Home Birth Partner? And babysitter?

[Geo2]

I'm planning a home birth but I'm not sure what to do about my birth partner and need a babysitter for my 4 year old. Unfortunately my (ex) partner isn't allowed at the birth. Its a real shame that, but have made that really hard decision because of the way he's treated me, in my heart I want him there, but my head says no, be careful, I wouldn't want him in my house, especially if my mum's there (they dont get on at all to put it mildly) Perhaps if we were in the midwife unit it would be ok, but on leaving to go home, I wouldn't want him to come with me, and I have a feeling he would never stand for that and he may cause a really bad situation! I always wanted a home birth so I'm going ahead with it anyway, for many reasons - I live quite a distance from the hospital and dont drive, so it would mean either sitting on bus for an hour lol or paying around 20 pounds for taxi, there and back! The transfer time by ambulance however, my midwife tells me is around 20 mins.
My mum was my birth partner last time in the hosp/midwife unit and that went well, but this time Ive asked her to take care of my 4 year old daughter, which she agrees to. A female friend of mine, who is also a friend of the father has offered to be my birth partner. So thats a total of 3 ppl in my flat already, with the addition of a midwife, and then a 2nd midwife later, so thats a total of 5 ppl in my small flat, plus me. Seems rather oveerwhelming to me! I think we'll be struggling to breathe!
My labour was very long last time so I'm expecting this time to be the same.

Would it be acceptable just to have my mum as caring for my daughter and be the birth partner??

Then I ask the question, in the event I have to be transferred to hosp, my mum would be there taking care of my daughter, so wouldn't be able to come with me, maybe in that situation I could call my female friend to come to the hosp, but that would mean, if she wasn't already at my house, she would have to make her own way to the hosp, she doesn't have a car either and it would take her some time to arrive. What should I do?
Sorry for the long post, I'm thinking our loud!

 

[Feronia]

I'm planning to have my birth partner (husband) concentrate on me 100% and then a female friend of mine who had a home birth to be on call to watch DD if she needs it. Maybe your 4-year old will be okay with everything going on? I'm preparing my daughter with home birth books and videos ahead of time, but if she needs one on one attention, I'll call my friend. My midwife said that it's nice to have someone available for one-on-one care for each child during a home birth.

Also, I had my daughter in a 1-bedroom apartment and we had 2 midwives, a student midwife, and my husband and I really didn't notice any overcrowding.

 

[BunnyN]

I had a long labour last time and found having my own space important to relax. Every time I got distracted labour slowed down. I don't want lots of people there so we've decided to keep LO, who will be 20 months, about until its too much and then call family to come and pick her up. A lot will depend how much she is getting in the way and how much I need support from OH. Some women prefer to do most of labour on their own anyway and don't need more than the MWs there. How much did you find your mums support helped last time? If you feel you need a birth partner that is there just for you it seems like you will need someone else. OH did spend a lot of time rubbing my back, getting me drinks etc last time. The MW was also willing to help with those things but it was more bother to have to explain things to her.

 

[RaspberryK]

I'm hoping that I'll birth at night again and ds will be asleep, if not we will get a babysitter to collect him if I need that.
Xx

 

[Geo2]

Thanks, just read all your replies, i think my friend would be a really good person to be there for me, as she is also a therapist, does massage etc, and that would really help keep my relaxed when in labour.

 

[Geo2]

At least having my mum there too, to look after dd, if I need a transfer to hosp I wouldnt be going alone, and if my dd decides she doesnt want to stay her gran could take her away, hoping none of these things happen, but best to have that option. More the merrier lol!

 

[zilla]

I had my LO this week, and my contractions initially started at 4am - 10am. We got DS picked up at 9.30, by 10am my contractions had gone from being every 5 minutes to disappearing completely.
OH went to pick up DS at 4pm as had nothing between 10am-4pm and we thought it was just a false alarm.
As soon as OH got home with DS, contractions started again every 10 minutes and DD was born 5 hours later!
For me, not having my son at home made me worry and stopped my labour.
If we do end up having any more, I will keep both LOs at home as I was obviously more relaxed with him there.
When my contractions first returned, I sat in the bath and OH sat with DS watching Tangled (lol), but as soon as things really got going, DS went to bed and didn't stir all night. It was so lovely being able to grab him and bring him into our bedroom and show him his new baby sister!

 

[BunnyN]

Thanks for the input zilla. Its great to hear from someone who has personal experience.