Hope for healing

[momwithbabies]

I lost my baby back in April, so I'm dreading the year anniversary coming up. Could we just skip the month of April altogether???

I'm trying to work through my grief more. I bought a charm for my charm bracelet with November's birthstone. My baby should be almost 4 months now. I'm saddened when I think about how I'll never hold my baby. How I'll never know what his cry sounded like. How his skin would have smelled - that angelic smell. There's nothing better than meeting your baby, face to face, skin to skin, for the first time.

It's amazing how such a tiny, little thing can break you. But I'm going up against Mother Nature - I was created to love and cherish my children. I pray God hears my cry and begins to heal these wounds. I don't know how to piece myself together sometimes. Lord, help me.

 

[flou]

I am sorry for your loss and anniversaries are never easy. The pain will ease but you never forget. I have had two losses before having my rainbow. My first baby should have been due on my birthday but I lost my angel at 6 weeks. That birthday I was determined to enjoy and myself and DH went away for a few days to celebrate my birthday. It was bittersweet. When it came to my would have been due date with my second angel I was pg with my DS and I felt so humble. And I felt very humble when on the anniversary of my second loss I heard my rainbows heartbeat at my 26 week appointment. Every year I have a little cry on the anniversary of both my losses. And like you I also had a little charm bracelet, that has only two charms and I wear it all the time. I hope your pain eases soon.

 

[momwithbabies]

Thank you, so much. I'm sorry for your losses. It helps to hear from someone who has gone through this.

Do you think your rainbow baby helped you heal? I have two kids, 10 and 8. I've wanted a 3rd child for the past 6 years. It took us 5 years to conceive the one I lost.

I'm asking because my husband thinks I want another baby just because I had a miscarriage. He also doesn't understand why I still cry and wants to help me, but admits he doesn't know what to do. I told him I'm grieving and he just needs to be there, but he doesn't want to have sex with me around my fertile time anymore. It saddens and angers me that he does this, but then he wants me other times of my cycle. This creates tension and I have sworn off sex basically. I feel it's not fair. So what if I still want a baby and am still grieving. Do you have any advice? Sorry to throw all of that at you.

 

[flou]

Its perfectly natural to want to have that desire to conceive after a miscarriage. I know I did. It took us a while to conceive the first time, 19 months. Then tried straight away and took another 11 months, then the second loss. Tried again straight away and managed to conceive in 7 months. To cope with the disappointment of not getting pg for so long, then to lose your little one is bound to take its toll on you emotionally. My DH was a rock to me but he didn't fully understand what it was like for me for all those years. All I wanted was to be a mum. Each month we tried and didn't catch I felt like a failure. As a mum you love your little bean as soon as you get a bfp. You make sacrifices straight away by avoiding certain foods, not drinking alcohol etc. And that's why I think it is difficult for women to cope with the feelings associated with a loss. It is a bereavement. But I don't believe my wanting to conceive after my loss was me replacing my two little angels but my desire to move on from my loss. Having DS after my two losses has definitely changed the type of mother I am to him. And he can never replace the ones I lost but he has helped me heal because he gave me hope. If I hadn't had those two losses then I might not have had the little man I have today. So I do believe it all happened for a reason. In terms of advice I think you should talk very openly to your husband about your want for a third child and what how you have felt since losing your baby. It could be that your husband is trying to protect you from getting hurt again. And he is probably hurting too. Maybe take some time to heal, it does get easier with time. Or keep trying for another. Whichever feels right to you as a couple. If you do try for a third little one, I hope you get your rainbow soon. I know I would go through all that pain again, if I had to for another just like my little one. Good luck! Sorry for the ramble but I hope it helps!

 

[momwithbabies]

Thank you, so much! I never thought about my husband wanting to protect me. That helps my anger a little bit. I tend to think he believes I'm crazy, but I think it goes back to how he doesn't fully understand. It doesn't help that we've both been irritable with our crazy-busy jobs and everything else. Maybe I'll talk to him about it tonight.

I can identify with how things are different after a loss. I realize the two children I have are blessings and I love them so much. I also don't stress out at work as much, knowing there are worse things in life. I know things happen for a reason, but some days my grief takes its toll - especially since I have to keep it together 99% of the time.

Thank you so much for listening to me! I hope you and your family enjoy your week!