him or the baby?

[Clairex20]

Well... as soon as i told my fob that i was pregnant he said to get rid of it. Last october i had a miscarriage and it was a planned pregnancy and since then i moved back home because it was to much stress and i couldnt afford to live the way i was with bills etc.. so anyway i havent took any protection since and yesterday i found out i was pregnant again and i was so excited until he started shouting the odds telling me i HAVE to get rid of it i have no choice, its him or the baby i said im not getting rid of it so il have to be a single mum, he said im going to be a looser and i wont be able to look after it and it will end up in care. He said im selfish and cruel to bring a baby into the world. He keeps trying to blackmail me and keeps begging i get rid of it. He said he hopes i have another miscarriage... then i said i didnt want no more to do with him and i will make my baby proud i dont need him in my life. He keeps threatening me telling me hes going to text my mum and tell her to persuade me to get rid of it ( i havent even told my parents yet) he said life will be better without a baby :/ theres nothing i want more then a baby even though im only 20 ( nearly 21 ) he dosent understand the way i feel hes just so selfish and wants me to do what he wants! he said he wants nothing to do with it and hes not paying no money or care for it. Im so angry and upset but i dont want to cause stress to the baby... any suggestions on what i should do? im so confused and scared


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https://global.thebump.com/tickers/ttcbb0a.aspx

 

[LTEx]

tell ur parents hun! Dont go through it all on your own they're your parents so no matter what they're there for you

Sorry to hear about the stuff he's said he sounds a complete waste of space! I wouldn't contact him until LO's here then atleast he knows you've had him/her. X

 

[LTEx]

Double post

 

[peapod11]

i was given the same choice by my ex, i was with him for 4years. and i couldnt go threw with not having it! i had no family around... now im 18weeks and starting to come round to the idea of being a mum. we both didnt back down, i refused not to have it and he refused to be a parent, so now we dont see eachother and dont even talk. it was hard to begin with thinking that my baby will miss out on something most kids will have, a dad. but on the other hand, it will just be us 2 and the bond between us will be stronger! do what you want to do and never let a man push u into doing something u dont want to

 

[Clairex20]

im just scared to tell my mum now im back at home, yeah hes a complete waste of space i haven't got time for him anymore! i would pick my child over him anyday! im to scared to even go to the drs i need to tell my mum so she can help me through this. I also want an early scan to reassure me after my last miscarriage. Thanks for your help.


https://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt88dff.aspx

 

[LTEx]

i can gurantee you hun your parents will be more upset that you have kept something like this from them rather than telling them. I think its best thing to do x

 

[Lozdi]

I hardly ever saw my dad, but my mum is so wonderful I don't feel as though I missed out. Given that you are 20 I would be extremely surprised if your mum was angry with you. Afterall, 20 is grown up. Think of those girls who find themselves pregnant at 15 or younger, they must have been absolutely terrified to tell their mums! I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first, I told my mum and she said 'WELL! I better start knitting!'

Get in there and tell your mum before this loser of a man does, I bet you find her supportive and maybe also exited (though that may come after she lets it sink in). Do you get on well with your mum?

I know that the 'right' thing to do may be to tell this guy when the baby arrives but I think in this case that would be a bad idea. He does not sound like an influence you want in your child's life.

You should call a midwife, all you have to do is go into your gp's surgery and just ask the receptionist for the relevant phone number, then call them up I absolutely guarantee that they will be supportive. Depending where you live you might have to fight hard if you want an early scan as its unfortunately not routine til you have had 3 losses in a row. I only got one because I had a missed miscarriage and asked directly at the epau. Normally you need a gp referral unless you live in the states and have good insurance. There is always this site too, if you need to let it all out.

 

[Rhio92]

Huuuuge xxx

 

[stephanie20]

Tell your parents i'm sure they'll support you. I was in a similar situation, my ex told me to get an abortion but I said no and I'm now 35 weeks pregnant, single and happy

I'm 20 too, nearly 21

It was hard telling my parents but they have supported me and I'm sure yours will too. Please go to the doctors ASAP though if you are scared about a miscarriage

Good luck xx

 

[JohnsPrincess]

Let your parents know! You don't want to hide it and have them find out another way. My mom was 21 when she became pregnant with me - she was living on her own, but not married, etc and even she was scared to tell my Grandparents! LOL. But she did and it was fine!

As for your fob...what a douche!! He can choose not to have anything to do with your child but, too bad for him, he can NOT choose not to help out monetarily. Any man who would demand you choose between him and a child is not a real man. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you CAN do it.

 

[teal]

I agree you should tell your parents. Sending you massive hugs xx

 

[Dezireey]

My FOB did this, only he chose to give me the guilt trip, soppy, silent treatment e.g How can you do this to us?, I love you but I can't be with you anymore if you have the baby...subtle blackmail really. Just as manipulative as shouting at me to get rid. Deffo tell your parents and just immediately start adapting your life without him and prepare to be a single mum.

Message - To the Men who absolutely don't want kids and then have hissy fits when you get your girl pregnant.....big bit of advice for ya...accidents can happen, wear an effing bloody condom mate everytime and then you won't ever be a Dad will ya?.......simples.

 

[LadyRoy]

Like the other ladies said tell your parents and then he can't hold it over you. It is totally your choice to keep the baby so enjoy your pregnancy

 

[MumToBe2012]

I'm sorry you're going through this . You're not a loser and what I think you have to do is talk to your parents. At the end of the day parents are there to support you whether they agree with your choices or not. Also, you have EVERY right to keep your baby, it's a part of YOU and for anyone, let alone the other person that helped create this baby, to try and force you to have an abortion is not worth your time. I had the same problem with my FOB, but he tried to emotionally blackmail me into it - he wasn't think how emotionally vulnerable I was at the time and how scared I was. I just kept saying 'get rid of it' over and over and going on about how he liked his life and didn't want to be a dad - but I don't remember him putting a condom on! At the time I felt bad for him because I could see from his POV that he was scared and he even said he was. I stood my ground anyway and am now 19 weeks pregnant. I love my baby so much and I'm so glad I didn't let myself get bullied into an abortion.

My point is keep your baby if it's what you really want because YOU are the one that has to live with the consequences. I'm pretty sure that this guy won't stand by you for long if you had an abortion for him.

Good luck