HOW can they say they don't understand......

[jacky24]

All my friends even my cousin is pregnant... and im point blank refusing to go to any baby shower!!!!!! I will not set foot at another baby shower again....

But how come they actually have the nerve to ask me why???? I mean how can i go and sit there and OOOO and AAAA when i lost my full term baby.....

Maby im just being insensitive but is it just me but after such a loss people just don't get that those are the last things we want to go to right now!!!!!!!!

I have even said i will have a baby shower the day i walk out of the hospital with my baby.....

 

[sam's mum]

It's completely understandable that you wouldn't want to go and I can't believe people even need to ask you why?!

So sorry they're not being more understanding x

 

[fairywings]

I think that is very insensitive of them and can totally understand why you would not want to go. So sorry for your loss hun. x

 

[MrsJD]

Oh Jacky24, so sorry for your loss.

I too would do the same, people should understand why you feel this way and they should give you time.

 

[cupcake]

its completely understandable that you don't want to go. They are being quite insensitive to you and I am sorry. Maybe you can tell one good friend that you are just not ready to go to other peoples showers and could they spread the word, that you dont want to talk about it.

 

[susan_1981]

I completely understand what you are saying. You are going through extreme grief. I had a MMC at 7 weeks 2 days (found out at my 12 week scan) and I still find it hard to even see a stranger on the street who is pregnant. I can't even begin to imagine the grief you must feel. I was going to say that perhaps they don't understand your grief. Before I got pregnant (or started trying), I couldn't understand why people got upset over early miscarriages but I understand only too well now. But for people not to understand when you have gone full term is beyond me. I think anyone should be able to understand how you are feeling, especially as you say many of them are pregnant.

I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

 

[becky77]

so sorry for your loss it is completely understandable that you dont want to go, and i cant believe they asked you.My niece is pregnant and when she had her scan somebody shoved the scan pic under my nose which i did not want to see, and when is said i thought it was a little insensitive, they said they were not sure what to do and did not want to hide it from me either ,so i can understand not knowing what to do , but not then asking why, isnt that obvious. People should stop and think before they speak.
xx

 

[FierceAngel]

so sorry for your loss it is completely understandable that you dont want to go, and i cant believe they asked you.My niece is pregnant and when she had her scan somebody shoved the scan pic under my nose which i did not want to see, and when is said i thought it was a little insensitive, they said they were not sure what to do and did not want to hide it from me either ,so i can understand not knowing what to do , but not then asking why, isnt that obvious. People should stop and think before they speak.
xx

firstly hugs hun its understandable you wont want to attend anything like this xx

as above i can relate having had four previous m/cs and now currently 7 months pregnant.. my cousin lost her baby over the new year at 23 weeks. i asked others for advise as obviously i wanted to help but knew the last thing she would want to see is my bump alot of people told me not to exclude her from gatherings or avoid her as she would know why and this may upset her more... however if i did invite her somewere and she declined i wouldnt be insensitive and ask why!

agree with another poster too.. ask a close friend to mention it sensitivly

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[celine]

*hugs* Jax i cant beleive they dont get it...

 

[jen1604]

I think what youre saying is completely understandable,I would be exactly the same and I dont see why people dont get it. I agree with maybe telling a close friend and getting them to explain it.
Sending massive hugs to you honey xx

 

[jo_79]

so sorry for your loss

When i lost my daughter at 29 weeks people expected me to do things like that and i just couldnt - i completely understand where your coming from. In the end it got too much and i lost my temper with the certain people who were doing it to me. I think they were just so excited with their own situation they completely forgot what had just happened to me, but it shouldnt take for me to lose my temper over it for people to be a bit more sensitive.

 

[ellie]

i'm so sorry for you. i completely understand and would feel exactly the same. I'd agree that maybe asking a close friend to explain it might be an idea - but it beggars belief that you should have to do that and that they wouldn't be a tiny bit sensitive to what you might be feeling anyway!!! But then I am finding that people generally are pretty insensitive .....
i had an early mc too and just like others i had no idea before why people might feel upset ... i definitely do now. although my mil was very supportive at the time, i keep thinking 'she's obviously forgotten all about it' as she often makes tactless comments (like at xmas saying 'its for kids really - well not for you' or something like that and talking in detail to my parents, who because of the mc dont have any grandchildren, about her friend who lost 2 babies some 30-40 years ago ....
i hope you can get it sorted without having to deal with people's thoughtlessness

 

[buffycat]

i guess this is one of those things that unless you've experienced it, then you can't know...

but then surely.....surely, after a full-term, people should at least try and empathise with you......if not, then, are they really a friend?

you need to do what is right for you though.......

take care....

 

[bklove]

I realize its really hard to be considerate without being in the situation, some people can, but most don't get it, and I would say don't blame them because they just don't know what it is to be in your shoes. Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes. You go to what you can handle, or stay home and take care of you, you know what works for you.

 

[angelstardust]

What really angers me (and I have not had a mc, I have a thread here somewhere) is that if you had been in a car crash and you said you couldn't face driving again, everyone would be sooo understanding. Bt people just don't 'get' the fact that pregnancy and what happens in pregnancy or during birth can be just as traumatic as what happens in a car crash.

I had PTSS after DS2 and people just didnt see why I was upset about it.

Anything traumatic happens to you and you get sympathy and understanding but not when it concerns reproduction. Funny old world huh?

 

[JASMAK]

I stopped going to all baby functions a long time ago. I don't even sit in restaurants next to babies that I don't even know. I can't handle it. I guess it is hard for people to put themselves in our shoes, so I just make stuff up...like I am busy or sick. I used to drop a present off at the door, but I don't even do that now. Just do what is best for you and try not to worry about them being offended.

 

[Drazic<3]

I cant beleive they dont get it.
Im so sorry for your loss sweety