How did you immediately cope?

[AP]

I was on another website where people where suggesting what a preemie mum would need in her hospital bag.

Someone who hadn't had a preemie suggested hair straighteners.

Someone else replied back saying

To be fair who wants 2 straigtn there hair n do their make up if you've jst had a prem baby? Wen I had my prem it was the last thing on my mind wot I looked lyk I spent evey hour of every day with my tiny little miracles hopein n prayin they wud get better

And

Even wen they were sleepin I was by their sides its an emotional roller coaster havin a prem baby n not knowin what's happen etc

Now guess where I'm going with this?

DH went home once Alex was born, to grab me some clothes and pop by work to tell them he wouldn't be in. He brought me my make up and my hair straighteners.

I stayed in the hospital for a week (I was discharged and got a relatives room) and although I wasn't dressed up to the nines , i was in joggers and pyjamas, I did wear a bit of make up and straighten my hair before I left the room in the mornings to see Alex. Kinda putting on a brave face, so to speak? I'm not one to leave the house without make up and only DH (and the postman ) has seen me at my worst in the morning

Now I just feel like, maybe I shouldn't have? that it was wrong? And now I'm feeling really guilty. even the nurses had noticed and on a few occasions I was almost stopped and asked if I was a visitor.

 

[PrincessPea]

Right mrs, lets get this sorted, as we all know, the minute you have a prem and/or sick baby your world gets turned upside down, nothing is as you knew it and the future as you knew it has suddenly disappeared. If getting up every day and putting on a bit of make up and straightening your hair made you able to cope that day then so be it! That was one of your coping mechanisms and no-one has any right to comment on that, even if they have been there because everyones situation and journey are different.

STOP GIVING YOURSELF A HARD TIME!!!

When Jessica was born I couldnt face spending a lot of time in the unit, only an hour or so at a time then I had to come away for a break and then when I was discharged we spent a few hours every day and built it up gradually from there, and I read that there are people who spent 15 hours a day at their LO's bedside - but that was just the way I coped to start with - no ones way is right or wrong, its just what you did to get through.

Lesson over!!

Edited to add - prem baby mums have hospital bags?????? lol

 

[sherryberry79]

I think whatever makes you feel remotely human at such a stressful time can only be a positive thing. If a little make-up and some straightening irons make you feel a little normality then why the hell not.

I turned 30 whilst Millie was in High Dep and I felt awful for going out and celebraing my birthday......like my friends might judge me for having a good time, getting pissed and (almost) forgetting about everything for a few hours. But of course they didn't judge me at all, in fact they were relieved to have me back for a while, and I am sooo glad I went out that night, because not only was it my thirtieth, but to let off steam was what I really needed.

Sooooooo afer much waffle, my theory is don't feel guilty, do whatever you need to do to get you through it!

 

[AP]

I found being at the incubator for too long really hard and intense so I'd go express or get a drink or a bite to eat, or even go home and come back after a few hours(just for the bus journey time out tbh) I was pretty lonely doing that every day.

It's not something I thought about to be honest until I read that tonight. Mind you I'm bloody hormonal just now

Ps I did reply saying everyone copes differently but I wasn't sure if I was secretly just speaking for myself

 

[PrincessPea]

Dont beat yourself up, we all been through enough.

I straightened my hair every day before I went into the unit (not when I was in hospital but only cause my section meant I couldnt reach up very well!) and the only reason I didnt wear make up was because it was soooo hot in there it would just have run down my face within 20 mins!!! hehe

 

[AP]

good point

I dunno what I'm saying, I was on HERE at some point! i got a message from Dona sending her support. X

 

[PrincessPea]

 

[Marleysgirl]

I have to say that the two weeks I was in hospital, I didn't really make much effort with my appearance, I was too worried about babba and expressing enough and my wound not healing etc.

But then I'm not a hair-straightening, make-up-wearing girl even when I'm at my peak

Everyone copes in different ways.

 

[alibaba24]

I done the same thing! I dont know why but i just wanted to look kinda half decent to go see my baby girl and maybe not look like hell in our photos together i dont see anything wrong with it at all xx

 

[25weeker]

There is def no right or wrong when your baby is in Nicu and you do what you can to cope so don't give yourself a hard time.

Unfortunately as we were in Bristol and the only thing I had was a pair of linen maternity trousers and a top which oh had brought from home when he flew down. Of course he forgot my trainers so i had to wear them with my work boots (after giving birth the work trousers didn't fit!) and I just looked like a gypsy

I obviously sorted myself out when I was discharged especially when oh told me it was time to trade in my 10 man tent for a 1 man one. (my maternity coat)

I struggled at the beginning to stay in the unit for long periods as the alarms where so tense and when she was critical I spent the whole time panicking something would happen it stressed me out too much.

Apparently in ERI a few years ago a couple went on holiday when their lo was in special care! Now that's taking things to extreme.

 

[nkbapbt]

Heck...when Lakai was just born and in the NICU and I was still in the hospital, I had the hospital cleaning ladies commenting daily on how I didn't look like I had just had a baby and the NICU nurses saying how well I looked.

I wore make up, I use to rarely go out without filling in my thin arse eyebrows (I literally had none till for some INSANE reason they grew during this pregnancy?!). I wear make up when I leave the house almost every time.

It makes me feel human and like I have a brave front on. And I don't think for one second it makes you or any of us less of a good mom or like anything we should feel guilty for. I hated being in a hospital robe for a week, I wanted my own clothes so badly too.

Don't beat yourself up hon!

 

[Wantabean]

i got my makeup and straightners brought in too. i need some sense of normality. i spent all my time beside incubator but i think its coz i was worrid that people would think me a bad person if i left him. the nurses had to send me away to eat etc but i needed that. i felt bad for enjoying my alone time. everyone copes differently. i dnt think anyone can pass judgement on anyone else for their coping methods xxx

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Not a prem mom, but I do know that with any life changing situation, whether it be good or bad, there's always some sort of panic and we subconsciously look for something to bring from our "old life" to ease that panic.

Obviously having a preemie is life changing situation, and you said yourself that you never leave the house without straightening your hair and putting on your make-up. So it could be that they were your "comfort items" you brought from your "old life" kwim?

It's not that you were neglecting Alex or anything remotely close to that. You just needed some part of your old routine to cope.

 

[Agiboma]

well ladies i am still trying to put myself back together 7 months later, tbh i did nothing about my appearence i made no effort to look human, i was wearning flip flopes into the fall (i live in Canada) i was so worried about Michael often spending 12-15 hours 7 days a week at the hospital, but that was just my way of coping

 

[Mumof42009]

With the 1st 3 I didn't have time to pack anything just the basic bag but with Adi cause he was a planned section I made sure my make up and hair stuff was in my bag. I didn't use it everyday but when I felt pale I put on a bit of make up. Don't beat yourself up about it x

 

[alparen]

yea i almost felt guilty 2 days after my c section. i took a shower and did my hair put on jogging pants and such to wander down to see my little girl. Made me feel more confident and prepared i guess to venture down. People looked at me odd in the high risk ward because they were all still pregnant and in gowns and i'm wandering by walking a wheel chair with my hair done.

 

[maisiemoo]

I saw make up as my war paint ;-) keeping up with some form of normal morning routine, ie shower, dress, hair & make up, kept me sane and helped me to face each day. Don't feel guilty, there's no need x

 

[hopedance]

everyone does it their own way. i didn't really look after myself, the nurses would have to send me away to eat and sleep - especially after they found me asleep on the sofa in the family room after doing his 2am tube feed the night before once. but being by his side and staring at him made me feel like nothing could go wrong as long as my eyes were on him.

 

[toothfairyx]

I hadn't got a bag packed. After DH had gone to sleep (with me telling him I was sure it would stop if I went to sleep but then realising I was wanting to push really really hard and that probably meant something more serious than period pains) I then got him up and we raced to the hospital with me literally only having the clothes I'd thrown on and a pair of contact lenses in my handbag.
I asked to be discharged the next day and went home for a long bath, and to sort myself out. There is a picture of me taken by the incubator and everyone says I don't look like I've had a baby I had dne my hair and put on some makeup, but I still had that second trimester glow about me for sure

 

[katy1310]

Sophie was born on the Sunday and I wasn't allowed up on the Monday but I was desperate to get a shower and get dressed on the Tuesday! I got a shower as soon as there was someone free to be in my room while I was in the shower (they insisted, in case I fainted with having had a c section!) and from the Wednesday I was up, showered and dressed at about 7am for some reason! I just hated the thought of having to face everyone (even the midwives etc!) in my sleeping stuff, and definitely wanted to be dressed to go to the neonatal unit! There were some mums still going down in their dressing gowns after about 5 days but that's just not me. I didn't have any make up etc with me but DH brought my hairdryer & straighteners in and I started wearing make up from the day I got home. One of the nurses did comment.....but it made me feel better somehow, and was just my way of coping. xxx