High needs baby please help me

[Ozzieshunni]

I've noticed that Alex has become more attached to me, mainly in the house. If we're out at the park or toddler group, he's fine. What sorts of activities do you have planned during the week?

 

[JASMAK]

Noodle...My baby doesnt have a developmental PROBLEM, my 7 year old has a developmental DELAY. It IS commin...not sure what makes you an expert. I have had a high needs baby, I have experience with my own 3 children, I have specific training in parenting high needs babies/children with developmental delays, and I have worked professionally with children. I follow most Attachment Parenting ways, and my kids are proof it works. I would love to know your expertise here....because I am getting a chuckle out of your threads and your ignorance.

 

[aliss]

Harvey Karp has some great information about the "caveman Toddler" whose separation anxiety always peaks during physical mobility milestones, which he has seen in thousands of cases (I believe the wonder weeks talks about it too), it really can't be a coincidence that separation anxiety, rather than meaning to just be an annoyance to us, is simply just a natural safety precaution to keep our babies from hurting themselves or worse.

Babies who are victims of parental neglect (and not physical abuse) are more likely to die of their injuries than babies who are victims of intentional parental physical abuse. Scary stuff. They really are a danger to themselves when they can get to things they shouldn't.

 

[Dragonfly]

I am actually in disbelief at what I just read here.

 

[NoodleSnack]

Ah well I gave mine all the wanted then and both turned out happy content children who arnt spoiled with material goods and well behaved. I get complements. I must have done something right in not letting mine cry it out. My oldest is high needs also, needed more than my youngest. I seen children whos needs where not met when they needed them, basic primal needs, I decided I didnt want one of those and did what I felt was right and never will think other wise.

And there are mothers who practice cry it out and their child children are happy and content and turn out fine too. You do what you think is right, and others do what they think is right. I don't think there's anything wrong with picking them up if you want to, nor do I see anything wrong with not picking them up if all they want is just to be picked up.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Oh dear.....

 

[aliss]

So there are solutions to help the OP.... none of us are saying she should just put down the chores and hold the baby all day. Practical solutions for dealing with a high needs baby dealing with separation anxiety are needed.

- A proper back carrier (for when using the stove)
- A "safe" baby cupboard in the kitchen with spoons, pans, bowls.
- Time in/time out (5 minutes chore, 5 minutes play with the bowls, 5 minutes chore, 5 minutes with a spoon)
- Peekaboo activities
- Like Ozzi mentioned, more social outside activities with ongoing practice on distancing herself (ie. 5 seconds, 10 seconds, working your way up to 2 minutes etc)
- "Baby chores" (when you do the dusting, give the baby their own duster and let them do it too, of course it just gets messier but it helps in the long run)

 

[NoodleSnack]

Noodle...Well, three kids later...I think I will stiick to the parenting I have researched and practiced. Giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding benefits children...not spoils them. My children are very independent, smart, polite, well spoken, mature, fuction well in school and groups, accept responsibility, and have never been in trouble in school. Must be doing something right.

Good for you. The problem I see with your post is that you seem to equate not picking them up if they cry to be picked up as not "giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding". There are parents who choose to persist with methods different from yours and their children turn out fine too.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Out of curiousity.....do you have children, Noodle? What has your experience been with them?

 

[aliss]

When Alex was this age, the biggest challenge was laundry. So, I did it with a back carrier (to go downstairs and load the machines), then I had him "help" me fold it. Yes, it took long - and yes, he made the folded pile a disaster - but once does not necessarily need to hold OR put down to get things done. We can balance it. It just takes a lot of practice to figure out what works. But like any high needs baby, we have to figure out a solution that both works for us AND them, and it doesn't mean a black or white solution either.

I took this video when Alex was your LO's age, OP. As you can see, it was a bit of a hassle to get laundry done as he's messing up the folding, tossing socks, etc. and I have to stop frequently as he's climbing the fan, but even taking an extra 20 minutes to do something, as frustrating as it might be to get into a habit, can really help in the long run. If I had asked him to sit down and wait for me to get this done in one shot, he would have been hysterical.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=DciJsQ-JDmU

 

[aliss]

I can't help but notice almost everyone on this page has a kid named Alex, lol

 

[JASMAK]

Noodle...Well, three kids later...I think I will stiick to the parenting I have researched and practiced. Giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding benefits children...not spoils them. My children are very independent, smart, polite, well spoken, mature, fuction well in school and groups, accept responsibility, and have never been in trouble in school. Must be doing something right.

Good for you. The problem I see with your post is that you seem to equate not picking them up if they cry to be picked up as not "giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding". There are parents who choose to persist with methods different from yours and their children turn out fine too.

Do they? Where is your research in this? I actually really think you are pretty ignorant in this subject and I really hope you DO research this before your baby is born. I know lots of moms to be who are EXPERTS too....LOL....I think we've all been there...we parent PERFECTLY before we have kids. Good luck with your reality check.

 

[Dragonfly]

I second that!

 

[NoodleSnack]

Noodle...My baby doesnt have a developmental PROBLEM, my 7 year old has a developmental DELAY. It IS commin...not sure what makes you an expert. I have had a high needs baby, I have experience with my own 3 children, I have specific training in parenting high needs babies/children with developmental delays, and I have worked professionally with children. I follow most Attachment Parenting ways, and my kids are proof it works. I would love to know your expertise here....because I am getting a chuckle out of your threads and your ignorance.

I did not claim to be an expert in anything, so I would appreciate it if you don't put words in my mouth. As I have said I have young niece and cousins and that's where I see how they interact with the adults around them. We don't need to be experts to offer our opinion around here. And I have to ask: if your parenting style works, it must be the only thing that works or can other parents choose other methods and still produce children that are well adjusted and happy and content?

 

[NoodleSnack]

Noodle...Well, three kids later...I think I will stiick to the parenting I have researched and practiced. Giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding benefits children...not spoils them. My children are very independent, smart, polite, well spoken, mature, fuction well in school and groups, accept responsibility, and have never been in trouble in school. Must be doing something right.

Good for you. The problem I see with your post is that you seem to equate not picking them up if they cry to be picked up as not "giving your child love, nurturing, and understanding". There are parents who choose to persist with methods different from yours and their children turn out fine too.

Do they? Where is your research in this? I actually really think you are pretty ignorant in this subject and I really hope you DO research this before your baby is born. I know lots of moms to be who are EXPERTS too....LOL....I think we've all been there...we parent PERFECTLY before we have kids. Good luck with your reality check.

I never claimed to be an "expert", why are you trying to mischaracterise what I wrote? Where is your research that only attachment parenting produce well adjusted children, since you are the one who claims to have researched this subject and worked with children professionally? Do you seriously believe that other parents who persist with methods different from yours do not have children that turn out fine too? I find that quite narrow minded.

 

[JASMAK]

I do think other parenting styles work, but ones that ignore responding to a childs needs consistently...do cause damage. There is significant research to support this. The issue with your opinions (besides the rude delivery of them) is they are so laced with ignorance.

 

[aliss]

No, you don't have to be an expert and none of us are experts. But we can tell that you do not have your own kids, it is quite obvious. And I know non-parents do not think that this matters - but it does.

Because when most non-parents offer their advice, when they have no real experience on the subject, it usually results in them glossing over certain critical elements. It's like many other careers - you observe this and that, you think that's how it works, you make decisions as to how things SHOULD operate based on that limited viewpoint, and your according advice might be somewhat off the mark for that person. Like the person who gets annoyed at the policeman for ticketing a speeder - because they love to forget that speed is the main factor in car fatalities. But you just get annoyed at them "not catching real criminals" like the fool stealing $5 batteries from walmart. Whose the real criminal?

For example, the OP needs practical suggestions (ie not just put the baby on the floor or just hold the baby), that can be adapted to a high needs baby who is ALSO going through a critical stage of separation anxiety (the baby is not "high needs" just because of their age - she stated her baby was high needs to begin with, and believe me, it's a totally different ballgame).

So, when we overlook some critical elements because we just don't "get it", as it's a job that we really don't have indepth experience in, then sometimes our advice can be misguided, that's all I'm trying to say here.

As the mother of a very high needs baby (who is now a very secure independent toddler, too independent for my liking but that's the "monster" I helped him become), I have been through OP's dilemma before and I can honeslty say there is a white way to deal with it, a black way to deal with it, and 50,000 grey ways that she can try and adapt to her child's difficult yet spunky and probably less-adaptable personality that can suit BOTH of them.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

There is a vast difference between interacting with children on a part time basis as opposed to a full time basis.

 

[aliss]

There is a vast difference between interacting with children on a part time basis as opposed to a full time basis.

Full time I wish! Doesn't that mean I can punch out after 40 hours

 

[Ozzieshunni]

There is a vast difference between interacting with children on a part time basis as opposed to a full time basis.

Full time I wish! Doesn't that mean I can punch out after 40 hours

You know what I mean I would never presume to know what a child is like because I'm a preschool teacher. I get to give them back after 9 hours. I'm with my son 24/7/365 (give or take a few hours here and there).