private room, which a proper bed, kettle, etc. this room was funded by the charity SiMBA and is meant for grieving parents. It's a great idea although unfortunately still on the ward and not soundproofed, so you can hear all the other babies cry. It was heartbreaking hearing this and one of the reasons I checked out after a few hours against ther advice. But they have tried to create a better environment. My daughters were placed onthe usual cot (so I'm told, I didn't see them again at the hospital) and left in the room next door, for us to wheel through if we wanted to. They were dressed in knitted hats (of appropriate size) and covered in a knitted blanket and given a teddy.

We got some sleep (we were exhausted) and in the afternoon were asked if it was ok if the chaplain came. We were hesitant as not religious but said yes anyway. She was amazing. Organised for the hospital photographer to take pictures of them, hand and footprints too. ( she also pretty much organised the funeral for us). We also were given a memory box, also provided by Simba to have something to leave the hospital with, the box is lovely.

This is all I can think of but feel free to PM me if you want to ask anything x

 

[gnomette]

we were on the maternity ward so that was really difficult but everyone was lovely they did his foot prints ( not his hands the woman who was there didn't deal with people like us as often as the lady who had looked after us in the day an was worried cause his hands were peely) she took photos and put a hat on him and blanket an did him a little (unofficial) birth certificate they also arranged for someone to come take casts of his (what i thought would only just be his feet but the lady managed to do his hands too) we bought him a teddy an blanket an they put it round him for us they arranged for him to be blessed and we went to see him alot in hospital an 9 out of 10 of them were lovely had a run in with a young inexpedience mw who was a bit blunt an bordering on rude but we mainly dealt with by one lady who was brilliant and she gave us the biggest hug an told us she was going to miss us an that she was really hoping that next time she saw us she hoped we would have a healthy baby an she cried with us x the lady who had delivered elliott came an saw us a couple of times when we were in there an again sat an talked an hugged us when we were having a bad day an when my 2year old wouldn't feed talked us through it all x so we really couldn't have asked for better care x
i don't really know if anything i just wrote was of any use to you but the only thing i would have changed was to have not been on the maternity ward as much as i would like to not think of anyone having to go through what we have been through i have come to realise its more common than anyone would like to think so maybe there could be a room just more out the way? its the only thing that bothered me x
i am sorry for all your losses

 

[babylou]

Hello

When we lost Sam we were given a memory box from 4louis.co.uk charity. The blanket and teddy in the were used when they brought Sam back to us afterwards, although we were advised that it would be better not to see Sam. However, we are so pleased that we were offered the time together in our room, his presence was enough....

The nurses did foot and hand prints in a card for us, and there is a candle and angel in the box too.

The chaplain came to see us, and was so supportive and helpful. He arranged the service for us and took great care to make sure we were happy with what he was doing.

I have since donated to 4louis to ensure that other parents receive a chance of one of these memory boxes, it is very special to us...

I do hope that you are able to help create a special memories out of such sad occasions.

Finally, so sorry about your losses. You are so brave working in such an environment. I couldn't do it.

Take care...

 

[Sapphire909]

That is great that you are trying to change things. I don't think many people (who have not experienced this type of loss) really understand what we go through or know that we need some form of closure.
My hospital had experienced staff and counsellors on site who came and spoke to DH and I. That support in itself was comforting. They explained that we were able to make many of the decisions in terms of holding the baby, mementos we could keep and also what specifically happened to the baby afterwards.
We received a teddy bear to take home (the thought behind that is parents going through this do not go home completely empty handed), a memento box with pictures of the baby, the little knitted blanket that wrapped the baby, a 'Certificate of Life' with the baby's weight and measurements and name and our names as parents. These are all things we cherish.