How did you know......

[lepaskilf]

Please don't answer if i'm being too nosy or you're sensitive to my question, and I hope not to offend anyone but I was just wondering out of those who have split up with OH/baby's daddy in an amicable way - i.e. no affairs/ abuse etc.... how did you know you were going to split up? What were the problems and how long did they go on for before you thought enough is enough?

I'm just asking as me and OH have been having trouble since may time and he doesn't want to talk and wants life to go on as normal but with no affection or intimacy!... he won't explain why he feels like this just that we've spent so much time away from each other recently (because of his work) and he says once he's greeted and played with Tom he's too tired, but he's back for a week most times so surely he can't be tired the whole time!!....

How do I know when to call it quits, I don't want to live like this but I don't know how long it's going to go on for!!!!!..... But I don't want to leave because it's not fair on LO!

 

[Novbaby08]

Well I knew because pretty much as soon as I told him I was pregnant he started avoiding me, then I got a positive test and he dumped me 2 days later. Though my situation different then yours, he was never in her life so

 

[lepaskilf]

oh dear! so sorry!!.... I feel i'm going to regret this thread, but hopefully it'll give me an idea of what he plans to do next!

 

[LittleMadam]

Hi!

FOB and I broke up a few days after LO was born but it was a long time coming. How I felt towards him had changed. I grew to dislike him and his ways. Being around him made me feel really uncomfortable and I became quite unsure of myself. Do I think it's unfair on my LO breaking up with her dad? No. It would have been worse staying together and she does not know any differently. Unfortunately, after the split, FOB decided not to take an interest in her. That was his choice and I have not chased him to do otherwise. My LO misses (and wants for) nothing.

TBH, if you decide to finish with your OH, do it now while Tom is young enough to get over it quickly (and he will!) At such a young age, he will not remember living with his father. It might be better for all of you if you raised him apart rather than together.

Hope things work out for you.

 

[lepaskilf]

/\ /\ thanks hun, I'm starting to dislike him more and more but I still love him, and I love the way he is with Tom so I think that will be the most heartbreaking thing.... I think we will break up eventually (in the next 6 months) unless he changes his ways, but if we do I feel I have to go about it so we can still be friends for Toms sake.

Thanks for your advice x

 

[bailey4eva]

Awww I really feel for you. I felt much the same as you, well, through my whole relationship (5 years), and the feeling intensified after I had Jake, and I needed him more than ever. I did not understand why I felt unloved when the FOB was working all of the time to pay for the house and bills, and many other little things. I though I was bein selfish and pushed all of it to the back of my head rather than realising that I needed him to put alot more effort into our relationship (Jake, house everything else aside). I did the wrong thing of going with another guy who was showing interest, which I know is wrong and so on. I suppose if you can't get anything out of him when you try talking, then tell him that you feel like leaving, maybe he will see how serious you are about things then. I have learnt a hell of alot from the past year, how unhappy I must have been. Dont get me wrong, I would go about it in a completely different way now, but definately dont feel bad for feelin the way you do. FOB was a brilliant dad, I still feel like its my fault they are seperated (I know it is my fault but that aside, it wasnt working out). Have a good talk with him if you can though, then you will know from how you feel after talking what you need to do next. Sorry if I went on abit about myself haha, but I see a similar situation going on and kinda just letting you know how my situation turned out. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you, these are not good times are they (they will get better though, whichever way it goes it will always work out for the best) xx

 

[luckdragon]

i was in a loving steady relationship for 3 years, we had just saved up for a deposit on a house then i found out i was pregnant and he went ballistic telling me to get rid of it and that he didn't want a baby blah blah

thats when we pretty much broke up as i decided to keep my baby and rent my own little house on my own!! sod men, we don't need them. Your a much stronger women on your own

 

[Dopeyjopey]

This might come out wrong but in my experience the longer you have bad feelings about your relationship the less likely it is that you'll be able to split amicably. I agree with a PP that you should explain to your husband exactly how you are feeling and give him the opportunity to prove you wrong. If he doesn't, i'd suggest a trial seperation. He'll still get to be a great Dad to LO even if you do decide to split. X

 

[young-mummy]

started when i found out i was pregnant - hes denyed the baby ever since,never told anyone so just caused arguement and he ended up tellin me he wants his ex back. xx