Hospital visitors

[Kirsty3051]

So in our nightly baby discussion OH has mentioned that he doesn't want family visiting us while we're still at the hospital. He feels like it should just be the two of us handling and bonding with our baby for the first few days. I'm trying to respect his request but it seems crazy. I feel bad knowing that I have to tell our families they'll have to wait. This is the first grandchild for his parents and I know his mum won't take it well. I've suggested having only the close members of each side of the family visit and then taking a couple of days to ourselves once we get home but he's having none of it.

Were any of you in a similar situation? How did/would you handle it?

 

[MummytoLouie]

Hello lovely, wow your so organised I think with my first we didn't have this conversation until a week before I was due! haha

My husband just wanted it to be us as well, but my mum did come in with my sister and his mum ended up coming in. I was high as a kite on drugs and my mum burst into tears cos I looked like a drug addict...lol... so next time she is coming up after haha...

 

[Mummy to be x]

I wouldn't like that, but this is just my opinion. When i had my daughter we let family come and visit, they'd only stay for a matter of ten twenty minutes, just to give gifts, congratulate and have a cuddle with baby but all in all it was lovely.

I suppose this is one of those things where everyone will feel differently about the situation. I hope you manage to come to some agreement

 

[Kirsty3051]

Hello lovely, wow your so organised I think with my first we didn't have this conversation until a week before I was due! haha

My husband just wanted it to be us as well, but my mum did come in with my sister and his mum ended up coming in. I was high as a kite on drugs and my mum burst into tears cos I looked like a drug addict...lol... so next time she is coming up after haha...

I have a list of lists that I need to make haha! We've already bought everything for the hospital bag, minus bean's clothes. Is it a tad obvious this is our first?

I'm hoping to go drug free, but again, this is our first and that's probably far from realistic! Hopefully he'll come round. But maybe it would be best to wait if I'm going to look like a drug addict lol! Xx

 

[MummytoLouie]

Hello lovely, wow your so organised I think with my first we didn't have this conversation until a week before I was due! haha

My husband just wanted it to be us as well, but my mum did come in with my sister and his mum ended up coming in. I was high as a kite on drugs and my mum burst into tears cos I looked like a drug addict...lol... so next time she is coming up after haha...

I have a list of lists that I need to make haha! We've already bought everything for the hospital bag, minus bean's clothes. Is it a tad obvious this is our first?

I'm hoping to go drug free, but again, this is our first and that's probably far from realistic! Hopefully he'll come round. But maybe it would be best to wait if I'm going to look like a drug addict lol! Xx

Wow you are so organised honey.. don't do too much now or near the end you will be pulling your hair out haha xxx


My mum just didn't like me seeing me look poorly.. she said I looked so young.. made her cry haha...

I wanted no drugs and ended up having anything.. turn's out I am a bit of a wimp lol.... plus had awful back labour!

He will come round and once the baby is here he will want to show it off to the world.. promise xxx

 

[Angelbaby_01]

With DD we had friends over at hospital, but family had a fight in our house (long story) so we decided NO FAMILY this time. We will let DD come visit the few days in hospital and then we would like to settle into our routine. After baby is 6 weeks old and got his/her vaccinations then we will go visit the family - they live about 1400km's from us.

 

[rtracey80]

think it depends how long your in for. if a normal delivery you will be home within a few hours so cant really see the point of family coming up to see you in the hospital. But if your in for a few days i cant see why family cant come visit

 

[sethsmummy]

Ds1 (forever delivery) my family all came in to hospital when he was 2 days old and met me at home as I was allowed home that night. Dhs family came the next day

Ds2 (section) my mum brought ds1 in as soon as I was allowed visitors, my dad came after work and then my sister came that night and the next. Mum and dad came the next night too. Once I got home we allowed no visitors for a week so ds1 could get used to baby. Dhs family met him at a few months this old. ( they live over 100 miles away)

This baby will hopefully be a vbac. My friend is going to be my birth partner, depending on how things go no one will be visiting at hospital and hopefully ill get home the same day. If it's another section or I have to stay in after natural Dh and the boys will be first to visit (if they can't get in to visit then nobody will be allowed in) and after that my sister and parents and possibly another friend. Again once were home ds1 will need time to adjust and get used to baby so nobody will be allowed to visit for a few days. I have to be very careful and make sure ds1 understands its his.New brother/sister etc before others are allowed in as he has special needs and people cooing all over baby can be hard for him. Although he took it great with ds2 but everyone was made to acknowledge him first before going to baby.

If you really want your family to visit asap that's up to you hun. Tell Dh to make a compromise. I.e nobody that first day but they can come for.an hour or so on the second day. If he doesn't want his family to visit then that's really up to him but he should.be the one to tell them

 

[madseasons]

When I had DS, I had only my DH and my MIL there with me. My parents are on the other side of the country. After having him, I had a strict no visitors or callers policy being that I had a traumatic birth (2 weeks of contractions, 2.5 hours of pushing, emergency Cesarian, I burn off anesthesia (epidural) fast, so felt some of the surgery.....ect.)

I was in a lot of pain and I can get quite mean when I am in pain and healing (I need space). DH also had a work injury so a majority of the whole four days was just me and DS bonding by ourselves. I was in heaven!

This time, I am hoping for a VBAC, so I won't be in the hospital that long so the family again can wait for me to get home to visit.

I want that initial time after the birth for me, the baby and DH again, BUT this time, I want my son to also have this time with the new baby, without his huge family fanfare! (they drive me nuts)

Side note: DH's sister learned the code to still call my room when I had DS, even with the block on! I was SO mad, the second time she called I told DH to tell her if she calls ONE MORE TIME....she will be the last to see him! hahahaha (Again, I am mean when I am in pain!)

 

[WelshOneEmma]

I think you need to find a way to compromise, like someone said, maybe visitors on the second day?

I must admit, it didn't bother me and i dont think i had much of a choice! I had my mum and DH with me, then when baby was born they both followed her to SCBU and left me alone, numb from the neck down!!!

DD was brought to me 6 hours later and then later that day my mum, dad and sister came to visit. But I dont think they stayed long. They did the same on the second day and i was released later that night.

The biggest ball ache for me was after we got home. Was about 10.30pm on a saturday night when we left the hospital and my mum, dad, sister, BIL and nephew and niece turned up at 9am on the Sunday and stayed most of the day. We had tons of visitors that day. I was knackered!!

However I did like having my parents there most days after as they did so much to help us, cooking, cleaning etc (and it was just before christmas) and watching the baby whilst i slept.

Just point out to your hubby this is a new family member too and people just want to help as they know how hard it is the first few weeks. I spent my first Christmas day with DD (she was 4 days old) sleeping whilst my mum watched her! was lovely!!

 

[AP]

I hope you can come to a compromise.
We never got that far in making arrangements when our first daughter arrived. Deep down I wanted my mum.

But, when it happened, I realised being just us was something very special, it was like we were in a little bubble of our own just for a while, the outside world didnt matter. When we had our second we decided to do the same. I went as far as banning visitors for the first week!

It may be worthwhile considering how you might be feeling after delivering. Visitors might want to cuddle baby and it can get a bit tiresome for you all.

 

[ajlj1126]

I don't know how it is where you live, but when I had DD they only kept us there for 24 hours after I had her.
I didn't want anyone there while I was in labor or pushing. It was just me and DH and my aunt (who is like my mother) there during labor and delivery.

After I had the baby, DH & I slept while the nurses looked after DD and the next morning all I wanted was a shower and to learn to breastfeed her and bond with her, and then we were being discharged. So we really didn't even have the chance to have people there, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was lovely getting used to our new family dynamic, and it was so quiet and peaceful with just us.

 

[Kirsty3051]

I'm coming around to OH's way of thinking after reading some of your responses. Short visits from family members the next day sounds nice but I'm happy to just wait and see how things turn out xx

 

[londonangel]

I told my family and hubby's family that no way could they come to the hospital. I was really strict about it. A few hours before I was discharged, who turned up? My parents! When I told my mum I'd said no visitors, she said 'I told your dad that, but he wasn't taking no for an answer - he's not even that interested in seeing the baby, but he wanted to see you - he was really worried about you'.

I had a difficult delivery as I had retained placenta and had to have surgery and I think I freaked out my dad as when I'd called the day before I was still woozy from all the drugs I'd been given and I don't think I sounded normal - which worried him!

I'd tell them you'd prefer them not to come, if your hubby feels strongly about it - but they may just ignore your wishes!

 

[qe76]

when i had my first son 20 years ago... we didn't have facebook- can you tell your family that you will update and post pics on fb but you will not have visitors till you are home? It's just not necessary this day in age for everyone to be at the hospital anymore. I think most family just want to be there for you but if you tell them its ok to wait they will be fine- put your husband in charge of the updates- gives him something to do and less stress for you-
I dont know how Im going to feel when Im in labor but I told my DH to post vids! not of the end part lol All his fam is in the UK and I want them to feel apart of it.

 

[RaspberryK]

We were only in hospital 3 hours I can't imagine being in overnight or longer. Thankfully I'm booked in for homebirth.
I wish we hadn't done the visitor thing in the first few days except for my dying grandmother who we visited the day after he was born.
I was knackered and everyone wanted to hold him and it didn't help breastfeeding or our bond.
This time I'm staying in bed for 5 days with practically no visitors.
Xx

 

[Kirsty3051]

I like the Facebook idea. We both have accounts but rarely use them so that could work The more I think about it, the more I change my mind. I want everybody to be able to enjoy our new addition, but want myself and OH to bond first. I'm not sure xx

 

[ajlj1126]

I like the Facebook idea. We both have accounts but rarely use them so that could work The more I think about it, the more I change my mind. I want everybody to be able to enjoy our new addition, but want myself and OH to bond first. I'm not sure xx

I told people who were disappointed that the baby is not going to change much between the time she's born and the time I bring her home. It's really not about their feelings, it's about what you want. Some people really need someone else there with them besides OH, some don't. Don't let anyone else make the decision for you!

 

[lynnikins]

I'm planning a home burth and it will be 48hrs before I get up and start getting back to it around the house and visitors will be a max of ten min visits for the first week other than Mil who will probably be around helping with the other kids

 

[Rickles]

My parents came briefly - mostly because I had a very traumatic birth and I think they wanted reassurance I was ok (ish).

No other family for a week while we all got to know each other. Then some friends and family.

TBH - I was exhausted and for me even a week wasn't long enough before friends turned up. Be prepared for the baby blues!! I gave birth on the Tuesday - On the Sat and Sun I could not stop sobbing - it's totally normal - luckily my mum was there to reassure OH and me but I could not handle anyone else being in the same room with me - I just sobbed nonstop.... By Monday I was absolutely fine!!! xx