His got a new perfect girlfriend

[lovejoy]

I can't shake this feeling. I got dumped when I was 5 weeks pregnant with my second baby. Their dad moved away to another country and didn't even come to see our new baby when she was born. He had a lot of excuses because he suffers from depression amongst other things.

He family made the effort to come and visit the our two kids and I said he can come but he decline and went around telling people I was stopping him. When he dumped me, then sent me a lot of threatening and abusive messages, which is weird coz he dumped me,but I changed my phone number because I was pregnant and couldn't take no more.We have mutual friends and I haven't moved so he could always reach me for the kids.We had arrangements with the kids, but he broke them ,said it was all my terms and his not being controlled by me etc I told him pick what day he wants but he wanted to come and go when he pleased etc.


Now our baby is 9 months and still hasn't met him. His got a new career grr when we were together I tried everything to get him to do something, anything and he refused and now his training to be a sky diving instructor. His new girlfriend is perfect for him too, she's into science like him and training to be a doctor, she has a son and he always wanted a boy, she throws parties and just seems great. I saw it on facebook, I only looked to see his sky diving photos and saw more then I bargined for. He made me feel rubbish about not having loads of friends and being able to have big fancy parties. In the beginning of our relationship we did things together , then I felt like he just disappeared. I was with the baby and he was out with whoever doing whatever. The new girlfriend is a student doctor so must be smart, I just feel like the poor sad single mum on benefits. I'm re training in september but compared to them I look like a no body. I've been getting out the house more but I haven't met anyone nice in terms of dating.

I feel awful and I hate facebook it's hard not to look now

 

[Dezireey]

You are not a nobody, so stop telling yourself that. His 'perfect' girlfriend is welcome to him, is she aware that she is involved with a man who abandons his own kids and is not man enough to help and support a pregnant girlfriend? ( regardless of wanting to be in a relationship with the mother or not, he should be a 'man' and be honourable) She and him may have a good life in your eyes but the truth is that she is unwittingly involved with a man, who, when the shit hits the fan, he bails. Don't worry, when the honeymoon period is over he will show his true colours and be equally cruel to her in some way. Aren't you glad that you escaped that?

C'mon, no-one wants to really be with a man who can leave you when you are pregnant and then never see their own child, you are SO better off hun. I loved my FOB with all my heart, still do, but he is awful as a person and good riddance to him. I want a happy life not one full of misery just because I miss a man who I had feelings for. Rather spend a lifetime alone than back with my FOB loser making me miserable. That's the truth and it just takes time to get over it all hun, so give yourself time okay

now stop looking at his facebook ever again. Get on with your lovely life with your beautiful kids who have a wonderful mummy and do things, bit by bit that make you feel great. You will meet a great guy who will love you and your children.Llike my LO, your baby will never miss what he never had ( his Dad) so your kids will be fine and they will love YOU like no-one else. Your ex misses out on that, and he will have two kids in the world, his own flesh and blood, who will not give a toss about him because he left them and couldn't be bothered to be decent or kind to their Mother.

I would rather your life than his anyday, he doesn't have a great life at all!

hugs xx

 

[daneuse27]

I was going to make the same point that Dezireey did. This woman may seem 'perfect' to you, but whether she knows it or not, she's involved with a man who has turned his back on his own children. I could never accept a "man" like that. Does she realize that your children exist and that he wants little to do with him? If she's aware and somehow thinks thats ok, then it speaks volumes about her. I think you should make sure that he's paying his child maintenance; if he can afford to party with her then he can afford to pay you. Im sorry that hes such a douche, but as Dezireey said - you're not 'nobody' you're a martyr and a hero to these kids Don't let anyone tell/make you feel different!

 

[lovejoy]

I'm not sure if she knows, coz I said he can call our oldest who he hasn't seem for over a year, he messaged saying thanks he can't wait etc but then said he can't call until Monday(today) but I offer this over a week ago. If I hadn't seen my kids in that long I'd be on the phone straight away. If she does know his told her a pack of lies I guarantee that I'm a devil woman who won't let him see the kids.He told his parents not to come at xmas coz I'd call the police?
Seeing them just reminds me of how we were,sigh, but I know stop looking at facebook, it's hard when you discover something not to look.
I was hoping that I'd come out on top, since I was pregnant and dumped, seems a bit unfair.

 

[Dezireey]

You have come out on top, by miles. You must start looking at things differently. You are a better human being ( would you, if you were a man not a woman, do what he has done? ) You will have two lovely children, which is such a blessing in life. You also possess a better character and better values than him. Trust me when I say that, with the attitude he has, what he is capable of ( not bothering with his children) he is worse off in life. Why? because people like that can't help treating 'people' ( not just you, everyone) like crap. One day its leaving his kids, another person he runs out on a business deal or another person is in a car accident and needs help and he has better things to do. People like your ex and most of the FOB's on this forum end up worse off. They can't help going through life pissing people off, they are beyond selfish.

For your children, you need to see that their life is better anyway without someone like that around.

 

[daneuse27]

Again I agree with Dezireey - Given his attitude and behaviour, I dont think you should be making offers to him to talk and have a relationship with his kids. HE should be offering. And since he doesnt, he should at least feel honoured and lucky that you're trying to initiate him talking to them, but instead he spits on it and doesn't bother. Thats incredibly low. Kids need to be loved unconditionally and they don't deserve to have someone in their life who lets them down. They're better off without this shallow, self-centred ass.

So he can have his gorgeous partying doctor to be, and her little son - to be honest, I feel sorry for his new girlfriend who seems to have a lot going for her that she's now attached to this scumbag. I believe she deserves better, and so do you. Be happy that YOU broke free from such a sad excuse for a man and are now able to raise your kids with love, and date whoever you want when the time comes and you feel ready. As I said before, he's NOT a man and I could never see him as one if I was dating him. He's a loser, and he doesn't deserve your beautiful children.

 

[Ceejay123]

Honey at some point she will realise who he is and what he's done to his child. She will only have heard one side of the story, and awful as it is... if you tried to tell her the other half, she'd think you were the bitchy ex. Let her live in her happy bubble for now, the honeymoon phase will end and she will see the two sides. Its very hard not to believe all the bad things you're told when you're in a relationship, by them/their family... But when things calm down, you get to make your own opinion.
She will question why you and him are on bad terms... Just make sure that when he says how much of a cow you are/blah... He has no leg to stand on because youre doing nothing wrong. x

 

[lovejoy]

Honey at some point she will realise who he is and what he's done to his child. She will only have heard one side of the story, and awful as it is... if you tried to tell her the other half, she'd think you were the bitchy ex. Let her live in her happy bubble for now, the honeymoon phase will end and she will see the two sides. Its very hard not to believe all the bad things you're told when you're in a relationship, by them/their family... But when things calm down, you get to make your own opinion.
She will question why you and him are on bad terms... Just make sure that when he says how much of a cow you are/blah... He has no leg to stand on because youre doing nothing wrong. x

Don't worry I have no plans to contact her to inform her of his ways, as I know it would make me look like a nutbag and I'm sure she'll find out on her own. I was only facebook stalking her coz of him, but I've stopped hopefully for good.

I know all you guys are right but I didn't expect to care also much especially with the way it ended so terribly. I guess I thought no one would want him or I'd meet someone amazing first and he'd die miserable and alone lol.

 

[blamesydney]

Look, any girl that is with a man that doesn't care too see his children (and even if he's saying you're keeping them from him, he could at least FIGHT to see them) is a loser anyways, and he is too. Girls that would get with a man like that blow my mind. How stupid could you get.

 

[Dezireey]

I remember when I was single and in my twenties and I dated a man for a month......until I found out it was not his ex partner keeping him away from his kids, he just didn't want to know them. I dumped him and told him 'no way did I want to be involved with someone who wanted nothing to do with his own children'. Tells you a GREAT DEAL about a man if he does that, as a lot of us on here, very well know, as we are privy to the truth of men like this.

So, as Blamessydeney said, they are both losers, as any decent woman who finds out or knows he has kids, will question why they aren't coming over or at least why he isn't going to see them a lot. So yeah, she is a tool and so is he!

 

[lovejoy]

I want to die, I was doing so well and heard they're going on holiday, so like a good addicted I look on her facebook and saw a photo of both of them all smiles with the capture the big trip hope it goes well.

Why her grr,seems like she's changed him for the better and his so happy in the new country etc he came to the uk for me and was miserable the whole time about everything. Said he was going to call the kids today and didn't. Said he can't come over for about 2 months but has time to go on holiday with this girl? I hope to god he doesn't bring her to the uk when he comes to see the kids.
They've been together two months I bet they get engaged soon. My mum said she looks like me in terms of figures and we seem to be similar in personality that's why I keep thinking why her, she's like the better version of me. I feel like screaming, he doesn't know I know any of this either.
I feel like asking her to close her post so I can't see them because every time I think I won't look after a few days or a week I check in and I'm crying again. The way they are just reminds me of how we once was but his treating her a lot better and maybe after all my nagging his got help and improved himself for someone else's

 

[daneuse27]

So your FOB lives in a different country? Where does he live and where did he go with this woman on vacation? It almost sounds like he moved there to be with her. Are you positive hes only known her 2 months?

I hope he's paying you child support. If he has the funds to travel, then he has money to support his kids!

What a jerk. Remember what blamessydney and dezirrey said - if she's dating him knowing he's abandoned his kids, then she's just as much of a loser as he is.

 

[Dezireey]

Stop looking on facebook hun! Honestly, facebook is the devil when it comes to relationships. Stop torturing yourself and keep strong!

Try to look at him and your relationship from a different perspective. If you are totally convinced she is amazing and he has changed for the better ( he truly hasn't but this seems to occupy your thoughts) then see it as just incompatibility. in all honesty, my FOB hinted a lot at liking younger women and women who were into heavy metal and had tattoos. That is probably who he is better suited to, so if I hear of him being with someone like that, I'll just think ' oh well, yeah, they have more in common than we did' Even if she is drop dead gorgeous, that is what I will think. i know my worth now and my value after being with that tool. You should do the same and know that in all fairness you are above him and this other girl. You just can't see it but we can and we don't even know you? food for thought.

 

[lovejoy]

So your FOB lives in a different country? Where does he live and where did he go with this woman on vacation? It almost sounds like he moved there to be with her. Are you positive hes only known her 2 months?

I hope he's paying you child support. If he has the funds to travel, then he has money to support his kids!

What a jerk. Remember what blamessydney and dezirrey said - if she's dating him knowing he's abandoned his kids, then she's just as much of a loser as he is.

The first time we broke up he went to bulgaria to "clear his head" he first had a ticket and couldn't go so he went. He came break we were together for a while then ended. He was in London and discovered he like skydiving and then moved to bulgaria in Jan this year, because it's cheaper to do courses there. He was shagging about until he met her. When I read her facebook she is like me, but with a bit more going on and very in to him,towards the end I was not. He mum spend a small amount of child support each month as she's upset with him just leaving the kids. CSA couldn't chase him because he never register in any country.

 

[lovejoy]

Stop looking on facebook hun! Honestly, facebook is the devil when it comes to relationships. Stop torturing yourself and keep strong!

Try to look at him and your relationship from a different perspective. If you are totally convinced she is amazing and he has changed for the better ( he truly hasn't but this seems to occupy your thoughts) then see it as just incompatibility. in all honesty, my FOB hinted a lot at liking younger women and women who were into heavy metal and had tattoos. That is probably who he is better suited to, so if I hear of him being with someone like that, I'll just think ' oh well, yeah, they have more in common than we did' Even if she is drop dead gorgeous, that is what I will think. i know my worth now and my value after being with that tool. You should do the same and know that in all fairness you are above him and this other girl. You just can't see it but we can and we don't even know you? food for thought.

I just feel trapped in time, the closure wasn't really there. His been single a while not so his allowed to be with someone else. I was pregnant so not dating etc. Baby is 9 months now and I'm just getting my body back and going out again. And praying I get the nursery funding from college so I can do my course. The new girl has similar things to be just better and more suited to him, he likes being around loads of people and having a girls admire him etc. She's a uni student and so has everyone from the university on her facebook. One thing that's weird is she has a son, but is always partying and is on holiday with my ex alone? But maybe the kids with his dad because she's studying.
It's one of those things, I wish them all the best, but why didn't he change for us and why couldn't I be happy first .
He said some nasty things at the end which suck, maybe they where a tiny bit true. He said people always leave me, I'm boring etc I pushed him away. He said his gonna be out there until the end of the year because of his work commitments. I hope they don't move to the uk together. They'll probably be engaged soon.

 

[Dezireey]

One thing that's weird is she has a son, but is always partying and is on holiday with my ex alone? But maybe the kids with his dad because she's studying.

I think this says it all.

Read back on your posts sweetie and you will find that you have inadvertently described to us, two very selfish and unkind people.

My son would have to be 18 or over in order for me to choose a man over him to go on holiday with. Says a lot about her in my opinion. You will realise one day, when you feel better, that you are better off without this man.

 

[lovejoy]

When does it stop hurting. I don't want to talk to friends about it too much because they'll get bored of hearing and think I'm nuts for going on her facebook, which I know is crazy. Also because he hurt me so much,I don't want to be down on the new girl because it's not her fault he was crap with me.

Anyway I'll try to get over it, I just wish it was easier for me to let go.

 

[daneuse27]

Remember that most people's facebooks are not an accurate depiction of their life. Most people only post the cream of the crop of their life occurrences on there, so there is likely a lot more to this woman's life that you're not seeing. Im not trying to encourage you to pass judgment on her, as I dont think that approach is very healthy. And also, as you said, we don't know for sure that she's at any fault here. But: medical school is extremely tough and very demanding; its definitely not about partying. You don't know for sure that she's doing well in school or will indeed becoming a high paid doctor. You don't know for sure that she's a good mom or that she raises her son well (as dezireey said, definitely doesn't look good that she takes off to go travelling with some guy she just met) and most importantly, you don't know if her relationship with your ex will last. I'm almost certain it won't. I think by the sounds of it, he's in lust with her because of how she comes across and presents herself. The novelty will wear off eventually for both of them and they probably don't have anything solid that's going to keep them together. The fact that its all happened so quickly only makes me think this even more.

All you really know is the small puzzle pieces that Facebook stalking can give you, and you're putting the rest of the puzzle together with your assumptions and imagination. I know its hard, but try to stop. It isn't doing you any good, and it isn't going to change the outcome for them.

I believe that if your ex does settle down with this woman, it may benefit you because he will have to eventually register as living somewhere and thats when you can send CSA after him.

You're not boring; you're brave, courageous, and an amazing mom. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not a loser like him.

 

[blamesydney]

When does it stop hurting. I don't want to talk to friends about it too much because they'll get bored of hearing and think I'm nuts for going on her facebook, which I know is crazy. Also because he hurt me so much,I don't want to be down on the new girl because it's not her fault he was crap with me.

Anyway I'll try to get over it, I just wish it was easier for me to let go.

It stops hurting when you decide to let it stop hurting. FOB did this same thing to me and got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up while I was still pregnant, 3 months to be exact. I didn't "get out there" until my daughter was 6 months old, and at this point, he had already gotten said girlfriend pregnant as well (I did tooooons of facebook stalking as well). I tried my hand at dating and I just couldn't be "into" anyone else, and just as soon as I'd given up, I ended up hanging out with a friend of 3 years, and as of now we're very much in love, me, him, and my daughter. Trust me, it gets better!

 

[lovejoy]

I give up with the dating thing, I got stood up yesterday. This guy arranged to me up with me via text and then did a no show. I can't be bothered anymore leave them to it. I'm just gonna try and go out have fun so I'm not home on the computer.