My baby girl was born on Tuesday (October 7th, 2014) at 27+6. She has to stay in NICU for at least 2-3 months depending on how well she does. I am just wondering, how did you ladies cope with this? I can't help but feel depressed and anxious about my baby girl not coming home with me. I am visiting her every day, but the fact that I can't hold her or feed her myself is really starting to get to me. I feel like crying every second of the day and OH just doe snot understand. He tells me to look at the good things like the fact she is doing so well. The thing he does not understand is that I do look at those things, I am very thankful for how well she is doing. I just can't help but be upset about the other side of things at the same time. Any advice would be wonderful.
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! What a cutie pie.
One of my twins stayed in the NICU for 74 days because she needed multiple surgeries. Like you, there were periods of time when I couldn't hold my daughter. And like you, I was a wreck while my husband was super positive (which, of course, is great--but sometimes you just want to wallow). Things I did to stay sane: memorize songs to sing to her (I realized that without music, I know very few songs from beginning to end! If you can play music, try the Children's Indie station on Pandora--it's very cheerful); read to her, even from your own books (I got through all 780 pages of The Goldfinch when I couldn't hold my daughter after her second surgery); get to know the nurses and bring them treats; don't be afraid to ask questions, question decisions, or make your desires for her known (our hospital almost sent my daughter to an outside facility when she only needed PIC-line antibiotics. I fought it tooth and nail and convinced the docs to leave her where she was.).
I remember feeling, at first, like I was a nuisance. And completely out of my league. And then I remembered that I am her mother, even if I was a brand-new mother. You have intuition. Fight for her whenever you think she might need a voice (like when I fought for more morphine for my daughter after her second surgery when she was clearly in pain). Doctors practice medicine (practice being the operative word). You have the right to manage your child's care. (And I don't say this in a crazy "I know more than doctors!" way--I very much respect the profession. But still, you see her all the time and are learning her cues--trust yourself.)
This too shall pass. My girls are 8 months now and I, thankfully, remember very little of those first months. My final bit of advice is to find a good therapist who specializes in speaking with mothers of children who have been in the hospital (ask the social worker in your NICU for a recommendation). NICU parents have a very high risk of PTSD and it's so important to make sure that you have someone to talk to that you can air your scary thoughts with (for me, that was a therapist).
You will do great. Your daughter will do great. This time won't last forever.
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