His Mom wants to visit our 4 mo old on Sunday yet its peak of flu season..?!

[HSDR2017]

Our son was stillborn in Sept 2016, it was hell at 33 weeks and his mom had our sons' death certificate mailed to her house, then opened it and showed it to my fiance before I even knew it was there. She basically tried to say a placental abruption could be caused by smoking but I fell on thw stairs and I know that is how I lost my son. Regardless, she wouldn't even let me go to holidays with my fiance who Ive been with for 7 years. I knew when I got pregnant again she would all of a sudden care and apologize.

Ive let her see our daughter only 3-4 times since she was born Oct. 9th. I just found out my fiance - her son - got drunk and had sex with a girl from the bar on 1/5/18. I texted his mom and told her what he did and she didn't respond. My fiance and I are working it out and if he cheats again i'm gone. His mother apparently asked if she could come visit us this Sunday... why now?

Its the peak of flu season, his sister lives with her and so does his sisters 4 or 5 year old daughter and I know kids are always sick. Why does she all of a sudden want to come visit our daughter?

Would you wait til after flu season?

What would make her ask now especially knowing her son cheated on the 5th and she really hasnt talked to us at all?

I know she is manipulative but I feel like she is trying to start a fight between us again because she knows how I am about our daughter getting sick and she knows we just went through alot of fighting because he cheated..? Any insight or advice?

 

[MindUtopia]

I think your issues are bigger than flu season and you need to sort that out within your relationship. So long as someone didn't have the flu or any obvious flu symptoms, I wouldn't have a problem with them visiting, especially at 4 months. I might feel differently if baby was 1-2 weeks old. I'm due any day and my mum is coming to stay with us for a week when baby is about 6 weeks old. She's not had the flu jab this year as she refuses to get it. If she had flu symptoms, I would tell her not to come. But a part from that, you can't live in a bubble and you probably have more risk of contracting flu going out to do the food shopping each week. But it sounds like your issues are more around trust with your fiance then his mum and I would focus on that. If it feels like too much given all that's going on in your relationship right now, you can always ask him to postpone her visit until things are a bit less stressful.

 

[Natasha2605]

I think your issues are bigger than flu season and you need to sort that out within your relationship. So long as someone didn't have the flu or any obvious flu symptoms, I wouldn't have a problem with them visiting, especially at 4 months. I might feel differently if baby was 1-2 weeks old. I'm due any day and my mum is coming to stay with us for a week when baby is about 6 weeks old. She's not had the flu jab this year as she refuses to get it. If she had flu symptoms, I would tell her not to come. But a part from that, you can't live in a bubble and you probably have more risk of contracting flu going out to do the food shopping each week. But it sounds like your issues are more around trust with your fiance then his mum and I would focus on that. If it feels like too much given all that's going on in your relationship right now, you can always ask him to postpone her visit until things are a bit less stressful.

Completely agree with this. The issues are bigger than just the flu season.

To answer that though, no as long as she doesn’t have flu I wouldn’t stop her. You can’t just not go out or not see people just because it’s flu season - it’s just not realistic.

 

[second.time]

If you don't feel comfortable having visitors during flu season, that's up to you, although I agree that you can't live in a bubble. All you can do is get the flu shot (if age appropriate), wash hands a lot, etc. I have a 5-year-old son who's always smooching and hugging my baby, and a lot of babies have older siblings who live with them full-time, so it's not realistic to cut your baby off from all contact with older kids.

But it sounds like there's a lot going on here, a lot of unresolved pain and conflict. Hopefully your MIL will respect that things are tough right now and try to be supportive and loving, not create more problems for you during a delicate time.

She could be visiting because she's worried that your relationship is facing challenges and she wants to bond with the baby before you two split up? Or maybe she wants to offer help/support? It's truly terrible that she tried to guilt you for something so painful and outside your control, but perhaps she has more innocent motivations this time?

 

[Zephram]

Definitely agree that the issue here doesn’t really seem to be flu season. If she’s not sick then you don’t have anything to worry about illness wise - you can’t hide in a bubble because it’s flu season.

You sound like you’re not in a very happy place right now, I hope you’ve got some support around you to help you through.