How did you do it

[Agiboma]

Well I'm 2 weeks into the nicu experience and I miss my baby so much I visit him everyday i see the i.v needles etc that he gets I visit him and spend the day with him everyday. How did you ladies cope being away from your little one I have not even held him yet I'm so beside myself I just want my baby to give him all the love in the world

 

[nineena]

Hi Abigoma, we've just reached week 6 of being in NICU and will be here a while longer yet and surprisingly it does get easier, never thought i would say that after scoffing at people telling me exactly the same. I get up every morning and get there before Ella's feed then spend the majority of the day there, leaving only to attend appointments or eat etc. I miss her every second i'm not there and take so so so many pics every day, think we've gotten almost 200 now in the last 6wks lol. As for coping being away well i just try and do the things ive been neglecting by spending so much time at the hospital for example when hubby finishes work i come home from hospital, we have tea together and then go back up to the hospital for an hr or 2 then come home and put in a load of washing or do the hoovering or i'll come on here for a bit. Also recently started meeting up with friends again even if it's just for an hour.

Have the staff given any indication when you'll get to have a lil cuddle with Micah? I know its so difficult but hang on in there, Micah knows you love him with all that you are

Sending oodles of hugs xxxx

 

[Agiboma]

thanks for the advice, im gonna start preparing the house for his homecoming, i think it may help a bit

 

[25weeker]

To be honest when I look back now I wonder how I did do it. Even now my first few weeks are a bit of a blur but you gradually get yourself into a routine and it becomes in a weird way your normality which helps you cope. However some days will always be harder than others were it feels that bit more heartwrenching to leave.

I hope you get to hold Micah soon as that will really help along with doing his cares.

Take care

xx

 

[AP]

Im the same as 25 weeker. You are stronger than you think although you just can see it yet.

A song came on today that reminded me of when I had just had Alex in hospital. It was emotional, it was Gaga's Paparazzi, but it made me realise how hard it was then, but I got through it. It was second nature. I didnt know what a full term birth was like so i didnt know what I was missing.

You can do this babe!

 

[Laura2919]

My girls were in for 4 weeks.. It was hard but I looked at the postive.. I was able to recover from my c section and get some rest.. I know that its hard to look at it this way but he will be home..
When I got the girls home they were already into a great routine and I was well rested.

 

[embojet]

Molly was in for 7 weeks. It is hard isn't it . Hopefully you will find it gets easier. getting things ready at home is a good idea x

 

[Agiboma]

thanks ladies well im off to see him now, probably will stay till late evening

 

[New2Bumps]

Wishing you strength. I was on autopilot while Ethan was in neo (not in nicu though). I'd get into bed night and cry my heart out most times but it was easier when I was there in a way, just doing the routine and stuff. He was only in for a week but what helped us was getting to know the staff that cared for him when we weren't there, so that we didn't feel like we were missing as much. Hope you get a hug really soon from Micah xxx

 

[Anna_due Dec]

I know about the auto pilot thing. I swear i just emotionally shut down, did what was needed and prayed to get to the other side. Taylen was in for 10 weeks and Sebastian 5 weeks. I sometimes get emotional now over what happened, especially with Tay, even more so than i did then. I think its because now he is 4. I know him better and i hate the idea of what he went through even though it's over and he obviously doesn't remember. It's like a bad dream. I will probably go early again this time and all i can think is "not again". You do get there. Try not to shut down. I found because i did, i didn't bond so well with Taylen in the beginning (it's a different case now, i adore him) but with Seb i missed him and wanted to be there so much and when he came home i was soooooooooo happy. Prem mum's do it tough but i think we appreciate what we have and have a little more perspective of what really matters than some other people. In just a few weeks, you'll have a beautiful baby living with you, doing all the things new borns do, in that respect you don't miss much. You will get there.

 

[divadexie]

I think I was on autopilot too.
Anna was in hospital for 14 weeks. The beginning was the worst as it was just so scary!
I didnt get to hold her til she was 5 weeks, as I was only able to get to the hospital on weekends and mid week, and when they said she was ok to have a hug she ended up needing a transfusion one week and had a different nurse who said no anther week!

When i think about it, I have no idea how I managed it, I really don't!
I wouldnt have done it without OH, or our families though!

And having my 5yo and 2 dogs to take care of at home took my mind off it a bit.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

DD1 was in the NICU 2w. It was hard. Especially at first trying to figure everything out. I think once you get into the swing of the routine, it helps. Also resting! I know you didnt mention this, but if possible see a LC about breastfeeding/pumping. I think the Ped thought I was annoying, every morning " can she come home yet?". But when you see small milestones, it just melts your heart.

 

[Sherri81]

It does all seem a blur when I look back now. There were so many emotional ups and downs. We were in a hospital a good 12 hours away from our home, so it was worse in a way, as I had no friends there and no house to go to, no clothes etc... I was basically living in a hostel for the 6 weeks we were there. It was awful. We could only visit certain times of the day, and there were times when we were completely shut off from the NICU, even from getting updates, when a new baby was admitted. I don't know if its the same at other NICUs. There were days when they'd have 2 or 3 babies admitted, and we'd drive across town to see him, and they'd shut and lock the doors on us parents...

It helped to be allowed to do a bit of his care when he was about a week old. We started just being allowed to place our hands on him, and then we moved up to taking his temp. I held him for a few minutes when he was 1 week old, but then had to wait a bit to hold him again. They did encourage us to do Kangaroo Care as soon as he could tolerate even 5 minutes of it. That helped as well. I will admit that I feel I missed out on bonding with Greg. Of course I love him now, but I think we are missing that essential bond most parents get when they have a newborn.

He just didn't feel like ours. Here we were, new parents, and the hospital nurses were dictating what we could and could not do. They told us when we were touching him wrong, they knew when he was having a bad day, they knew what was best for him.... I didn't feel like his mom. I felt like a cow... literally and figuratively. All I did was pump and pump and pump, and I was fat like a cow... and out if public, I had nothing to show for it!! No one would have known I'd just had a baby, so it just added to the depression. And I couldn't just go home, and I didn't have anything in Victoria with me, besides the one pair of maternity jeans my husband packed while we waited for the airplane to ship me out, a nasty pair of shoes, 1 pair of underwear (I wore the hospital spanky ones for a bit til someone thought to bring our car across for us), and a couple of shirts. It was a truly ridiculous time; there is no way I could sugar coat it.

All in all, he spent 6 weeks in the hospital with a level 3 nursery in Victoria. Then we were flown closer to home, where we stayed til he was 5 months old. So 3.5 months at this other hospital I guess. I'll admit, it still wasn't any better. It was better in that now the initial worry about his health were over and we were just waiting for him to gain weight and mature. It was bad in that I still wasn't at home, was living in the hospital now, and the nurses were still dictating what I could do. Even though he was able to be held, there were many occassions where the nurses just refused to let me because they thought he wouldn't like it etc etc... When he was allowed off oxygen and was able to come to my room, they checked on us every 5 minutes, and would tell me when to bring him back.

It got easier only in that we knew he was actually going to make it. It was no easier in the sense that he still wasn't really mine... he was the hospital's preperty.

But you know what... somehow we did make it. 5 months all total in the hospital, but we did make it. There were days when I thought I was losing it and wanted to just run away, quite honestly.... but somehow I pulled through. And here we are, over 6 yrs later. He is doing great, and although I can remember his hospital stay when pressed to by other people, it's not what I think about on a daily basis.

You will be able to do it. It is going to seem like an eternity, but it will be so worth it in the end. I am facing another preterm birth (at least I hope I can make it to viability at least), and right now, if it would mean having my baby come home with me eventually, then I would gladly do it all over again. I would definately do some things different this time though. Excercise...sitting in a hospital all day, not really moving, and not exposed to much light.... it will take a toll on you. Don't feel bad if you need to just stay away for one day to go see friends, sleep in, or shop or something. You can still call for updates, and if your really concerned ask a friend or relative to sit in with him. You have to remember to do stuff for yourself. If he was at home with you, you would still be doing stuff for yourself, you'd just be packing him along with you. So it shouldn't be any different now that he's here and in the hospital. Go out and do stuff for yourself. Make sure you have a cell phone on you at all times, but just go do something!! Use this time to do his bedroom, organize your house... whatever!! Don't feel guilty for not being with him 24/7; he needs their care, and he is in the best place possible for him right now.

But by all means, I would ask about Kangaroo Care right now!! By his age, Greg was tolerating them, even though it was only 10 minutes here, and maybe 20 minutes there. He was still hooked up to monitors, but the skin to skin contact was vital!!! Just think, tribes in Africa are doing this with prems from the get go... why can't you do it too?? And see if you can get involved with doing his care, like diaper changes, temperature etc... It helped us alot.

Good luck hon.

 

[Agiboma]

Thanks for the advice sherie i am not sure he can handle kangaroo care yet, but i do know they do it @ my NICU in Toronto, i think it may be a few more weeks until its possible

 

[vermeil]

Hello!

I`m on week 12 of nicu out of...don`t know how many yet. Hopefully only 2-3 more. Honestly the first few were by far the toughest, and just flew by, a blur of bad memories now. I was on autopilot, just going through the motions to keep somewhat sane

I find it helps to focus on positive things like getting the home ready, carefully picking furniture and decorations, etc. It`s important to stick to a routine, it helps make time pass and keeps you focused. also calling friends and family and talking it out. But when YOU feel like it, when people call and you don`t want to talk to them, don`t hesitate to tell them so and hang up.

I think the best advice I got was from a good friend - now is the time for you to be selfish. Take care of yourself and your little miracle. Social obligations, friends etc. can wait. I found it helped to remember that, when I felt like I was withdrawing from everything.

*huuuugs*

 

[quaizer]

Just wanted to send you some BIG and lots of love and luck.

All of you ladies are wonderful and show amazing strength of character xx

 

[New2Bumps]

I think I was on autopilot too.
Anna was in hospital for 14 weeks. The beginning was the worst as it was just so scary!

So your little girl has only recently come home then - it all must be so fresh? Well done for coping with nearly 4months in neonatal. She looks so gorgeously small in your piccy - I bet she seems huge now! I hated everyone telling me that Ethan looked tiny but now I look back and I'm glad he was smaller as it made him more special and precious and he's been my little baby for longer!

Well done all the mommies who have got through extended periods in neo, or are going through them - I only had a week and it was just a nightmare so you all deserve a medal xxxx